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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children mirror their parents' eating habits?

79 replies

PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 20:36

I have friends with toddlers who are always complaining that their children won't eat properly. All, without exception, eat separately, i.e. the DC have their meals, and the parents eat when the DC are in bed. They also eat different foods.

A couple of these people complain their DC will only eat biscuits and crisps. Of course I'm FAR from being a perfect mum (even a halfway-decent mum on many days!), but I wonder why the DC are offered biscuits and crisps (particularly crisps), especially when they refuse to eat a proper meal.

Surely it makes sense to all eat the same thing at the same time, when possible. Doesn't this mean that the DC will have good role models when it comes to eating?

AIBU or just totally naive?! Grin

OP posts:
GrownUpNow · 19/04/2011 20:55

It's definitely more complex than that. I have one really good eater and one more fussy eater. When I had children, I tackled my own aversion to certain foods in the aim to lead by example as to what to eat. I still have my own preferences and will feed my children stuff I won't eat myself, but I also eat stuff I am not fond of just to encourage them to eat it (broccoli for example). Even with this attitude I have a nearly three year old who picks at food, doesn't like things she liked last week and who is just fussy. And a five year old who started off liking almost everything, but who also now has preferences.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 20:56

I can't explain it I'm afraid, ChateauRouge! Wish I could though!

Like others here, my DP often works late, but I prioritise eating with the DCs to eating with him. It makes more sense and is more beneficial to them, I think. This could also be because I'm very greedy and don't want to wait!

OP posts:
cory · 19/04/2011 20:56

Our family rule is that whoever is home at "proper mealtime" eats together and whoever comes in later (usually me) heats up the leftovers. I see no particular reason why the family meal should be broken up so that dh can wait for me: I am an adult and can look after myself.

wubblybubbly · 19/04/2011 20:56

I insisted that we eat together as a family, around the table, it doesn't always work!

DH doesn't get home til after 6, DS is starving at 4pm. I can give him some fruit to stave off the hunger but, come 6.15, he's too tired to eat so his plate goes untouched.

I just play it by ear now.

lockets · 19/04/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyLifeIsChaotic · 19/04/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:03

lockets, that's great. You obviously have no probs. :) I'm thinking really of people who do complain (all of the time!) that their DC will only eat biscuits and crisps, but don't prioritise eating with them and will offer crap as an alternative to a 'real' meal.

OP posts:
NorfolkNChance · 19/04/2011 21:04

I used to eat with DD for every meal (DH gets in too late to eat in the evening with us) and whilst social eating is brilliant for her at nursery, at home she just will not eat if I am there. She whinges, tries to get out of her highchair and throws food on the floor.

If I am busy doing things in the living room or kitchen (ie I can still see her but am not with her) she eats away to her hearts content, if you have a child who is like this and on the lower end of the centiles then you bloody well do whatever it takes to make them eat the meal you have slaved over prepared.

Weirdly if it is a big family meal (with in laws or my family) she is more than happy.

YABU to judge.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:07

Sorry, NorfolkNChance. I can see it's a problem for some people.

Incidentally, my DD eats well if it's just the immediate family, but will eat her own body weight if in a group, like you DD. Funny, isn't it?!

OP posts:
RamblingRosa · 19/04/2011 21:07

I know where you're coming from OP but I do think YAB a bit U.

I think it's more complicated than that. I always eat with DD. We have proper meals at tables. She's not allowed lots of snacks. Yet she still seems to live mainly off thin air. And I was the same at her age. I barely ate a thing. It didn't matter if I ate with my parents or not. It didn't matter if I was offered lots of choice or not. I just wasn't interested in food. I didn't get interested in food until I was well into my teens.

Kids are all different.

cory · 19/04/2011 21:07

Pia, what about the people who do prioritise all those things and still manage to rear miserable fusspots? I have stuck to my principles for the last 10 years, but I don't see much evidence that it has actually achieved anything.

