to think that ill mannered older people shouldn't take precedence over youth

[MollieO]

Queuing in garden centre this afternoon with 6 yr old ds and trolley. We were next in the queue to be served when a till became free. Before ds could push his trolley to the till (about 2m) an elderly couple pushed past and got to the till first.

I pointed out that we were next to be served. The lady said that she only had one jar (if she had asked to go in front of us I would have probably said yes). I replied that she should have asked us. Then she said that she was disabled (walking with two sticks). I pointed out that my elderly disabled mother (who also has two sticks and is very infirm) was waiting for us.

I said that I thought she lacked manners in pushing past us. She muttered something. I asked her to repeat what she had said.

She said that because ds was a child he "didn't matter" and she had the right to go in front of him!

I thought but did not say WTF. The two till assistants stood there open mouthed.

I did say that I thought she should learn some manners. Poor ds was actually quite upset at how dismissive she was of him.

I'm all for respecting elders but I do think that this isn't automatic. I wonder what this lady would have said if ds had pushed in front of her?

When you say DS was pushing his trolley, did he have one of those 'play ones'? It was rude of her anyway but I'm wondering if she thought it was going to take ages.

She should have asked, it's good manners, but not everybody has them.

The thing that REALLY riles me in this situation is when the shop assistants do not ensure people are served in the order of who is in the queue first. I have given some a few choice words for doing this before, and ive even spoke out when others have been barged in front of and the shop assistants have just said nothing and gone to serve them. Unfortunatley I am aware people get stabbed for less these days.

I would never correct or question a old person in front of a bairn. Yes on this occasion the old one was in the wrong but that doesn't alter the fact that it is imo not right to confuse a bairn about the principal that old people must NOT be back answered or cheeked. Age before beauty OP

beesimo, age has nothing to do with it. if the op hadnt confronted the woman she is saying to her ds that its ok for people to be rude, and that his feelings arent as important. being old doesnt mean that you are due any more respect than anyone else.

Yanbu

'doenst matter' how rude

Age has nothing to do with rudeness. They were probably just as rude when they were younger.

I can give you examples of younger people being just as rude.

Once in a coffee queue in a cafe, a mum with a child pushes in front of me and I said something. She says "I have a child and I don't want to wait longer than necessary" her child was about 4 and not making a sound and was clearly not bothered at standing in the short queue.

Just last week, I was leaving M&S and saw a dad with a child in a buggy and another child that looked about 6. He stood behind the glass door making no attempt to turn around and open the door and back in with the buggy or as his other child to open it as he was big enough to do. No he stood and waited until i was leaving the shop, I opened the door to leave and he walks straight through> I held the door for open for him (as I'm very happy to help people with buggies) but he didn't even look at me or say thank you. I said to him "you're welcome" and he looked at me as if I was stupid and kept walking.

Madamdeathstare I agree but the opposite also applies.

I ahve lost count of the number of times parents push in front of others under the guise that they have children.

There is a woman on the bus I fogot about for my earlier post who turns up every monring for the school run with her twins who look about 8-9 and a huge dog. She walks to the front of a HUGE queue and pushes her DC's on in frotn of everyone else, they take up seats where fare paying adults are standing and were in the queue ahead of them. I often see the mother on the train alone too, she pushes everyone out the way with her elbows to get a seat.

Her children are going to grow up with a sense of entitlement just like their mother's. They will think it is entirely acceptable to behave as she does.

After the event I would of said to the bairn 'well that was a very rude old lady, but Mam didn't say anything because she was old and a bit daft. We don't say anything to old people because if they get in a paddy and the police get called we might get wrong even though we didn't start it. Besides which she may be going back home (dementia) so we'll be kind and turn the other cheek. Poor old lass.'

It wasn't a queue for the last lifeboat on the Titanic OP. Was it really worth ramping the situation up? Because at the end of the day you won't get a badge saying I'm right.

Pagwatch, that was a lovely generous post.
We too, watched my father become unsure and vulnerable when out in the months before he died. He also was a bit cantankerous at times to cover his feeling of not being able to cope as well as he once did. Most times he made allowances for others, particularly children. But sometimes he made mistakes that he wouldn't have done once upon a time and felt foolish. There were days when it was too difficult for him to face crowds (something he wouldn't have thought twice about only months earlier). It took a while for a diagnosis on his illness so he didn't understand why he felt the way he did.
Seeing him struggle has made me more tolerant of older people.

