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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thing that having child number 5 when living in a small 2 bed flat is unfair to all the children.

390 replies

byanymeans · 21/04/2011 11:32

I totally understand that it is in all honesty none of my business how many kids people choose to have, as long as the parents can provide from them. However I really do find it a bit hard to get my head around how one family of 4 kids 2 adults could fit into a 2 bed flat before but last week they came home with baby number 5. Shock

I just don't get how the parents feel this arrangement of 4 kids (oldest child is 13, some boy some girls) sharing a bed room is healthy. They must have no real play space or personal space. I just don't understand why you would want to bring another child into that? Sad

I feel so sorry for the new couple who live below to as the noise from so many feet run around must drive them mad. I don't think that any one has lasted more the 9 months in the flat bellow for years.

I just don't understand they see nothing wrong this having still more without moving it?s not fair on any of the kids.

OP posts:
fastedwina · 22/04/2011 15:09

What's with the 'old days'. Where i grew up in the 70's and 80's this was the norm - nearly everyone was in the same boat. Our neighbour had a small 2 bed house with 7 kids ranging from toddler to teens of both sexes who all shared the one room. Yes they were poor and they smelled (guess we all smelled more back then)and didn't have much but they have all become respectable tax paying citizens and are a very close family. We were posh as we only had 3 in one bedroom from age 8 to 15. My DP shares a room with his sister in their 20's and again this wasn't uncommon. It wasn't ideal but we never felt deprived and it was good for group all in one bed back scratchings etc. More of a problem these days where peoples expectations have risen but doesn't mean that the kids a re neglected or deprived in any way. Do i win the poor me pissing contest now?

fastedwina · 22/04/2011 15:10

just to say that DP no longer shares with his sister - that would be a bit too much all 3 of us lumped in together.

GitAwfMayLend · 22/04/2011 15:11

My DP is one of 6 (1 girl, 5 boys, 2 years between each) and they grew up in a 3 bed cottage. Parents had one room, his sister the box room and 5 boys in the biggest room, with 2 double beds and a single.

MIL and PIL worked hard and raised a lovely family, and they are all very close now. Their childhood sounded ideal - house always filled with family and friends. However DP and his brothers and sister say that although it was idyllic when they were small children, it was less ideal when they were teenagers, and wanted their own space. The elder children (of whom DP was one) all moved out at 16 in order to get some space.

beingsetup · 22/04/2011 16:37

I absolutely hate some of the small minded bitching and smuggery and looking down on and judging people that goes on, and 99.9 percent of the time I avoid or ignore it.

Sadly, the person who this thread is about is not here to defend herself, but I'm sure she would be very pleased her neighbours, who she is no doubt nice to, are on here bitching about her, and that she has been called every name under the sun by people who do not know her or the reality of their living conditions.

OP why are you all up in her business? Is it out of genuine concern that you felt you just had to share? I VERY much doubt it....

coccyx · 22/04/2011 18:06

makes no sense. ridiculous, wait until you have more room. what happened to privacy for the older ones, somewhere quiet to do homework......selfish behaviour

LynetteScavo · 22/04/2011 18:21

It's only in a few countries in the world where children are expected to have their own room..I have known people from very wealthy families (their own personal income I know nothing about!) who find it perfectly acceptable to have 3 DC in a one bed flat. (The parents cornered off part of the living room with screens to put their bed behind). The apartment was furnished to a high standard, and they wouldn't have considered living in a less affluent area to be able to afford a larger place. Their DC went to boarding school when older, and yes there was the country pile for weekends. I was Hmm but it didn't seem to do them any harm.

beingsetup · 22/04/2011 18:53

and what happened to privacy for the person being posted about? coccyx?

I would call this post selfish behaviour....

beingsetup · 22/04/2011 18:55

to satiate the ops need to gossip, slander, feel justified in her post and ever so slightly smug.... [hmmm]

HalfTermHero · 22/04/2011 19:02

Yanbu. Overcrowding is obviously far from ideal. It is irresponsible and selfish to keep on having more and more children if you are not able to adequately provide for them.

NormanTebbit · 22/04/2011 19:37

Well yes anything less than a perfect childhood is a cause for concern on mumsnet.

