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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to arrange a 'time off' rota for DH and I on our first family holiday

96 replies

Babieseverywhere · 17/04/2011 19:19

We haven't been on holiday for 6 years, as our budget is too tight. But we like being home and having family days out with the children.

MIL very kindly offered to pay for a caravan for a week to go away with them this year. We will be going with other family members and MIL and FIL. Very grateful to them for paying for the caravan as our children will love it.

As I am a SAHM I am happy to do all the child care and most of the house stuff and DH does his fair share when he is home at weekends but I always make sure he gets two lie ins at the weekend etc.

I have asked him twice to have a think, about how he would like to arrange 'time off' on this holiday. I expect daytime and evenings to be family time with the children and I have suggested we take turns alternate nights being responsible for the children over night and in the morning (so the other parents gets to stay up late/have a beer and maybe a quick lie in.)

DH's first response was 'but it is my holiday' :( I pointed out it was meant to be my holiday too and if I am not having any break at all what is the point of going. Second time I asked he looked a bit gutted that I asked again and I have asked him to have a think and get back to me.

I wanted to set something in place before we go as his parents have made it very clear that they expect me to do everything for all three children when we visit them and MIL often mentions (out of DH's hearing) that I shouldn't ask DH to do anything with his children when we visit them, as he works so hard I point out that they are his kids too and I also work hard. Luckily DH is a good father and does share the load.

AIBU to have asked him how we are going to arrange time off ?

Surely wanting 3 late nights/lie ins is not unreasonable, I honestly can not remember the last time I had a child free hour, maybe last year. I am betting in laws will go to bed early on 'my nights' but I just want to know I will have some kind of a break, else 7 days in a self catering caravan with three children under 4 years old might not be particularly restful.

OP posts:

theoldbrigade · 18/04/2011 11:47

Have I missed the point ? Thought you said other family members would be there also ?
Call them, ask what they are expecting , probably dreading it in varying degrees also !!
First extended family holiday I arranged was a nightmare as we all had different expections. Talk to each other !!
I became the " Clipboard Queen" over the years as OH and his side of the family would simply assume I would have the plan. Damn right I did ! And so should you !!

BrandyAlexander · 18/04/2011 11:48

OP, the fact that your dh said that its his holiday would indicate to me that he thought that I was on a right old jolly while he is at work, irrepsective of how good he is at the weekend at sharing the load (I would also say that unless he is sharing the load 50/50 at the weekend including lie ins then no, not that great). The fact that you say how grateful you are to him for enabling you to be a SAHM means that you're enabling him to think that way. I do a senior role in my career and returned to work relatively early from maternity leave, part time. For me, the easier days were the ones where I went out to do my "job" as I opposed to the "job" I did at home.

Having said all of that, dh and I have long accepted (him more grudgingly than me!!) that when you have very young children, neither of you are really on "holiday" like pre-children days so a lie in (particularly in the circumstances you describe) is more of a pipe dream. Nonetheless, I would still be demanding an equal share of whatever lie ins are going!

theoldbrigade · 18/04/2011 11:50

Sorry - should have read expectations !

darleneconnor · 18/04/2011 12:30

No-one is going to get a lie-in in a caravan with 3 under 4's. why would these other guests want to stay there? Do they realise they are shaing with potentially noist 24/7 babies/young children.

If the caravan isn't for your sole use it isnt a gift.

Will your DC's know these guests? Wont they find it a bit disturbing sharing a very confined space with virtual strangers?

I dont see how this could not result inmisery for all concerned.

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 12:36

Hey OP come back- how's it going?

darlene-they are going with DH's family, but it's not clear if they are sharing or using more than one caravan

tiredemma · 18/04/2011 12:38

Why is it not 'your holiday'? also.

Is your DH one of those men that think just because you dont 'go out' to work, that your life is easy?

I have always maintained that being at home with children is an incredibly hard job. I find my days at work much less challenging and less stressful- and I work on a female psychiatric inpatient unit.

Sharing with strangers in a caravan is madness.

TobyLerone · 18/04/2011 12:40

I cannot imagine ever being in the situation where I'm arguing over holiday childcare with my partner. Maybe I've just got lucky now and in the past.

It really seems indicative of something deeper, IMO.

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 12:45

tiredemma- they won't be sharing with strangers, it's members of DH's family.

Also tiredemma- I totally agree that being at home with chidlren is incredibly hard and you sound like you've got a pretty tough paid job as well! i take my hat off to you.

darleneconnor · 18/04/2011 13:03

yes I knew they were relatives but are they strangers to the dcs?

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 13:06

Oh I see. Good point. You can have SILS and BILS and barely see/know them. True.

WWYDToday · 18/04/2011 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Babieseverywhere · 18/04/2011 19:49

Right, I have spoken to DH again and explained my concerns and told him that I will be having half the nights off, including the nights that my SIL is staying over (she is really fun).