Rude older people have probably always been rude. Some people just are.

All this OAP bashing makes me slightly paranoid as I shuffle slowly into old age

We live in a retirement area that is like God's waiting room and I never cease to be amazed at the rudeness of some older people. Oddly they are often the ones who are first to complain about the young!

I am really proud that my DCs have grown up into well-mannered young people who have not let this colour their views.

I'm a shop assistant & if anyone pushes in i tell them there is a queue & there are people in front of them.

Manners are manners & when you reach a certain age you dont get a badge saying you can be as rude as you like.

Beeismo we will have to agree to differ. No one, absolutely no one will ever say to me that my child doesn't count because he is a child. At the moment I appear to have a child with the most impeccable manners I would never want to give him the impression that bad manners are acceptable. Nor do I want him to think that his feelings don't matter because he is a 'silly child' - as that lady said.

beesimo, i totally disagree. you earn respect, not through years, but through actions. the woman in the OP was incredibly rude. when i was getting mils christmas present I was elbowed out of the way by no less than three old dears and had the cardigan that I was holding snatched out of my hand with another. I chastised them, as I would my son. why is it ok to teach a small child that they are worth less respect than anyone else regardless of age.

wrong, wrong, wrong.

I have been thinking about what other posters have said, the fact is my DSs are going to have their Fathers massive build and hard rock features and it is important to me they know the way to go on now. You need to give them a good moral code I don't want them frightening old ones or lasses therefore I am probably overdoing the 'a real man respects his elders ect' .I also say if you hit a girl your hand will shrivel and fall off. Terrible aren't I

I impose similiar rules on the girls because frankly it doesn't hurt to have a bit of humility and patience ther are enough bairns being brought up to think the sun shines out of their backsides,

For myself I would always hold back to let a older/disabled/pregnant/person through it is how I was reared.

I really couldn't have been arsed to enter into the discussion you had with this woman, OP. In the time you were having it she could have been served and the sales assistant could have been on to your turn.

I don't blame you for being narked and she was rude. It just wasn't worth the raising of your blood pressure.

I always give a pointed "you're welcome" to ignorant people who don't bother to acknowledge that I have let them pull out/held door open/stood aside. I don't expect them to grovel but they could at least nod or smile.

Beesimo - there's a difference though between holding back to letting an older/pregnant/disabled person through and that person pushing in?

I'd have been disappointed that the shop assistant didn't say to her "That boy was first. Please wait your turn"

And I would have said something to the older lady.

I hate hate hate rudeness and age is no defence.

YANBU.

I was at the supermarket the other day in the evening rush hour with DD. Lots of frenzied mothers with DCs on the way home from school buying odd last minute bits. An elderly disabled woman with a massively laden trolley asked to take precedence over the queue. WTF? Why did she choose that time of day to do her weekly shop?

She was served before us. We had to wait for the other till to come free. The two till assistants were teenagers. One stood there open mouthed at what this woman said.

As I said in my OP, had she asked I would have let her go first. Instead she chose to push past us. What example does that set for my ds if I stood there and said nothing? Also what would my ds have thought if I had said nothing to the rude and derogatory comments she made?

I'm not sure saying nothing in that situation would have worked. Ds stood there when she pushed past him looking dumbfounded. To my mind it wasn't a situation that could have gone uncommented.

I regularly hold doors open, let people go through first etc. Only rarely do people acknowledge or say thank you. If I cba I may say 'I don't mind if you say thank you' or 'gosh I must be invisible'.

As for allowing others bad manners to prevail because of your size, this woman was taller than me and I'm 5'10". Ds will probably be about 6'4" but is being raised to know good manners from bad and to respect others. I expect his behaviour towards others to be impeccable and I'm pleased to say that it is (he tends to save his bad behaviour for when we are at home).

YANBU. I would never encourage a young person to be rude or disrespectful to an adult. However I think not saying anything at all would only teach children that is is OK for adult to be rude/not follow rules and risk them being walked over for years to come and to then become a rude adult themselves. You can deal with it by still being polite, just simple phrases like 'I'm sorry there's a queue' IYSWIM.

I will go against the grain here. I think you deserve each other. Old lady should not have pushed in front, but, purleeeez, arguing with her over this in front of your child - how pathetic!!

I couldn't agree less bemybebe! :) I think the OP did the right thing showing her son that you can stand up for yourself calmly, and that bad manners and insults are never acceptable or excusable.
MollieO, YADNBU.