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Original poster

Normal 9 yr old behaviour or am I am crap parent OR are they just little sods?

90 replies

BoysDrivinMeMad · 15/04/2011 15:48

I have 9 yr old twin DSs and the following behaviour is pretty usual for them:

Screaming, fighting, punching and generally attacking each other for the slightest thing.
Namecalling, shouting and arguing.
Running round (they literally make me feel dizzy) any store we go in, touching and picking things up, sliding down the aisles on their knees Hmm.
Will not go to sleep in evenings as constantly mucking about (have tried separating them but they run between the bedrooms).
Messy eating, slapping lips, slurping (hilarious to them), leaving crumbs in every bloody crevice in the house no matter how hard I try to get them to eat at the table (talking snacks here, meals we eat together obviously).
Have to be told constantly to get ready in the mornings/when we are going out, i.e. upstairs supposed to be getting dressed but I will find them lying on the floor reading or colouring.
Have to supervise their nightly baths as they will cover the floor and all surfaces with water sliding down the back of the bath!
Have 'lost' both of them on occasion as they will just wander of and not look where we are going and will not be able to find us.
Jumping on the sofas/beds and a special favourite of mine - standing on the back of sofa and divebombing it while I am sitting on it!

This behaviour would be pretty normal for 3 year old say, but 9 year olds? None of their peers seem to do this and when I walk around a shop and see other kids walking round nicely with their parents looking at mine like they are in shock, I just want to cry.

Now they get told off and punished for all this behavior so it's not like I have always let them do this, it's just like a bloody groundhog day all day everyday. They have very good diets, in fact the 'worst' one eats a LOT of fruit and veg as that is his favourite food. Dh sometimes says that it's because I am a vegetarian and while pregnant with them, they did not get enough protein in their brains (am starting to wonder now)!!!! Neither of them have SN btw.

OP posts:
cricketballs · 15/04/2011 15:53

take a deep breath - it only gets worse before it gets better..........

BeckleinDisguise · 15/04/2011 15:54

Sounds like normal boy/sibling behaviour to me...

My boys are 10 and 8 and exhibit every behaviour you listed above!

I am also a vegetarian... although I think your DH is talking rubbish!

DurhamDurham · 15/04/2011 16:00

Well I've got girls who have never done most of what you have posted. They have their moments and are cheeky/fall out with each other but have never behaved in the ways you describe.

I don't think it's 'normal', unless boys and girls really are that different.

bellavita · 15/04/2011 16:01

Normal Grin

TheCrackFox · 15/04/2011 16:03

I have a 9 yr old boy. He will be lucky to make it to his 10th birthday. Grin

squeakytoy · 15/04/2011 16:04

I would say it is normal, but they need stricter boundaries. It is too boisterous and would drive me mad too.

grovel · 15/04/2011 16:06

Make them play rugby.

MySweetPrince · 15/04/2011 16:08

Bloody Hell - glad I have girls.........my nephew used to behave like this, always full of energy, rushing about all over the place. It slowed a bit when he joined the air cadets/scouts. If yours don't belong to any clubs it might be an idea to do this and they can use up their excessive energy elsewhere.

peeriebear · 15/04/2011 16:08

I have a 9yo DD. I think if she had a twin sister I'd have built them a cage in the garden by now.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 15/04/2011 16:11

I'll second rugby!

crunchbag · 15/04/2011 16:11

Normal behaviour but agree that they need stricter boundaries :)

I have a 9 year old and the groundhog day is a very good description :o

AngelsFingers · 15/04/2011 16:13

Normal here too, my DC's are 13 and 8.
They Are Driving Me Potty.

I left DS a snack last night to find he had catapulted mini sausages over the back yard. He says he didn't.

The morning things...don't get me started!

I sat in town yesterday waiting for their Dad, listening to headphones to drown out the sound of their bickering.. Blush...you know how it goes.

Boundaries are a challenge to my two,Grin

Bit Hmm at your DH though, that's a lot to make you responsible for!

stylenotfashion · 15/04/2011 16:22

They need a firm parent that's for sure. No way to hell my boys would behave like most of that OP. Think this is why boys get a shite reputation.

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph - will teach you to understand them and beat them at your own game.

It doesn't have to be like this.

pinkhebe · 15/04/2011 16:22

I think it's because there are 2 of them. What are they like when they're on their own?