DH doesn't mind which nights he does, through he thinks I am trying to make things difficult by trying to pin things down. He has also agreed that I can pin his mother down with some holiday plans. So I will be ringing his mother to try and sort out who is staying where and when. I will be making it clear that the children need to go to bed at a semi reasonable time and WILL be up at 7am and we'll need the living room to be open at that time.

I will have to reach an agreement on the food. I am happy to share cooking and cook a few meals for everyone but as we are on a tight budget it might be easier if we provide our own meals the majority of the time. as our budget can not extend to feeding inlaws and other family members at every meal IYSWIM. I need to meal plan and aim to start buying tins and other easy heat up food for the holiday.

The chat with MIL will have to wait for a while as we have just had a death in the family and that takes priority over holiday arrangements.

My DH is ace and he is a good father and husband, whilst he might not understand how difficult it is to be a SAHM , he certainly works very hard himself. He tends to see the best in people whilst I worry about the worse. Hopefully the holiday will be no where near as bad as I worry it will be and be approaching how peaceful DH thinks it will be.

DH thinks MIL will give us a couple of hours off together, I am leaving him to sort that bit out but that sounds hopeful :)

OP posts:

exhausted2011 · 18/04/2011 20:38

well, that sounds much better.
when's the holiday, I hope you have a lovely time.

ivykaty44 · 18/04/2011 20:44

Can I make a suggestion with the food, I did this last year for a week camping and we had microwave and burners along with a fridge.

Starting 8 weeks before I went away I added to the weeks shopping list a meal for the holiday - cooked some of the meals and froze the meal in ikea tupperware style boxes.

I made:
chilli con carne and got garlic bread
chicken curry and brought naan bread and a bag of rice
mince and onions from Jamie Oliver ministry of cooking
Spanish chicken casserole

I froze the above meals

then on the other weeks I brought pasta and pesto, spaghetti, tuna and anchovies, tin of tomatoes, flour butter and frozen fruit and prunes.

i made desserts and had a couple of store cupboard foods.

That way i took the meals with us as ready meals and had two store cupboard meals for when we where there that where easy to knock together.

On the last week I made three sponge desserts and lemon surprise dessert along with a chocolate sauce dessert. I got ice cream tub when we arrived and popped in freezer.

I also purchased breakfast cereal for dc and myself, and two tins bake beans, tinned tommy and sausages for a fry up style breakfast.

Spreading the cost over 8 weeks was much better than shopping for the holdiay and each weeks doing a little extra cooking was easier than cooking on mass the week before.

I also baked a couple of fruit cakes to have with an afternoon cup of tea or coffee.

When it got to the weeks holiday we had a bit of spending money and we could spend it how we liked as we didn't need to go to the supermarket shopping and I felt very relaxed being able to just heat up our meals in the microwave and one night we eat out so where able to take one of the store cupboard meals home with us for our return.

Possibly this is what you could start doing 12, 10 or 8 weeks before and double up on one meals for extra people in your caravan

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 21:45

ivykay- that's a great plan but most caravans don't have freezers. How did you keep the pre cooked meals frozen/fresh for a long period of time? genuine question as we are going on our caravan hol on Satirday.

Original poster

Babieseverywhere · 18/04/2011 21:49

No freezer in the caravan. My food plan involves cereal for breakfast, sandwiches/salads for lunch picnic style. Evening meals will be loads of tins. Jacket potatoes in the microwave. One/two treats meal of chips or similar cheap meals out.

Tins will be fine for a week, that is what my mum does in her caravan. :)

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 18/04/2011 21:58

we have a fridge in ours and a small freezer - campervan and the fridge works on gas/electric/mains so will run whilst travelling. But if you fill an ice box with stuff and freezer blocks for a two three hour journey the food should be ok - then pop in fridge when you get there as the food will defrost slowly and y will nto go off in a week in the fridge.

I just like lovely home cooked food for when away, so prep now before we go.

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 23:17

Hmm might try that for the first couple of nights but wouldn't keep food for the whole week once defrosted. Will probably do what OP does- toast, cereals, sarnies, hot store cupboard meal, fish and chips once or twice.

We had a Vesta Curry one year in a caravan and its was lovely! (total absence of nutrition or authenticity but hot, spicy and filling). Post ironic 70s food is very successful in a caravan. Exhibit A- the Fray Bentos Pie.

Good luck OP. Now you have your DH on side and your SIL's company to look forward you might have a bit more of an actual break.

I often feel like my own family's au pair on holiday!

FabbyChic · 18/04/2011 23:24

Can you not save at all so you have extra spending money? You are going on holiday and it always costs more when you are away, what about the costs of social drinking? Drinks out?

Going with just £80 sounds madness.

Animation · 19/04/2011 07:45

And how about some BACON - particularly smoked! Also smells great in a cara or camping.

diddl · 19/04/2011 09:54

If there´s a fridge, surely you can take some stuff to make some fresh meals as well?

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