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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DH going on holiday with his mates over Easter?

90 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 16:44

DH goes out fairly regularly without me, I'm usually but not always happy about it but I have never put any limits on it. We have a 2 year old DS.

He wants to go on a holiday with his mates Good Friday till Easter Monday even though we are skint and can't afford a family holiday again this year because of home improvements.

He has done this several times before, the last time was when DS was 3 months old. I have dug my heels in and said NO to this one as I don't want to be left alone again with DS and no money. It would also mean me having to find childcare for Friday as I am working a late shift Good Friday before my week off. He has told me that we can't come with him, it is exclusively lads only.

He has been moping about for 3 days now because I have ruined his Easter. He has ruined mine. AIBU?

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 14/04/2011 16:47

No. IMO, family comes before friends, so if there's no money for a family holiday, there is none for a holiday with mates.

mitochondria · 14/04/2011 16:48

YANBU.

I think if you can't afford a family holiday, it is unreasonable for him to have one on his own. In an ideal world, you'd be able to do both.

Do you get a holiday on your own?

grovel · 14/04/2011 16:49

How old is he?

TheVisitor · 14/04/2011 16:50

Tell him to get bloody real and stop being so selfish. In fact, from someone who is brassic at the moment, let me tell him for you!!!!

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 16:50

He is 9 years older than me

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 14/04/2011 16:51

I think you're right based on the fact you've no money for a family holiday so why should he get to go away when you don't?

Unless you call his bluff and plan a long weekend away yourself and leave him in charge of DS on his own!!

pallymama · 14/04/2011 16:51

Of course YANBU. He needs to grow the fuck up!

5Foot5 · 14/04/2011 16:56

Even if money wasn't tight it would be unfair of him to regularly go away and leave you with DS unless he was prepared to reciprocate so you could go away too.

He is being completely unreasonable. Surely he doesn't need to have this pointed out to him? He definitely needs to do some growing up. How long have you been married?

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 17:04

Married 5 years. I wouldn't want to have holidays without him now anyway. I want to do things with him. I thought that was the point of being married and having a family. I must be very boring.

OP posts:
CheekyLittleSox · 14/04/2011 17:05

Do you plan to go on holiday alone this year leaving HIM with the kids? No? Then why should he?!

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 17:10

You have two DSs, one aged 2 and one 9 years older than you! Shock YANBU

FlamingJamie · 14/04/2011 17:13

YANBU.

Out of interest, is he a lazy fecker round the house as well?

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 17:18

He is not a lazy fecker at all. He is brilliant round the house. He works very hard too.

I guess he feels like he deserves a break away with the lads. He says the other lad's wives don't have a problem with this - it's just me!

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 14/04/2011 17:20

What kind of relationship is one side telling another what to do, or one side telling another what they will do?

Something majorly fucked up there, its not a normal way for grown-ups in a relationship to behave.

Hassled · 14/04/2011 17:21

He's asking way too much of you. I know some couples do accommodate each other re separate holidays etc and it works well, but if you're not getting your share of time off (and I'm with you, I'd always rather spend it with my DH/family) then he has to see the injustice of it.

Hassled · 14/04/2011 17:21

You could show him this thread?

FlamingJamie · 14/04/2011 17:22

Sorry doll. Have just read too many MN threads where the partner takes the piss. No offence intended (my own DH is very nice too).

But you do have a problem with it, so discussion and compromise needs to take place. No need for sulking.

plupedantic · 14/04/2011 17:23

No! YADNBU! He needs to face up to the family finances, not make them worse. As for a holiday which would require you to pay for extra childcare as well, I am speechless! Shock

What a rude bugger. I recently nearly missed an evening out because DH had forgotten. However, when he realised, he left work immediately, met me half-way there to "take over" DS. Then I went on my way while he took DS home for supper and bed.

Your comment: "He has been moping about for 3 days now because I have ruined his Easter. He has ruined mine," is a very good one. Use it on him.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 14/04/2011 17:23

We do go away separately quite often, but I would have baulked at the idea of a lad's weekend away, especially over a 'family' holiday time such as Easter. And to clarify, when we go away separately, we take DD with us so the other is left at home in solitary splendour.

YANBU. He needs to grow up.

bellavita · 14/04/2011 17:24

He is BU.

jenga079 · 14/04/2011 17:24

Yanbu. DP and I are going away separately this weekend but that's so he can go climb a big mountain and I can eat cake with my mum! In other words, we can afford both and accept that sometimes it's healthy to want different things. Him going away with the lads leaving you skint & home alone is not fair.

FollowMe · 14/04/2011 17:26

Suggest that as both of your Easter weekends seem to be looking quite dismal at the moment, that you use the money he was planning to spend on his holiday away on himself and instead spend it on a nice couple of days away for all 3 of you as a family break!

BecauseImWoeufIt · 14/04/2011 17:28

If money wasn't an issue, then it would be a different matter. But if you haven't got enough money for a family holiday, how can he afford to go away with his mates?

YANBU - he is being a selfish arse.

rasta · 14/04/2011 17:30

YANBU, especially with the financial side of it and the childcare issue.

He needs to stop moping around too and get over it.

clam · 14/04/2011 17:38

He says you've ruined his Easter?? No, I think it's that he's ruined everyone's Easter, first by coming up with the bloody stupid idea in the first place, then by trying to blame you for "spoiling things."
Maybe everyone else's wife is OK with it because money's not so tight for them.
YANBU