Bringonthegoat · 19/04/2011 21:08

YANBU but a little naive. It is more complicated than that but you make good points about modelling behaviour and not supplying shite snacks to fussy eaters.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:12

cory, I'm thinking of people who don't prioritise those things though, and have problems.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 19/04/2011 21:15

FFS for anyone who "doesn't get" not eating together, shall I be dragging my one year old and three year old out of bed in about one hour (after 10pm) when my husband gets home so we can eat together

Because I dont get that I'm afraid Hmm

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:17

No TattyDevine, but do your DC have problems eating? I have no idea if they do, of course, but if so, you could eat with them, couldn't you?

OP posts:
rosie1979 · 19/04/2011 21:19

I would love to eat as a family but dh not home from work until 7ish at very earliest so is not possible.

However pretty much every day we eat the same - I'll make a chilli/fish pie/stew and divide it up. I love the weekends when we can all eat together and the dc's definately eat better then.

I have a friend who's dc is a really "fussy" eater, she is a great cook and her and her dh eat really well but never with the dc who has his fishfingers every night on his own.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:21

Do you know why your friends do that, rosie1979? Doesn't it seem odd? Poor little lad!

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 19/04/2011 21:21

I agree with the poster who said if they or P came home late the adult at home would eat with DC and the other adult would eat alone. Kids come first and all that.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:22

I agree, Bringonthegoat.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 19/04/2011 21:26

I would not want to eat at 5pm. I would then eat again at 8pm when my husband came home. Its called "mums two dinners" and why many people find it hard to "lose their baby weight"

No, my children dont have problems eating. We eat together when we can - certainly on the weekends and oh, lets not be forgetting breakfast and lunch

I suspect if they had eating problems, us sitting there breathing down their necks may not resolve the situation? Hmm Confused

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:28

I'm not suggesting anyone breathe down anyone's neck. That would hardly set a good example.

Luckily yours have no problems. I'm thinking of people whose DC do but they don't seem to give them a role model at the table.

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 19/04/2011 21:29

That is hardly what is proposed by OP is it though!?! Seems some are reading what they want into this and making a meal of it. (Seee what i did there?? Grin)

rosie1979 · 19/04/2011 21:32

No idea Pia - I think they have him labelled as "fussy" and say he will only eat about 3 things but as he never gets to try anything else I don't see how he will ever not be fussy. They went for lunch recently in a yummy Italian deli and took him Tesco cocktail sausages Shock

Bringonthegoat I dont want to eat my tea at 5pm when my dc's are starving hungry but I'm not. I would also feel really sad for my dh coming home and having to eat heated up dinner - its nice to have a glass of wine and chat about the day together. I always ate my tea with my siblings and my mum would wait for my dad, I am a total foody and so are my dc. Eating together as a family is great, but sometimes not possible.

Original poster
PiaThreeTimes · 19/04/2011 21:35

OK, off-topic, but this has reminded me of something that happened on Sunday night. We all went out for an Indian meal (early doors at 5.30pm). The waiter was making a fuss of DD, who's nearly three years old. He asked her what she likes doing. She said "Trampoline", but he thought she said "Champions League" and started waffling on about football to her as though she was a bloke down the pub! Even DP didn't know which players and teams he was on about, it was so in-depth. She just sat there grinning at him. She liked his spikey hair. He seemed quite satisfied with the conversation! Confused!

Anyway, talking to a friend today who has problems with her DD as she refuses meals, but will eat crisps and biscuits, she was surprised that my DC will eat Indian food. She said her DD hadn't tried rice yet. She was three last October. I just don't get it!

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 19/04/2011 21:36

Jesus christ!

My dh gets home from work between 7.30 and 8pm on a good day.

How does this work with all sitting around having a family meal together?

Have you NO understanding of the rest of the world around you?

My two dc are the least unfussy eaters I know.

Ds won't eat butter, dd won't eat corn on the cob (but will eat canned sweetcorn) - that is about the extent of their fussiness and they have never eaten more than one or two meals a week with me and dh all around the same table, unless on holiday.

So that's your stupid theory fucked over.