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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So what do we think of a bloke who......

78 replies

farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 19/04/2011 18:48

borrows and spends £200 for ONE DAY on the piss! Is this a man who is being a good Father? and putting his kids first?

He spends all his wages in the first week of being paid and contributes as little as he can get away with to the running of the home. If his wife says anything he lays into her calling her "greedy" and a "money grabber". He gives her approximately one third of his wages to pay all bills, food, clothes etc. He keeps the rest for his social life and when he runs out comes back to her to borrow out of the third that he has given her so she never actually has the full amount. She is not struggling excessively but life could be an awful lot better for everyone if he stopped doing this. He is, apparently, fully entitled to do this as he is the wage earner.

So what do we think of this man because I am going to show him this thread.

OP posts:
grovel · 19/04/2011 19:00

He's not very bright and he's not very caring. Hope he's a brilliant lover. Why do I have this feeling that he's also pretty selfish in bed?

PlopPlopPing · 19/04/2011 19:01

How many kids do you have?

fluffles · 19/04/2011 19:01

and why do they not have a household budget? written down on paper, with money for bills and essentials and money for 'luxuries' for the kids, and him, and her and savings for holidays etc..

slovenlydotcom · 19/04/2011 19:01

I don't see squeakytoy's post as nasty either and calling them a twat is uncalled for

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/04/2011 19:02

I also thought Squeaky's post was just a question. Put more information in the OP and then people won't need to ask.

Sorry for your troubles, OP. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, it's your marriage and you have to do what's right for you. If he's not listened to you before and he isn't listening now then reading this thread isn't going to make much difference, is it? :(

The 'relationship' board is really good, lots of very experienced posters there with very sound advice and they'll give you your options, if you're interested.

PlopPlopPing · 19/04/2011 19:02

Sorry, how many kids do THEY have? I'm guessing she's a SAHM. She's got a disabled child as well?!

Original poster
farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 19/04/2011 19:02

Quite sure he wasn't like that when they married, or if he was it wasn't noticeable because they both worked. Then the dc came along and the dynamic changed. Thanks for your opinions everyone.

OP posts:
Jynxed · 19/04/2011 19:03

Maybe dinner shouldn't be available each night if money is being spent elsewhere? Feed youself and the kids early and leave nothing for him. And hide your money where he can't dip into it.

squeakytoy · 19/04/2011 19:04

Pardon me for not having a fucking crystal ball then Op. Hmm

Original poster
farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 19/04/2011 19:05

He would never keep to a budget, he would just disappear till wages gone.

Yes calling a poster a twat uncalled for, sorry, just so frustrated by the situation, honestly want to burst into tears of rage whenever I think of how badly she is treated. Going to show her the thread anyway, he wouldn't read it.

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 19/04/2011 19:06

Selfish prick.

Also he KNOWS he's a selfish unreasonable bastard. I am willing to bet he doesn't give a fuck.

diabolo · 19/04/2011 19:06

I didnt know the person concerned had a disabled child.

I though SqueakyToy's post was nasty because, to me, it implied that the person concerned is asking to be treated like this if she doesn't earn her own money.

If I have misunderstood squeaky's question, then I apologise.

bandylegs · 19/04/2011 19:06

Your BIL is a selfish twat - Is your Dsis on here ? if not she should be .

bosch · 19/04/2011 19:07

Think squeaky's question was reasonable though could have been better put.

Fark, would your dh be happy to share work/child care if you put it to him? I can't imagine putting up with the situation you're in, dh and I both work part-time but I'm more part-time than he is (50% vs 80%) and we completely share all the money that comes in. I will buy clothes that I and the kids need without consulting him but when we spent £300 on a telly recently, we talked about it and agreed it first. If your dh is spending 2/3 of his wages on beer etc then he's not really grown out of being a teenager/single man and it's time he grew up.

He is completely not 'entitled to do this'. You should both agree how much money is spent on house/food etc and then share what's left over. If you sub him, he needs to earn it - extra childcare/cleaning or he could build up a massive tab with you and then one month, he might have to pay it back in one go.

DontGoCurly · 19/04/2011 19:08

Oh and him laying into her and attacking her is an obvious diversionary tactic.

People in the wrong often do this. Attack being the best form of defense.

And while the victim is busy combing their conscience the selfish prick is off down the pub spending his disabled childs money.

Scum

blinks · 19/04/2011 19:08

show him the door, not the thread.

Original poster
farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 19/04/2011 19:09

Her not working is one of the things he throws in her face whenever she tries to discuss the situation, calling her lazy and greedy etc. But she can't.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 19/04/2011 19:10

She might be financially better off is she breaks up with him.

squeakytoy · 19/04/2011 19:10

Can she get a job in the evening or at weekends. I am NOT saying she should, but it would give her some independence financially, and it would also mean HE would have no choice but to do plenty of childcare, and not piss his money up the wall.

LDNmummy · 19/04/2011 19:11

He is a terrible excuse for a father and partner and I would dump his arse lest my children pick up his selfish habits. I could not imagine my DP being like this. I am not someone who usually cries "leave him!" for every little thing but this is just pathetic. Goodness me, has the man no self respect?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/04/2011 19:11

But she doesn't have to live with him either. There's no need for them to actually live in the same place and whether DSis works or not, BIL will have to pay for his child.

bosch · 19/04/2011 19:12

However, I don't think it's reasonable to show this thread to him, now I understand that the thread is not about you and your dh, op. You could show it to her (sorry, not sure exactly what relation to you) to encourage her to argue the toss with him, but feels too intrusive to show it to him.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 19/04/2011 19:12

He's a bastard.

And she's a fool for staying.

She may think she needs him, but she's wrong.

TheCrackFox · 19/04/2011 19:13

Actually Squeaky makes a good point there. If she can get a job at weekends and evenings he won't actually be able to go out on the piss.

chipmonkey · 19/04/2011 19:14

She should kick him out. He's a waste of space and a terrible father who puts booze before his own kids.

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