to thing that having child number 5 when living in a small 2 bed flat is unfair to all the children.

[byanymeans]

I totally understand that it is in all honesty none of my business how many kids people choose to have, as long as the parents can provide from them. However I really do find it a bit hard to get my head around how one family of 4 kids 2 adults could fit into a 2 bed flat before but last week they came home with baby number 5.

I just don't get how the parents feel this arrangement of 4 kids (oldest child is 13, some boy some girls) sharing a bed room is healthy. They must have no real play space or personal space. I just don't understand why you would want to bring another child into that?

I feel so sorry for the new couple who live below to as the noise from so many feet run around must drive them mad. I don't think that any one has lasted more the 9 months in the flat bellow for years.

I just don't understand they see nothing wrong this having still more without moving it?s not fair on any of the kids.

mrschips - do you live in a bubble or with blinkers on? Can you really not understand that not everyone expects to or lives the way you do.

We have a 3 bed detached house, it's a new build so rooms are tiny, one of the bedrooms is a boxroom, you would be hard pressed to get a standard single bed in it and maybe a chest of drawers. We have DD1 (6), DD2 (5), DD3 (2) DS (11 months)

At the moment DD1 and 2 share a room with bunks, DD3 has the tiny boxroom and DS is in with us. There is now way DD3 could go in with the other 2 and no way DS could go in with DD3.

Lack of space is a huge issue for us there just isn't enough space for clothes or toys and playing space.

We are hoping to start an extension this year which will in theory give them all a room each. DD1 really hates sharing with DD2 as they are so different, DD1 is girly and princesses, DD2 dinosaurs and sharks. If the rooms were bigger so we could fit a desk in as well I would be quite happy for them to share.

It amazed me the number of people who told me we would have to move when I was pregnant with DD3 as I didn't have enough bedrooms!

I think it's a bit sad actually for young kids to be in their own rooms - seems lonely. Even when we lived in a 5 bed house they preferred to share and still do often and that was in a double bed, yikes - double abuse. Obviously as they get older they might want some more privacy and space but doubt it would actually cause them long term damage.

My friend has four kids in a small 2 bed council house, they don't have a lot of money and only ever go camping holidays but they are happy, loved and well cared for.

Yes we make sure each child has her own space. So a bedside chest of drawers and some shelving. The room is big enough to accommodate that and they have a walk-in closet for clothes.

DD1 is getting older now, so if she wants to read before bed time she sits in our bed and then gets into hers when she is tired.

I always had my own room. My sister is 8 years younger. I am sometimes envious of the fun my three have together.

well rebecca you certainly have not had much experience of life.. 2 bed flat here with an enornmous bedroom 13' 10" to be precise.

people opposite have a teenage son and a teenage daughter in a 2 bed flat. the parents sleep downstairs in the living room.

here have a for your silly ideas

Agree that children like sharing rooms.

We have a six bed house and one son, but when our ds1 was alive, ds2 ALWAYS snuck into his room because he felt lonely on his own.

Tho' when my sister and I shared we fought like cat and dog.

It is not for us to judge how people live when we don't know the circumstances. Maybe like others have said the parents sleep in the living room. Maybe they used birth control it didn't work and they don't believe in abortion. Personal space and play space is a very western concept in many other countries a 2 bedroom flat would be seen as heaps of space. Older kids can play outside and are presumably at school in the week days during term time anyway. So long as they are happy and loved as others have said it should not be a problem. Re: the noise, kids will be kids, what do you expect them to do tiptoe everywhere? If the neighbours have an issue they should either take it up with their own neighbours or complain to the council's noise team if that gets them nowhere (but they won't do anything unless it gets above a certain number of decibels anyway and it would take several complaints).

To be fair, though, it must be pretty hellish for neighbours to have seven people living just above their heads.

One child per room is a western concept, and a pretty recent one at that. In many countries of the world, it is perfectly normal for many children to share a room, sometimes even with the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

In some poorer countries, the whole extended family lives in a single room home. Are they cruel for daring to have children in those circumstances?

