Normal 9 yr old behaviour or am I am crap parent OR are they just little sods?

[BoysDrivinMeMad]

I have 9 yr old twin DSs and the following behaviour is pretty usual for them:

Screaming, fighting, punching and generally attacking each other for the slightest thing.
Namecalling, shouting and arguing.
Running round (they literally make me feel dizzy) any store we go in, touching and picking things up, sliding down the aisles on their knees .
Will not go to sleep in evenings as constantly mucking about (have tried separating them but they run between the bedrooms).
Messy eating, slapping lips, slurping (hilarious to them), leaving crumbs in every bloody crevice in the house no matter how hard I try to get them to eat at the table (talking snacks here, meals we eat together obviously).
Have to be told constantly to get ready in the mornings/when we are going out, i.e. upstairs supposed to be getting dressed but I will find them lying on the floor reading or colouring.
Have to supervise their nightly baths as they will cover the floor and all surfaces with water sliding down the back of the bath!
Have 'lost' both of them on occasion as they will just wander of and not look where we are going and will not be able to find us.
Jumping on the sofas/beds and a special favourite of mine - standing on the back of sofa and divebombing it while I am sitting on it!

This behaviour would be pretty normal for 3 year old say, but 9 year olds? None of their peers seem to do this and when I walk around a shop and see other kids walking round nicely with their parents looking at mine like they are in shock, I just want to cry.

Now they get told off and punished for all this behavior so it's not like I have always let them do this, it's just like a bloody groundhog day all day everyday. They have very good diets, in fact the 'worst' one eats a LOT of fruit and veg as that is his favourite food. Dh sometimes says that it's because I am a vegetarian and while pregnant with them, they did not get enough protein in their brains (am starting to wonder now)!!!! Neither of them have SN btw.

any chance they can walk to/from school ?

yy to running freely (park/woods/beach) pref every day rather than just knocking about the garden

when they are running/sliding on knees in the shop what do you do? how do you respond? yy holding hands at first offence

how do they get to stand on the back of the sofa when you are sitting on it?

speak to school nurse about accessing parenting courses to help you to change your reaction to their behaviour

Not normal, IMVHO. You need to stamp this out now before they get older, more unruly and less likely to respond to parenting.

Some of it is obviously down to them egging each other on, and just being boisterous boys. That doesn't mean to should be tolerated - at 9 years old sliding all over the floor in supermarket is not acceptable. The fact they behave nicely for other people shows that they clearly know the rules, they just think they can get away with breaking them in front of you. You need to change that mentality and get tough.

OP - Have we scared you off?

Come back!!!!!!

Not normal behaviour as they will be exhausting themselves as well as you. Their levels of adrenalin will be high most of the time, no wonder they can't sleep. I would recommend a parenting programme that involves 'special time' - this means giving each child 15 minutes undivided attention every day. As they enjoy that time, they usually do, you use it as incentive for changes in behaviour.

yep sounds very like my nearly 11 year old DT's, when they started in shops I started making them hold my hands, worked a treat

Rugby or an excellent one is Karate. They get into the self control thing, self discipline etc. In the meantime igonre the poster who said "animals". Pick tweo or three issues that you really hate and get rid of them. With mine they would not get ready for school so i took them in their pjs. They got so much slagging that did not happen again. And I got a new leval of respect/FEAR!! Coasted for weeks on that one....

GiddyPickle, 50 years ago my uncle, very rambunctious, very big, very energetic STOLE (borrowed) a bike, rode down a hill, did not use the breaks as he wanted to see how fast he could go, went straight through a Woolworth's front door, into the displays causing havoc. Naturally everyone very concerned about his behavior etc and he ended up in boarding school from 8 years of age. He went on to be one of the best rugby players in the world. He remembers it very well, the concern the this and the that. To this day he says he did it BECAUSE IT WAS FUN. He enjoyed it. Most boys would not have done it but most boys did not have his future either.

Good Lord. I have a 9 year old and he has many friends and none of them behave like this.

But please remember you allow them to behave like this. It is your fault I won't soft soap you into believing this is normal and you yourself have said you see kids that are behaving well.