I have an 8yr old and 11 yr old, and although the 8 yr old would love to slide down shop aisles on his knees, the 11 year old has learnt a small amount of common sense and wouldn't do it (although in private I know he'd love to)

They are very noisy too Sad

sparkle12mar08 · 15/04/2011 16:23

I have boys aged five and three and don't allow them to behave that way even now, and especially not in public. I don't think it's all normal behaviour to be honest. I think you need much, much stricter boundaries about behaving in public and about not physically hurting each other (the first line of your list). I would come down like a tonne of bricks on that sort of thing, sorry. I also wouldn't tolerate the disurption of each others bedtimes either. You need to re-establish the pecking order in your household with you at the top of it!

madwomanintheattic · 15/04/2011 16:23

i run a cub pack.

we have wondered whether administering ritalin disguised in a drink or snack at the beginning of every meeting would be ethically wrong, or an understandable solution to an overwhelming issue.

that said, if they are interested or involved, they can sit quietly, without a murmur, for over an hour.

so we have to work really hard to keep them on task and come up with something that will 'catch' them. really hard.

sadly the school don't bother, and allow them to run wild, mostly, so it's been an uphill battle to tone down the out of control physicality, and allow them to develop their attention skills Grin - at school they are allowed to fight/ play fight (the staff roll their eyes) and only get punished if someone actually gets hurt. so to not be allowed to roll around on the ground beating each other up is something we've had to work on. i have no idea whether the teachers have given up because think this is developmentally normal at this point, or whether they have tried to stop it and been unable to. either way it drives me crazy - a whole raft of boys who think it's appropriate to thump kick and punch whenever they feel like it, or just as something to do when they are bored. grr.

my 9yo ds is capable of spending hours on the trampoline. he isn't allowed to dive bomb anyone or anything in the house though... def get a trampoline and zip them on it if you haven't got one already. and i don;t tolerate anti-social behaviour in stores. absolutely no running or sliding (wtf?) - or you hold my hand. every 9yo's dream mother, me. i won't have them making a nuisance of themselves in a public space. some elderly customer will get hurt.

feggyart · 15/04/2011 16:24

some of its normal although mine are not allowed to run riot in supermarkets. they are also not allowed to physically fight as the norm. They have shouting matches but no punching kicking etc. the sleeping issue is zero tolerance as well, no messing between rooms.

You need to crack down. they are tipping the scales tbh.

I have three boys 12, 10 and 6

madwomanintheattic · 15/04/2011 16:25

oh, and yes, the night time thing has to stop. now.

different bedrooms (or put one in your bed until they are asleep and then move).

you sit outside the bedroom door and deal with any noise or fidgeting. they need to learn that bed means bed. end of.

stylenotfashion · 15/04/2011 16:29

I am absolutely shocked at any poster who replied this was normal. Unless in jest?

They are children yet this behaviour is more like an animal. No way acceptable, if that is what you mean by normal OP.

Danthe4th · 15/04/2011 16:31

Sounds sort of normal but I wouldn't put up with it, I have a soon to be 9 year old ds and a 6 year old and wouldn't put up with that.
Sounds like they need to be given some responsibility, find a way that they can feel good about their acheivments, does money motivate them, my ds helps his sisters with a paper round and it has helped him.
Not got twin experience but It sounds like they do everything together, can you not seperate them to do different activities. In the hols could one go on a day camp while you take one out and then alternate, you may get a better attitude with some one on one time.
Could you encorage different interests?
With siblings I often take one out to the park while the other chills with dad, I find it helps otherwise they spend so much time together they don't appreciate what each can do for themselves.

dittany · 15/04/2011 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloriaSmut · 15/04/2011 16:39

There was only 18 months age difference between my two sons. Some of what the OP describes is par for the course - I remember with horrid clarity the constant winding of each other up and name calling. They also needed to be reminded to get ready for things. However, dive-bombing furniture or behaving destructively in the house was absolutely forbidden and had been for long before they'd got to 9. Also, they were never, ever, allowed to behave like savages in public and that lesson had been learnt long before 9 too. What I found that didn't work was a constant regime of punishments and instead, had set certain boundaries early on. Which is not to say that they behaved perfectly - far from it - but certainly they were well mannered and in the main a pleasure to be around. We did, of course, have off days!!!

I think you need to sit your twins down and have as calm as possible a discussion about their behaviour and certainly, set some boundaries. Like now.

Oblomov · 15/04/2011 16:40

I don't think its normal. I only have a 7 yr old and a 2.5 year old admittedly. But I just wouldn't allow them to behave this way. We have just returned from tesco's and they were told off becasue they were really being pains.
I have a trampoline and think it is a GODSEND.

stylenotfashion · 15/04/2011 16:43

YY to trampolines!

Original poster
BoysDrivinMeMad · 15/04/2011 16:43

They go to cubs and have a trampoline! Cubs is the only activity at the moment. We have tried karate and football but they played up in those so I stopped it. The cub leader is very strict and has no trouble from them at all.

It is most definitely because there are 2 of them. When out alone with either of them, they are well behaved and we can have a lovely chat and it it is quite normal. The sliding down the aisles in Tesco thing was them egging each other on. We are strict parents believe it or not, they just don't listen (probably because I shout a lot but I kind of feel I have no other option!). They have the Wii/tv/computer removed for bad behaviour but they just don't care. I have tried giving them 'pocket money' with deductions for bad behaviour but they ended up never getting any so that did not really work either. They behave lovely for other people though, they just don't care that they are driving me to a nervous breakdown.

OP posts: