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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband with a wandering eye

57 replies

whatsallthehullaballoo · 23/04/2011 18:51

Ok well since the summer weather has really hit and all the girls are around with their shorts, strapless dresses and spray tans my husband has had his birthdays come all at once. Now, if he has seen a pretty girl in the car he has looked, then looked in his wing mirror and then his rear view mirror. He did this in the car 3 times today. I then said " Did you get a good enough look?". He said everyone does it, even women and that I am being stupid because it is not like he is actually going after her. I asked why he didn't feel it was a bit disrespectful clearly checking out other women whilst I am next to him in the car. He just said he thinks it is fine and doesn't care if I do the same.

Now I don't live on another planet. I know he looks at pretty girls...but it felt like over kill checking all his mirrors and left me a bit upset. AIBU?

I told him "Fine - do it then. I don't give a shit if you do now.".

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 23/04/2011 18:52

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Butterbur · 23/04/2011 18:54

I'm sure DH looks at pretty girls - they all do, don't they? But I've rarely caught him doing it. It's disrespectful, and it's going to make you feel like shit.

How would he like it if you leered obviously at young men's naked six packs (plenty around at the moment too). I exepct it would make him feel inadequate, too.

jojowest · 23/04/2011 18:55

i find that some men do it just to wind the mrs up more

if you completely ignored it, it would ruin his fun

unsurevalentine · 23/04/2011 18:59

I think its ok - to a point that you are BOTH comfortable with and this is obviously upsetting you and you have told him this and he has not acted on the new information.

Are you feeling a bit shit about yourself in general atm?

So YANBU

tulpe · 23/04/2011 19:00

I think a quick glance is normal.

To letch through 3 of his mirrors, with you alongside him in the car, is a sign that he is an arse.

YANBU.

purplerabbitofinle · 23/04/2011 19:04

DP does it, but not in a creepy way! He just enjoys the view. He is completely open about it with me and I know he would never do anything about it. If a woman is showing off her body, and looks good, then that's what will happen. Ditto if a good-looking man walks past I might have a second glance.

I also know a middle-aged man who was brain damaged at birth and uses a wheel chair who likes summer because of the tits [bugrin]

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/04/2011 19:05

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StewieGriffinsMom · 23/04/2011 19:05

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Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 23/04/2011 19:06

Thanks everyone for your replies -
unsurevalenine- Yes feeling a little down, like most of us! It does make me want to lose 2 stone, get a spray tan and hair extensions as these are the women he is looking at.

Actually forget it! I DON'T CARE. He can stare all he likes. I will rise above it.

OP posts:
Meow75 · 23/04/2011 19:07

I agree that he is quite out of order.

Remind him also that if he gets clocked by the lady in question or her other half, he may end up in hot water.

But I DEFINITELY think that he should be more discreet as a consideration to you first and foremost.

NotWoozy · 23/04/2011 19:07

I used to go out with someone like this. he would actually make comments on the women and rate them out of 10. THANK GOD I dumped him. He was an arse.

FabbyChic · 23/04/2011 19:08

All men do do it, however it is disrespectful to do it whilst with your partner, also if you get seen it makes you look like an old letch.

Id admire a guy in shorts if he had nice legs, but not to the point that it would be noticeable.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/04/2011 19:09

My dp doesn't do it (well not infront of me anyway) but his stepfather does it and he has been known to wolf whistle at women while his children are in the car too because he is a complete and utter pig!

unsurevalentine · 23/04/2011 19:10

Only ask because I am normally quite confidant and slim and have gained a little weight recently (about half a stone) so when my OH does it is has made me feel worse as they are prettier/slimmer/etc etc.

Just have to remind myself - they are not ME, andf he loves ME!! Grin

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 23/04/2011 19:10

True Meow - I know he wouldn't do it if she had a man with her.

But what does it make me look like if the woman sees my husband checking her out whilst with me?? I would feel humiliated beyond belief!!

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 23/04/2011 19:12

Its natural to look and find others attractive.
To do in a noticable way is wankerish and disrespectful to you and to those being letched at.

He is therefore a wanky letch.

IMO.

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/04/2011 19:14

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frgr · 23/04/2011 19:15

it's disrespectful and creepy (to that extent - checking out in multiple mirrors several times throughout the car ride?)

i think your husband's reaction is worse than the actual doing though. you've explained you don't like it, how it makes you feel, and he sweeps it away with a laugh and says there's really no problem. I.e. not recognising that your complaint has merit at all - you are the problem.

And jojowest - if men check out other women to this level "to wind the Mrs up" (Hmm) I have no idea what sort of childish men you hang around with - utterly unacceptable behaviour in public. It's essentially a big FU to their partners (aren't they supposed to love, honour and respect them?) and rather disrespectful of women in general, in a meat market sense. Women have a right to wear strappy vests and shorts in summer without constantly getting leered at.

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/04/2011 19:15

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everyspring · 23/04/2011 19:16

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/04/2011 19:19

OP... Your husband is showing you every disrespect. I think most if not all men look at pretty women, that's normal, but to be so indiscreet about it is making a point that you really need to pick him up on.

I'd be so embarrassed to have a husband that girls laugh at... so sorry for you, it really isn't nice behaviour from him to you or to women he's gawping at. Hmm

worraliberty · 23/04/2011 19:19

A quick look is fair enough but all that mirror checking does make him sound like a bit of a letch.

I wonder if he's on of those idiots that beeps the car horn at women too? I hate it when men beep at me but it's even worse when they have a wife sitting next to them in the car...I suppose you can be grateful for that much Hmm

BitOfFunnyBunny · 23/04/2011 19:19

You could try an eye patch- or is that a lazy eye?

He sounds like a nob-end.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 23/04/2011 19:21

frgr - you have hit the nail in the head. It is me with the problem, not him being disrespectful. He always does this with everything and I am getting very tired of it.

shineoncrazydiamond - He will not kick it into touch. He deems his activity as normal and me overacting. This is why I posted - he makes me feel like it is ME.

Actually problem solved. I will lose 2 stone, bleach my hair and get a perma tan and then when men letch over me I will see how much he likes it. Then move out. Problem fecking solved.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 23/04/2011 19:21

Why does Jojowest have to 'hang around' with men who wind up the Mrs just to voice her opinion?

My DH shows me the utmost respect and yet I know there are men who wind up their wives without me having to actually hand about with them Confused