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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed with other children telling tales on my son?

67 replies

mummymendez · 21/04/2011 19:42

I've got a really good friend who has a DD exactly same age as my DS (nearly 5). We went round to her house and while they were playing together, her daughter was constantly running up to me and telling tales on my son.

Example 'he is sticking his tongue out at me', 'he is telling me he doesn't want to play with me' etc.

Yes he is my PFB, but I do know that he can be naughty/cheeky/rude sometimes and I tell him off when I think I need to, so I imagine that, yes, he was doing those things. But to be honest I was getting annoyed after the 50th time she came over to tell me what he was doing.

My friend just looked at me each time it happened and waited for me to respond to it. Most of the time I didn't think that the offence was serious enough to warrant me saying anything to DS so I just said something like 'oh dear' or 'never mind' and continued with my conversation with other adults.

I think what bugged me the most is that, knowing the two children, they prob both said or did an equal amount of nasty things to each other as children do but my DS didn't come and 'tell' once - he just got on with it and sorted it out between them in contrast to my friend's DD who came over about 50 times! So it looked like my child was the terribly behaved one and she was the angel.

Friend did acknowledge that her DD was telling tales a lot but she said there was nothing she could do about it as the school she goes to (DD also in reception year but diff school) had taught the children to tell the teacher if another child does something naughty.

It is not a big deal and won't affect our good friendship but I did wonder if I could have handled it better and stuck up for my DS a bit more as he was being painted (unfairly in my opinion) as this really naughty person.

OP posts:
feggyart · 21/04/2011 19:46

I will almost guarantee this will escalate and she could come on here giving the other side of the story.

I think you need to look more honestly at his behaviour if tales told totalled " 50 times"

YABU

Gemsy83 · 21/04/2011 19:47

My daughters best friend is the worlds biggest tell tale and far from and angel herself. Does my head in to be honest, just tell her to get over it now!

TeddyMcardle · 21/04/2011 19:48

Those things do sound a bit rude of him tbh, especially round someone else's house. But if it carries on I would just say to the little girl "well I'm sure you can sort it out between you"

NettoSuperstar · 21/04/2011 19:49

I tell them if there's no tears or blood I don't care.

rainbowinthesky · 21/04/2011 19:52

I am not surprised he doesnt want to play with her. She will grow out of it. I am surprised she is told by her teacher to report everything.

Marne · 21/04/2011 19:53

Dd1 had her friend (well my friends PFB dd) over today and she is the same, constant tell tell, and then she hurt my dd1 on the trampoline and refussed to say sorry, hid indoors until her mum asked her to say sorry, she then turned on the water works, finaly after half an hour she says sorry. My dd1 is no Angel (far from it), she has Aspergers so expects people to tell the truth and play by the rules (if you hurt someone you say sorry) but she's not a tell tell (unlike her friend). I think girls tend to be worse than girls at it (at times i wish i had boys), dd1 seems to play well with most children (apart from this one).

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/04/2011 19:53

I would have sai 'Oh dear' or 'Pay no attention' the first couple of times... after that I would have said 'Do stop tittle tattling, it's not nice'. I can't stand little tattlers... just bloody get on with it. I would have also said - 'I'm sure the teacher does want to know if someone has hurt you or is doing something very naughty, but sticking your tongue out is not 'really naughty'.

Journey · 21/04/2011 19:55

That would have annoyed me to and the fact that the mother of the DD never said anything would have irritated me.

I think I would have told the mum of the DD it was getting a bit tedious. I can't be bothered with parents who turn a blind eye when their DCs become a pain.

Original poster
mummymendez · 21/04/2011 19:56

Well maybe it was a bit less than 50 times! Lol - I wasn't seriously counting but it felt like it was quite often to me. We were all in the same room so I could see that no-one was getting hurt or frightened. They do play really nicely together a lot of the time but I think he didn't want to play the 'mummies and daddies' style games that she was suggesting at the time. More interested in the train set.

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 21/04/2011 20:00

I hate situations like this. You want to tell your ds to stop, the little girl to grow a pair and the mother to tell her dd to stop telling tales. Yet this often doesn't happen and everyone fumes in silence.

If ds does something minor to another child and the child comes running to me saying 'your ds said XYZ', I just tell them to tell ds to stop doing it. I don't pay any particular attention to the situation so it doesn't escalate and the tale teller usually stops reporting.

Groovee · 21/04/2011 20:01

Some children tell tales all the time. Dd's 11 and had a classmate round and she drove me mental as I didn't expect 10 year olds to be telling tales so much and pathetic things that my preschoolers at work moan about.