SpawnChorus · 22/04/2011 19:42

lol @ NormanTebbit Grin

Ryoko · 22/04/2011 20:03

Dear god how things have changed in such a short time, the middle classes have lost sight of reality.

30 years ago having a big family in a small home was normal, my parents had 3 in a 1 bed flat, DF is one of 5 children, who where brought up in a 3 bed semi.

It really doesn't matter how big a home is, as long as it's comfitable, you got heating, bathroom, kitchen which is more then a lot of people in the world have and they bring up perfectly fine children.

What I object to is the people with 1 child clogging up 3+ bed homes for no good reason, such people are an increasing problem in this country, spoiled people with a massive sense of entitlement and disjointed view of what really matters in life and what essentials really are.

fastedwina · 22/04/2011 20:06

Exactly - i wouldn't do it myself as I only have 2 but if the children are fine and cared for it's no big deal. I was met with horrified looks when I used to talk about my childhood and how we all shared - some folk think their way is the only way - there's a bigger world out there.

goodbyemrschips · 22/04/2011 20:20

RYOKO......30 YEARS AGO IT WAS NORMAL TO HATE BLACK PEOPLE THANK GOD THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

I have one child and live in a 5 bed house ha ha how do you like that then.

I agree with the OP totally

NormanTebbit · 22/04/2011 20:23

WTF are you going on about.

juuule · 22/04/2011 20:24

I was just thinking the same thing, Norman.

fastedwina · 22/04/2011 20:27

Guess that makes you a great parent then mrschips - 4 bedrooms for little johnny to choose from, far superior to the family from the OP - good for you.

goodbyemrschips · 22/04/2011 20:31

yes thats right far superior.

They had another child to get a house I expect.

Nobody can think it is acceptable to bring up 5 kids in a 2 bed flat.

PumpkinBones · 22/04/2011 20:56

I live in a very, very, small 2 bedroom flat, with 2 DS's, and I think having 5 in here would be absolute hell. And before anyone starts going on about how the middle classes have this sense of entitlement about children having their own rooms, I was the oldest of 4 girls growing up in a 2 bedroom fcouncil lat and sharing, and I fucking hated it.

Ryoko · 22/04/2011 21:14

I shared the living room with my mother in a council masonet, I've never had my own room and couldn't care less, if I wanted time to myself, I just went out.

I really don't see why it matters, I wouldn't have an abortion if I thought my home was a bit small.

thisisyesterday · 22/04/2011 21:19

love the assumption that this is a council/HA house!

maybe they own it and can't afford anything bigger

far superior? no, just nasty and judgemental i'm afraid.

CheerfulYank · 22/04/2011 21:26

Hmmm...not sure.

For one thing a lot of people in America are (or were, before the housing crash) building dreadful huge "McMansions." Here if you're not familiar. (They were, IMO, nasty, tacky houses with no character, but that's beside the point.) People I know would go on and on about "having" to build them because little McKenna and Keaton just needed so much space! (And they most likely did as their parents bought them tons of crap plastic to play with.)

But on the other hand, having lived in rural Minnesota for almost all my life that I can remember, the thought of that many children all up under each other and no yard to play in or trees to climb makes me feel claustrophobic. A good friend of mine lives above her shop in a small two bedroom. She's got two DD's and now that they're bigger (7 and 5) she often talks about the lack of space. Her DD's come here to play a lot since we've got a yard. It's a bit like cory was saying in Sweden. Here it's the assumption that DC will have woods to wander around in.

It depends on how big the bedroom is too; if two sets of bunkbeds could fit in comfortably...

LisaD1 · 22/04/2011 21:29

Don't see as it's anyones business really.

We live in a 3 bed house and have 2 DD's and I would like a bigger house as it feels small to us, however, couple opposite live in exact same size house and have 8 children! They are a really lovely, happy, family. How they fit in the house is nobody elses buisness. Would not be my choice but the children are adorable and they seem like a lovely family.

KidderminsterKate · 22/04/2011 22:06

I find this a bit sad really that so many people may be judging me for having 4 in a 3 bedroom.

lockets · 22/04/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.