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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that ill mannered older people shouldn't take precedence over youth

93 replies

MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:07

Queuing in garden centre this afternoon with 6 yr old ds and trolley. We were next in the queue to be served when a till became free. Before ds could push his trolley to the till (about 2m) an elderly couple pushed past and got to the till first.

I pointed out that we were next to be served. The lady said that she only had one jar (if she had asked to go in front of us I would have probably said yes). I replied that she should have asked us. Then she said that she was disabled (walking with two sticks). I pointed out that my elderly disabled mother (who also has two sticks and is very infirm) was waiting for us.

I said that I thought she lacked manners in pushing past us. She muttered something. I asked her to repeat what she had said.

She said that because ds was a child he "didn't matter" and she had the right to go in front of him!

I thought but did not say WTF. The two till assistants stood there open mouthed.

I did say that I thought she should learn some manners. Poor ds was actually quite upset at how dismissive she was of him.

I'm all for respecting elders but I do think that this isn't automatic. I wonder what this lady would have said if ds had pushed in front of her?

OP posts:
domesticdiva · 16/04/2011 19:13

If your DS had pushed in front of her, she would have probably gone all 'cats bum' mouthed and grumbled about manners! YANBU I would have been miffed at anyone till gazumping regardless of age, respect is due went earnt. :-)

chocolatecoveredlissielou · 16/04/2011 19:14

yanbu, tis a favourite gripe of mine!

Pagwatch · 16/04/2011 19:15

She was rude. Her age had nothing to do with it.

justpaddling · 16/04/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ismene · 16/04/2011 19:18

I agree that age is irrelvant to good manners, but imho when a new till opens it tends to be a free for all anyway. Did it really save you that much time?

BeerTricksPotter · 16/04/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:19

It made me laugh that she assumed her age and infirmity took precedence.

As she was about to leave, my mother appeared walking slowly with her two walking sticks (she had seen what was going on from a distance but it took her a few minutes to reach us).

The look on this lady's face was priceless as I assume she thought I'd made up the elderly infirm mother bit!

OP posts:
MaisyMooCow · 16/04/2011 19:19

Daft old bat !

Original poster
MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:20

It wasn't a new till opening. It was one queue that lead to two tills - one to the right of the door and one to the left. We were next to be served at whichever till came free first.

OP posts:
Original poster
MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:20

led not lead.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/04/2011 19:20

I was waiting to help ds2 get his breakfast this morning when a boy of about 8 pushed straight in front of us.
"ooops" said his mum " he's only little - not great at waiting yet"
No he was rude. But it isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean that all children are rude.

theoldbrigade · 16/04/2011 19:20

If you are ill mannered at 18 the next 60 years will make not a tad of difference in my view !!

specialmagiclady · 16/04/2011 19:24

I'm touching my nose and pointing!

Original poster
MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:26

I wasn't implying that all older people are rude. My mum is probably a similar age to this lady. Did make me realise that ds really does have impeccable manners. Without fail he always says 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me please'. Even when we are in the park he will say 'thank you' and ''nice to have met you' to children he plays with.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/04/2011 19:33

I know. But tbh I think treating elderly people with courtesy and respect, even when they are cantankerous, is good manners.

I don't think they are impervious to criticism, and a rude person is a twat regardless of age. But in general I would always like to be well mannered to older people because in being respectful of those who are more vulnerable than us we are showing ourselves to be thoughtful and generous.

Of course we don't have to. Of course they mayn't deserve it. But in general I and my family are more able to wait and therefore try to be generous.
It doesn't really hurt.

I know before my dad died it seemed to me that he was more anxious about being out and about and that made him snappy. It was fear I think. He felt a bit less able, less sure of himself. I think that vulnerability is why some older people get a bit grumpy.

Pagwatch · 16/04/2011 19:37

Sorry. I meant to put a few Smiles in there....

I am just saying how I feel about it. Not saying how others should. Dh for example wanted to twat boy in breakfast queue....
Grin

Original poster
MollieO · 16/04/2011 19:38

I know what you mean Pag as I went through it with my dad. His personality changed completely in the 6 months leading up to his death.

No this lady spoke as if the notion of queuing behind a child was utterly ridiculous. She had a complete sense of entitlement, which was not justified. She wasn't on her own and she was a damn sight more mobile than my mother who ended up coming over to see what had happened (I'd left her in the adjoining restaurant as she struggles to walk even with sticks).

I was happy to queue but not happy to wait longer than necessary because my mother does get anxious when left.

OP posts:
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 16/04/2011 19:44

I can remember queuing up in shops as kid in the 70s and getting totally ignored by the assstants untill all adults had been served!

hairfullofsnakes · 16/04/2011 19:47

Pagewatch - I think the Op was more than polite - just because someone is old it doesn't entitle them to be idiots and not called up on twatty behaviour. How awful to say a little boy 'doesn't matter'

OP you are more restrained than I would have been. I am all for good manners and being polite and respectful to older people but in this case I may have called her a silly cow!

Reminds me when I was in a garden centre restaurant with my two dc and when I was leaving there was no space for my buggy to get through so I very politely asked a lady would she mind moving to let me pass and she actually had a go at me shouting she wad old and had a stick (I hadn't noticed) and no she would not! Some other old people with manners moved their chairs so I could pass and looked shocked at her rudeness - I said loudly that she could have just explained it was difficult and to learn some manners!

MadamDeathstare · 16/04/2011 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 16/04/2011 20:03

It is horrible time isn't it Mollie? Sorry you had the same thing with your dad.

Yeah. Like I said. She was rude.

saffy85 · 16/04/2011 20:09

YANBU. Respect is a 2 way thing, regardless of age. Aleast that's what I'm teaching my DC. People like this "lady" have a shocking sense of entitlement, however there are plenty of much younger people with the same attitude ime.

pointythings · 16/04/2011 21:00

YANBU.
I once got seriously elbowed out in the ribs whilst waiting in the deli queue in the supermarket, by a little old lady about half my size shoving her way in. So I told her "Madam, if you are fit enough to elbow me like that then you are fit enough to wait your turn."
Certainly gave the deli staff a laugh. Being old does not excuse you from having good manners.

NellieForbush · 16/04/2011 21:20

Some elderly people think their age makes bad manners acceptable. But they are just rude. YANBU.

icanhearthebells · 16/04/2011 22:00

I went into a post office when i was a teenager, chose a card and ambled up to the till to pay.
When I got there a very snotty woman behind the till told me that 'mrs smith was next.'
I was confused and looked around trying to identify 'Mrs Smith.'
I saw an older lady hovering over by the other side of the shop.

There was no way she was in any queue and was no where near the till.
I apologised and let her go infront of me.
Afterwards, the more I thought about it, it really irritated me. I would never have dared to say anything to an 'adult' at the time
Now I would!

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