DreamsInBinary · 21/04/2011 20:02

Girls do seem to be far worse than boys at this, but I'm pretty sure mothers of girls know this. You sound like you did/asid the right thing, and as such, the girl's Mother had no need to step in and make it a big deal. She probably thinks it was all handled really well!

I think directly calling the DD a tittle-tattle or telling the mother than her daughter has become 'tedious' would be excellent ways of bringing your friendship to a speedy end.

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/04/2011 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SofaQueen · 21/04/2011 20:13

Nope, my experience is that telling tales is a gender neutral trait, and one of my pet peeves.

I agree that criticizing the little girl would not be the ideal solution. How about sitting both girls down and gently explaining that telling tales isn't very nice, and they should first try and sort things out amongst themselves. Probably won't completely work, but might stem the tide of complaints a smidge.

feggyart · 21/04/2011 20:15

I still think this will escalate into resentment. Maybe pick your battles and deal with him a couple of times when he is "naughty cheeky or rude" and your friend should maybe talk to her daughter about approriate tale telling. Its about give and take and an acknowledgement on both sides that our kids aren't perfect.

Honeybee79 · 21/04/2011 20:22

Agree with Netto

saffy85 · 21/04/2011 20:29

God this telling tales stuff does my head in! We never really did it when I was a kid and that wasn't all that long ago!

I don't think girls are worse than boys at all- it depends on the child themselves not their gender. My nephew is one the biggest telltales I've ever met. As is my DD at times they drive me and my sister spare when they play together! Niece is fine though- she just gets on with it and she's younger than both of them. They could both learn a thing or 2 from her imo.

roundthehouses · 21/04/2011 20:34

agree that neither child comes off looking like an angel, feel a bit Sad at people saying they hate tattle tales. I do tend to think some kids are just lag a bit behind in decoding how to handle social situations and look to adults to help them sort it out. Not sure looking at them as weak or pathetic etc is particularly helpful?

Agree with posters that in this situation I tell my own child to sort it out when he comes to me with tales. But I would also expect the mother of the child being tattled on to say something at some point if their child was particularly pushing it.

girliefriend · 21/04/2011 20:36

I would have found that annoying as well and I would have told my dd to get a grip unless I felt your ds had done something unkind or deliberatly naughty.

lazylula · 21/04/2011 20:37

I have had the tale telling too, only the child doing the tale telling on my ds1 was actually found to be lying on many occassions (he was seen doing the actual 'offence' by another adult or myself on occassions). Lesson learnt for me, so now my reply to tale telling tends to be, well I haven't seen it nor has another adult so I suggest you all go and play nicely. If I think ds1 may have done it then I will have a quiet word with him.

Megatron · 21/04/2011 20:39

My DD is a terrible tell tale and it drives me mad. I always tell her to deal with it herself unless there's any blood or bones sticking out.

feggyart · 21/04/2011 20:43

Nobody likes to think bad of their kids but I do really think in situations like this you just have to give and take and be seen to be giving and taking.

Kids do need guidance on BOTH sides.

So the child behaving "rudely" could be told to turn it down a notch, and the kid telling tales can be told to "get on with it"

It oils the wheels of harmonious friendship. ( and I mean the adults here!)

lettinggo · 21/04/2011 20:48

When my ds was about that age, it must be the age of tale-telling, a friend was over with her ds who was a little older than my ds. Again, the boys were in the same room as us, we just weren't paying attention to them. My ds went over to my friend complaining about something her ds had done. My friend (mother of 5, chilled out parent) just said "wow". He was flummoxed and didn't know how to react. And it stopped him telling tales. I learned a lot that afternoon. Unless there's blood or tears, I let him sort out his own battles after that.

saffy85 · 21/04/2011 20:48

See what you mean roundthehouses but honestly when your DC are meant to be playing nicely together and one comes down to tell you
"X called me a name mummy".
"What did he call you?"
"He called me a dirty rascal." This was one of my favourites Grin

You stop taking them seriously. I've had my nephew tell me that: DD spilt her drink. I know darling. I'm mopping it up as we speak. That DD is playing with her food. I know that too, I have eyes and can see her. When he started yelling "Aunty Saffy! X is standing on your feet!" I did snap at him as funnily enough I actually already knew that too....

feggyart · 21/04/2011 20:52

fine line between silly tales though and real tales of a child being mean.

not saying OP child was mean in the real sense but sometimes we are too good at turning a blind eye and letting kids get on with it.

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