to think that children mirror their parents' eating habits?

[PiaThreeTimes]

I have friends with toddlers who are always complaining that their children won't eat properly. All, without exception, eat separately, i.e. the DC have their meals, and the parents eat when the DC are in bed. They also eat different foods.

A couple of these people complain their DC will only eat biscuits and crisps. Of course I'm FAR from being a perfect mum (even a halfway-decent mum on many days!), but I wonder why the DC are offered biscuits and crisps (particularly crisps), especially when they refuse to eat a proper meal.

Surely it makes sense to all eat the same thing at the same time, when possible. Doesn't this mean that the DC will have good role models when it comes to eating?

AIBU or just totally naive?!

Some of us have pre-schoolers that need to be fed at 5pm and I don't want to eat then and DH doesn't want to eat alone at 8pm.

Also I don't want to eat what my kids like and vica versa - roast dinner, 101 ways with mince, pasta & pesto, sausage casseroles, fish pie. This is kids food and not what I want to eat as my daily diet, once a week but not every day.

Of course it's not Rosie, but OP is solely about fussy eaters. If DC are not good eaters it would be my choice to eat with them for encouragment. I used to eat with H and DD ate dinner alone, she's fab eater too, but we had breakfast and most lunches together anyway. Now I tend to eat with DD for dinner too, but it's all moot really as OP isn;t about good eaters and their routine. More about 'bad' eaters not being involoved and led by example.

70's child here. Youngest of 5 kids, mum cooked for 7 of us with just my Dad's wage coming in to the house. We ate what she cooked or went hungry...not a single 'fussy' eater amongst us.

The only 2 things she knew I couldn't eat were liver and cabbage (still can't)

Plenty of times I 'fancied' something else but I understood from an early age that dinner was what I was given and that was what I ate.

We rarely ate between meals either...just fruit if we were hungry and a bowl of cereals before bed.

I really do think most people who have fussy eating children, just can't get their head around the idea that in order to stop fussy eating you have to be very strict.

But I'm not thinking of people who's DC eat well, as yours do, bibbitybobbiyhat.

I've also said that I suppose problems may arise when DC are offered alternatives to the meal in front of them, particularly if it's junk.

Oh I love you OP . Sometimes I berate myself because I think my DD is a poor eater, but we are a very long way from just biscuits and crisps. She wouldn't eat the spinach with onions, pinenuts and sultanas with dinner tonight and I felt a bit despondent. But she had eaten (homemade and ultra nutritious) Matzoh Ball Soup with great gusto, and roast veal. And plenty of dessert.

And I love you, Bonsoir... your post just made me spit my supernoodles all over the screen

Pia I think our DC eating better in a group of peers thing is because they can see children like them eating the same stuff. My DD is a wisp of a toddler yet will have 3rds of nursery food but if I cook the same at home will only eat 1/4 (unless I leave the room!)

Norfolk that might be true for your children but some of mine would just have left the food for the other children to eat. One of mine used to give his school dinner to the child sat next to him

Oh and another of our children who we thought ate his food when we left the room, threw it away into the bin (we found this out years later).

True true bit I'll be amazed if Dd can unbuckled her highchair, climb down with plate in hand, drag chair across the kitchen to the bin, climb up with the plate, figure out how to open the bin, tip food in, push chair back, climb back up her highchair with now empty plate and buckle herself back in without

a) me hearing
or
b) me noticing as I check on her regularly to check she is ok (usually without her seeing me)

We eat round a table every day almost, I am not running a nandos so one meal gets served they can eat it or not if the answer is not then no pudding and nothing elese till the next meal time

All the fruit you want , no fizzy or sunny d type stuff , milk , water or soothes that's is all

Home cook food 6 days a weeks with childrens choice on a Friday nite good behaviour during the week depending

I refuse to cook anything thing pre cooked or from Iceland just because a friend is brought home and

One of my friends told me that unless you've had a fussy eater you can't understand the anxiety it creates. Kids are intuitive, they pick up on the anxiety, and a vicious circle can arise.

Eating is one of our most natural activities, like sleeping, breathing and defecating. The least said, the better. Most other animals manage it fine, without fussiness, over or undereating. There is so much emotion attached to food and eating which is not really necessary. If my kids are 'good' eaters, are they good 'pooers?'. What goes in must come out..

I think talking about something other than food at the table is a good start. If someone told me I had to eat what was on my plate it would kill my appetite.

Just cook, sit down with whoever is in the house at the time and eat. If someone isn't hungry enough to eat what's offered, they will be next time. This is how most cultures function, and it works.

Think I have killed this one

I eat with my dc, and dh (works late) eats later. So no, my children do not eat separately

They are pretty fussy despite not being pandered to by me - they are expected to eat what I cook, and generally they do.... but it is only because I have nerves of steel and can withstand their constant whining and theatrical gagging. They are never given alternatives....but nevertheless I can't get them to eat mushroom (they will pick it out of meals and leave it on the side of the plate), sweetcorn (dd eats but not ds), prawns (ds eats but not dd), tomato (ds eats but not dd), hard boiled eggs (dd eats but not ds) and a few other notables.

So in summary we eat the same thing and at the same time (the three of us with the exception of dh), they have a good role model (moi) and they are still awkward little bleeders. Meh!