Just to clarify - I don't LET them behave like this. They are immediately told off (normally my incredulous 'what DO you think you're doing, you're 9 for gods sake'!) and when we get home, they have priviledges removed. The Wii has been removed for 2 weeks at one point and they were not bothered. I don't think they are bored They have neighbourhood friends to play with either in their gardens or ours, we go to the library weekly so they have loads of books to read, they have artsets etc which they really enjoy when they are in that frame of mind (normally when I need to go somewhere). Trampoline/cubs as well. Swimming every week. BUT they do need to be doing something ALL the time. It's like they don't know what to do next. They are not only DCs btw, we have 2 others who are nothing like them.

I am soft as well. I know that but I do sometimes think there must be much worse parents than me that don't have to put up with this! Even though I am a shouter (apart from at bedtime), they never take me or DH seriously. There is no fear of punishment iykwim.

Heartening to know others have DSs like this. Thanks.

''I don't let them behave like this''

''I am soft as well''

So which is it.

What do you mean? Do you think I let them slide down the aisles in Tesco while looking on approvingly? Of course I stop them doing what they are doing that is not acceptable, therefore 'I don't let them behave like this'.

mmmmmm but if they do it time and time again your dealing with it is not working....is it?

Then something is obviously missing in your approach because normal 9 year olds simply don't attack their siblings on a daily basis and don't slide down the aisles in a supermarket on their knees. They just don't. And it would therefore appear that most parents are able to set the discipline in their families accordingly. I really think you might need to get some further input into this, wither through your younger children's HV, or some other source, because it trully isn't normal, acceptable behaviour and you need to be able to stop it happening in the first place. Which you can't do right now, or you wouldn't be posting.

Am wondering if amdwoamn is ds2's leader, she's complained a few times now...

(in fairness ds2 has a complex case: borderline add, borderline dyspraxia, 2 asd sibs to cope with). We are strict as they come though, SSD are impressed by our aprenting dn I used to work for a aprenting charity so i dread to think what he'd be like if we were lax!

We also have a child who is 10 with asd. He's not so much like this; he's HF but has a more delibearte twist: ds2 is just energy struggling to escape. Even when reaidng or using his DSi he walks in circles!

OP hugs. I do think it is normal, at least for thsoe at the most active end of the scale. So- we have to find ways to manage it. Pared down diet, lots of exercise and strict rules with plenty of sleep. Probably what you already do! just- keep doing it, it can take time.

I don't see why OP should come back. Not much help this thread, I reckon.
I have 3 boys.
DS11 is well behaved in general. I've been complimented on how polite he is. I don't recognise anything OP posts... for him. Is an angel on his own.
DS6 is an animal, if he was a multiple my life would be impossible. I expect him to behave a lot like OP's twins when he's 9yo. Gets labeled a brat, "out of control", etc. Can be quite reasonable & amenable, though, if he has 100% of my attention.
DS3 seems a lot like DS11... bit ridiculous at times but still the least demanding 3-yr-old I've had.

I didn't raise them different, they just are different. I would have simple answers, too, if my only boys were the eldest & youngest.

GiddyPickle - well said!

Well said lljkk (as Mum to 4 boys myself, though no giirls)

children vary: behaviour is a spectrum and there will be children on either end - after all, some kids have Sn so there have to be some with nearly Sn don't there?

I;d be wanting to look at malevolence of behaviour: ds1 can be malevolent. oh I now it's down to his ASD and how it manifests in him; but ds2, despite the energy and and all the rest has a gentle soul: not an ounce of nastiness. It is quite obvious that with guidance he will grow out of it. gentle guidance, that creates a role model for him to emulate.

The difference is quite promounced really despite a 13 month age gap.

The OP wanted an opinion and she got it.

Some peoples children on the thread are the same as the OP's children, which in my opinion are badly behaved, naughty with not much disipline going on.

Only my opinion though, if OP thinks the behavior is normal then she can carry on as she is, but as she thinks this is normal for a '3' year old....[which i don't] she MUST change her ways.

Only my opinion though.

Sparkle i think it's general convention now to avoid using 'normal'- unless you would label kids who don;t fit that range as 'abnormal'?

It truly isn't average behaviour perhaps; far better a term. Much more meaningful too.

And now I will get slaughtered! bye!

Could ahve done with tis lot when i worked for a parenting charity; would have saved thouands with the ability to assess and evbaulate parenting and kids via a post on the internet! What a talent

Now I really am gonna run LMAO