to think that children mirror their parents' eating habits?

[PiaThreeTimes]

I have friends with toddlers who are always complaining that their children won't eat properly. All, without exception, eat separately, i.e. the DC have their meals, and the parents eat when the DC are in bed. They also eat different foods.

A couple of these people complain their DC will only eat biscuits and crisps. Of course I'm FAR from being a perfect mum (even a halfway-decent mum on many days!), but I wonder why the DC are offered biscuits and crisps (particularly crisps), especially when they refuse to eat a proper meal.

Surely it makes sense to all eat the same thing at the same time, when possible. Doesn't this mean that the DC will have good role models when it comes to eating?

AIBU or just totally naive?!

Nope, you are totally correct. When I was a kid, my mother cooked once, she didnt run a restaurant. If dad came home later, his dinner was on top of a pan of simmering water, covered in foil (no microwaves in the 70's).

Budget didnt allow for faddy eaters.. you ate what was put in front of you, and you didnt complain. We certainly didnt starve.

Oh, and no eating between meals either.

I agree to some extent, although I do wonder at DS's aversion to chocolate/desserts and any snacks other than fruit......certainly doesn't get that from me and I try to follow his example rather than the other way round!

IMO yabu, my dh and I eat with the dcs every night, we all have the same food on our plate, I have 3 dcs, 1 is a great eater, 1 is hit a miss and 1 hardly eats a thing.

I've never understood this eating seperately from the children thing a lot of families do. It's the one time we are all together in a day so we make sure we eat dinner together and whoever is cooking only cooks once and one meal only.

Crisps are only out of the house snacks we never have them in the house and the rules are fruit is help yourself to as much as you like whenever you like but you have to ask for a biscuit.

YANBU in my eyes!

Honestly, I think it is just a little more complicated than that.

I don't get not eating together either. Or making a separate meal for the children.

We eat together, as a family, every night.

IME YABU - we eat with the dcs. I have one, coming out of a fussy phase eater, one, will eat most things as long as it's plain - no sauce or bits and one who will eat anything (at the moment only 2 so could change).

If only it was that easy! My dd1 eats a small (but growing) range of food, and is suspicious of anything new. She will also stop eating when she is full and save half a choc bar for example. DD2 will try anything, finish her plate and eat and eat as if she will never be sure of where her next meal is coming from! We eat as a family at breakfast and for evening meals and always have.
Although I can now impose the rule that you eat what you are given as they are 7 & 4, that just isn't feasible with toddlers to a large extent as you suffer as much as them when they are hungry! But yes, I agree about the crisps and chocolate, they should be occasional rather than a staple diet.

YA a bit U. I always eat with the DCs, we always have a proper meal sitting at the table. DS (19 months) eats nothing. Occasionally he'll have a mouthful or two of pasta. He would happily live on fruit and yogurts if allowed (which he isn't). I am tempted to reach for the biscuit tin when he has eaten nothing all day and I know he is going to want to make up for it by breastfeeding all night which means I will be awake either feeding or listening to him scream solidly for 6 hours.

Oh 'eck! This is not a thread about a thread, by the way. I've just seen the thread about the mum struggling with her DS who refuses to eat anything other than junk food. I didn't mean to cause offence to that mum - I didn't read it until after I'd started this one.

I'm with those who don't "run a restaurant". DP occassionally works odd hours, but I make sure I still eat with DC. It's more important that they eat with a parent, I think.

I just wonder if the eating separately and the idea of "children's food" - nothing spicy etc, etc, causes issues in the long run.

I can see I am being naive here. Thanks for the comments, folks. :)

I think you fail to allow for the fact that children also have their own individual personalities.

We have been eating together as a family since the children were weaned 10 and 14 years ago respectively, dh and I both enjoy cooking, we serve a varied healthy diet and do not allow options or eating between meals. Even so, we have one child who is a healthy non-fussy eater and one child who only likes junk food (which we do not serve at home, but he gets it on rare outings and at friends' houses). I suspect school dinners are the only thing that stands between him and actual malnutrition: even so, he is very thin. He just prefers going hungry to eating home-cooked food. It may of course be a phase, but it is a phase that has lasted over 7 years. We are still persevering though. Our budget does not allow for faddy eaters either- but ds doesn't care, he is a faddy eater anyway.