I was a massively fussy eater as a child. I thought lots of foods were 'dirty'... I have no idea why. My Mum made a bit of a fuss about it, but didn't give me anything I absolutely hated. I had to sit with the family for meals and try to eat, but afterwards I mostly filled up on bread and honey/ peanut butter/ jam, and milk.

As an adult, I enjoy food tremendously, especially occasions with my Mum, Dad and the rest of the family. I am convinced that their perseverance (without hysteria) helped me get over my phobias, and the fact that we all ate together helped me see that eating something 'brown' or 'unusual' wouldn't harm me.

Not always. DH and I eat almost anything, and our first born does too - our second child is the fussiest thing ever though - and I have tried not letting him snack, not letting him have dessert without eating dinner - he would rather starve than eat something he doesn't like and is a bugger to get to try new foods too. We are working on it, really hard, and thankfully the foods he does like include broccoli, cauliflower, cheese etc so he does get some vegetables and just about hit the food groups... but how is not eating any form of pasta, not eating anything with a sauce etc copying the parents? His younger brother is more like his sister - eats anything and everything.

So I think it is really an individual thing, nature as well as nurture.

worraliberty Tue 19-Apr-11 21:38:20

"Plenty of times I 'fancied' something else but I understood from an early age that dinner was what I was given and that was what I ate.

We rarely ate between meals either...just fruit if we were hungry and a bowl of cereals before bed.

I really do think most people who have fussy eating children, just can't get their head around the idea that in order to stop fussy eating you have to be very strict."

Have been following these admirable maxims for 10 years and still see no improvement in ds. He'd rather be hungry than eat anything he doesn't like. D'you reckon another 10 years might do it? And fwiw I don't stress at mealtimes either: if he wants to be stick thin, that's his problem. Just wouldn't want other mums to assume I must be pandering. Which a lot of posters do seem to be assuming on this thread.

norfolk :o at the mental image I now have of your dd doing those things to put something in the bin (to the tune of Mission Impossible).

We sit down as a family every night to eat (DH starts work early so we can't all eat breakfast together, but is home in time for supper). I only cook one meal. DS1 eats everything and anything. DS2 is pickier and likes far fewer vegetables. He also doesn't like food to "mix" on his plate, and will eat one item at a time (so all the meat first, then the potatoes, then the veg). DD likes to try the "I'm too tired to eat... but what's for pudding?" routine, not that it actually works.

So YABU, it is not as simple as that. Children are all different.

Although I am informed by school that all three eat like there is no tomorrow at school, so it obviously just at home that DD and DS2 have problems!

I disagree. YABU. I have three DC. First two eat everything, not fussy. DC3 is a nightmare. Same parents, same upbringing (as far as that is possible). I think he must have extra sensitive tastebuds, or is just difficult!

I think it is probably impossible to generalise.

Having said that, based on a statistically insignficant sample, I do notice that of my friends' children, the fussy eaters do seem to be the ones whose parents have some sort of anxiety around food, or around weight, or around obsessing about healthy eating. I think of four sets of kids who really do not eat a varied diet and seem to eat very little; one set with an ex-bulimic mother, one set whose mother had childhood anorexia herself, one whose mother is very worried about putting on weight, and one who is obsessed with healthy eating to the extent that at her DDs party she made a chocolate cake for the adults and a "healthy" raisin/doughy type cake for the kids. All lovely mums and kids, but they really do eat what seems to me to be very little. They are all school age and eat less than my 22 month old when they come round for supper (though of course they may well eat more at home and in familiar surroundings).

I personally don't experience strong emotions around food and I often stupidly flatter myself that this is why my DD is a great eater.

However am expecting DC2 and I really wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that all kids actually "are what they are" and DC2 turns out to be the fussiest of them all! I also know that if I had a DC who wouldn't eat, I would quickly stop being "relaxed" around food and start to be stressed about it - so I think I vicious circle is formed. I can afford to be totally laid back about my DDs food at the moment as she is so easy going and such and guzzler.

Agree with Tee2072 and many others.

We eat together, as a family. Meal times are the coming together of the family and where 'life' is discussed. I don't understand "children food/adult food and eating separately".

And yes, if my DH, for whatever reason cannot eat with us, I would rather eat with my DD so that she is not alone. Yesterday tried something different though; I knew DH couldn't make dinner, so me and DD ate a snack so that when DH got home, we could all eat together.

I would love to eat as a family but with a 3 year old and a 10 month old, and a husband who doesn't get home until their bedtime, it isn't going to happen except at lunchtime and weekends. But both still love their food and are v. unfussy eaters

Incidentally I really hate the 'no pudding until you eat your vegetables' rule - it gives the message that vegetables are some kind of ordeal to get through before the tasty stuff, which IMO pretty much ensures that kids'll never actively like the things. Vegetables are delicious - surely that is the message we want to get through, and the best way of doing that is seeing adults enjoying them.

YABU - My son is fussy but thats another story.

He has his tea about five - no way am I eating that early so DH and I eat later.........there's no way we could all eat together, I would need another meal come bedtime!!

My DS as it happens IS a fussy eater although slowly getting better but thats just the way he is and nothing to do with parenting.

Jeez, these threads are so tiresome...........people really want to walk in our shoes before they start going on about it being the parents doing.......we are what we are and thats that!

I'm really surprised that some of you don't get why some families don't eat together. My DH doesn't get home from work until after 7 pm. I hardly think the DCs would want to wait until then for their dinner.

I do think it is better all eating at the same time and having the same dinner but it just isn't possible to do this in all households.