Here is the UK, it is part of our culture to seperate children from their parents and other children when sleeping, but it is not necessarily the best or only way of living. We are totally out of touch with reality, because most of us have grown up in relative prosperity.

There is also an enviromental argument for keeping a smaller home. Large homes are a drain on resources - electricity, materials to build, cutting down more trees to build, etc. Although I could never live in such small quarters as this family (I too have been brainwashed by our culture - we are two with a baby on the way and we have 3 bathrooms!), I don't judge others who are able to live more sensibly.

As long as this family can afford to feed, clothe and otherwise maintain their children in a safe environment, without assistance from the taxpayer, I think that's their choice. And they don't deserve your judgement.

btw Rebecca, I'm another person living in a 2 bed flat (in London) with a massive master bedroom. I could easily fit 2 kids and their beds into it, along with our own.

I would agree that most children like sharing rooms when they are younger.

As they get older they are happier having their own room (or at least that's what we have found). Particularly if there are a lot of people sharing the home and they want to get away for a bit of peace and quiet. If it's not possible then people have to make do, which doesn't mean that having extra space (could be own room or a separate lounge/study) disappears off the wish-list. It also depends on the space available in the room they are sharing. They don't mind sharing rooms if they are not crammed into a small room.

Of course, all sizes of families can live harmoniously in all sizes of accommodation if there is a willingness to compromise and make allowances for others. Attributes that are sometimes in short supply amongst teens and
(dare I say) other hormonal members of the family.

Overcrowding can be an issue and more space can solve some problems.

When I was at work recently I met a new employee...a 16 year old cadet. He was very nice, intelligent, well mannered and well spoken. He was telling me that he is the oldest of 6 in a two bedroom house and that his family has lots of fun.

Anyway DH and I have 3 kids in a 4 bedroom house. What a waste of space that is. My boys like the share a room and all three of them end up in our bed on most nights.

I have 4 bedrooms (extension) but my dd's used to share which was problematic and my son has a small bedroom. I think it is a bit daft to keep on having children if you don't have the space or finance. i think privacy is an issue and lack of a private garden/outdoor space is a shame.

Also we are lucky to have an extra shower room and loo which helps in the morning.

i must admit i would have loved another baby now but my DH has had the snip plus it would mean a bigger car, someone sharing rooms again.

I was lucky as I always had my own room as a child and I suppose it is what you are used to but I do get frustrated when people keep on having children especially if they are on benefits as the middle classes do limit their families and are being penalised left, right and centre by our coalition governement.

They are in social housing lockets which suggests they need to be subised with cheaper rent by the tax payer for their housing needs at least.
I doubt anyone who could an alternative would choose their situation so I'd struggle to believe they are squirreling the difference away into 5 ISA's

Narrowminded bollocks, mrschips, and what a priviliged world you grew up in if every one you knew had their own bedroom. My children certainly do not expect their own bedrooms, their father has never had his own bedroom, sharing with his two brothers, then a room mate then his girlfriend then his wife. I only had my own room for a few short years. At one point I shared a room between 6 of us.

Its entirely normal for children to share rooms, and anyone who can't see that is blinkered and unaware of the realities of life. My children are not suffering in anyway, and I find it rather offensive to suggest they are, merely because they sleep in a shared bedroom.

Oh dear, I am not blinkered I just comment on what I see around me.

I was not privilaged ha ha I was brought up in a council house as were most of my pals.......but we all had a room each as we had sensible parents.

Of course parents of children would asay they are not suffering I would not expect you to say anything else as you are doing the best you can.

I shared a room with my younger sister as a child. Absolutely loved it, we were so close. We chat every night after lights were off, about everything. Now my daughters absolutely love sharing their room. Me and DH were asking them if they would like to move to a bigger place where they can have their own rooms, and they said a resounding no.

You are blinkered if you can't see the vast numbers of other, different, people around you. A council estate where no-one shared a room with a sibling, and all the parents were sensible? Pull the other one.

I say they are not suffering because they are not suffering. Since you know nothing don'r know them, how do you dare to say otherwise?

Nobody I know or have known in my life has had kids that sheare a bedroom...................FACT.