Remember my younger brother being the same- and he is still quite fussy- despite the fact that my parents cooked good plain food every day for the 18 years he lived at home and never pandered to his fads in any way. And the fact that he had three siblings who were all good eaters.

Good role models are excellent things. But you can lead a horse to water...

I think modelling behaviour is a lot more important with parenting, in the long run, than telling your children to do stuff - so in that sense I agree and yanbu.

However the whole eating thing is very complex. I think it is partly about what they see their parents eating, but there are lots of other factors that affect things. To name a few: peer pressure, the type of food they see everyone around them eat (not just parents), advertising/packaging, the addictiveness of refined sugar/sweeteners, phobias triggered by eating things with sore thoats etc, food availability and just general likes and dislikes.

YABU. I've one picky eater and two normal ones. Same gene pool, same household, hugely different outcome.

My DP doesn't get in until 7 so DD eats separately.

It's not a moral or an ethical issue.

I'm not sure that's right TBH. I eat biscuits but as I'm in charge of the kitchen (and the money) the DC's don't get them very often. I rarely eat with them as they are 4 & 2 and it's exhausting trying to eat and supervise.

But they love their fruit & veg, are rarely fussy and are little treasures when we go out for meals together.

We'll have more family meals as they get older, but for now I am quite happy eating on my own in peace .

It's not every family that can eat together though is it? Even though my DH is classed as a 9-5'er, he often comes home for 7.30-8.00 and that's way too late for a 3 and 5 year old. That said, it is usually the same meal that he eats.

Friends comment when we take little one's out for meals because they're always sat at the table scoffing to their hearts content (happened last sunday when we were with MIL and other in-laws for a birthday lunch gathering). It's not rocket science though - we just don't feed them snacks between meals, especially if I know that there is a meal prepared and scheduled for a certain time.

yabu

I was a massively fussy eater as a child, and although I'm sure my parents' inexperience contributed to how bad it got, I think it started due to being sick as a toddler and developing food phobias.

My mother didn't have a special budget for a faddy eater and tried for years to get me to eat what the others were having, but to no avail. It became a control issue - the more they pushed the less I ate.

I have one finicky eater and one baby bird (mouth open waiting for whatever grub is going). Possibly I was more chilled out with DD2 and that is why she eats so well. I can't be sure.

I do think that DD1 would be a lot worse than she is if I had tried to force the issue with her. Her range is limited, but mostly healthy - pulses and fruit the mainstays. There were times when she would barely eat anything.

I wonder whether you have a point about separate mealtimes. We eat meals separately because DH and I like to eat together and neither wants dinner at 5.30. We always had a family meal growing up and it is something I think about.

Then how do you explain that I have 1 child that eats everything under the sun, and 1 who is currently down to 4 foods only, other than cake/chocolate?

No, tethersEnd, I don't think it's moral or ethical. I'm just presuming that the reason some toddlers don't eat 'properly' is because they eat separately from their parents and know that there's the liklihood that they could have a 'treat' if they don't eat their meal.

unfortunately my bf doesnt get home until after the kids are in bed so we only eat as a family at the w/e
My dd1 eats with me for breakfast and lunch and sometimes supper, she eats whatever we are eating!
If she suddenly decides that she doesnt like what we are eating, I tell her there is no other choice and she soons starts to eat it! ( I think I am quite lucky in that my dd will eat anything except cheese/mayo/mustard)

Also we have a rule that she gets no desert unless she eats her vegetables !!! Skaen I can see your point about the BF all night though!!

Duly noted, Pia

If my husband got home that late, I'd eat with our son and my husband would eat alone.

btw- We eat together every meal, at the table. Fussy one gets fantastic modelling from his sibling (and us, obv).