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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DH going on holiday with his mates over Easter?

90 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 16:44

DH goes out fairly regularly without me, I'm usually but not always happy about it but I have never put any limits on it. We have a 2 year old DS.

He wants to go on a holiday with his mates Good Friday till Easter Monday even though we are skint and can't afford a family holiday again this year because of home improvements.

He has done this several times before, the last time was when DS was 3 months old. I have dug my heels in and said NO to this one as I don't want to be left alone again with DS and no money. It would also mean me having to find childcare for Friday as I am working a late shift Good Friday before my week off. He has told me that we can't come with him, it is exclusively lads only.

He has been moping about for 3 days now because I have ruined his Easter. He has ruined mine. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/04/2011 22:42

I am brilliant and deserve a break too! I am off work for a week after Good Fri but he says we can't come with him. It is a lads' only birthday weekend. And there wouldn't be enough money for us to come.

No we don't want to be left alone and skint. I think he should treat US with his piggy bank money.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 15/04/2011 22:45

Right but now DS is two years old so I'm assuming he hasn't actually gone away for two years, sorry if that's incorrect on my part

But actually, why is he regularly going out without her anyway if they're skint? Never mind the weekend away, that's selfish as well

dreamingbohemian · 15/04/2011 22:46

x-post

I think he should too!!
Could you use the money to go out for a nice easter dinner or something?

Amateurish · 15/04/2011 23:06

YABU - life's too short to have a marital crisis over this. Just let him go and enjoy himself. Then make sure when you next have some spare cash that you get to go on a weekend away with friends, and he can look after the kids.

plupedantic · 16/04/2011 11:04

"next" time? Amateurish? The OP has said he has done this several times already? When is it her turn? When is it the kids' turn?

discobeaver · 16/04/2011 15:02

Well if he wanted the improvements done he definitely shouldn't go. As for the 200 quid, that won't pay for a lads long weekend away, nowhere near.
And anyone can save up if the money they save should be spent on their family. The two pound coins should be going on either household bills or a family treat.
Got no probs with partners having lads weekends away f that's what they want, but not if it means the other person suffers.

Alouiseg · 16/04/2011 15:26

£200!!!! That's a meal and a couple of rounds, not a lads weekend away.

He's taking the piss and I'm generally the first to say it's great to have separate breaks, but not at the expense of a family holiday.

DontGoCurly · 16/04/2011 16:00

'He says the other lad's wives don't have a problem with this - it's just me!'

Don't believe that shite for a minute. Either the other wives are getting holidays too in return or else they are weak doormats. I'd say the former!

Tell him no way. He's got a cheek asking btw.

saffy85 · 16/04/2011 17:04

YANBU. WHere the fuck does he get off?! If you can't afford a family holiday, fair enough, many families are in the same boat, mine included, but that also means there isn't any money for a lads' only holiday.

Let the miserable sod sulk his arse off. He was being unfair and selfish to even think about a lads' only holiday while you and your DS stay home like total mugs.

Inertia · 16/04/2011 18:44

If he has 200 quid in his piggy bank he ought to be replacing your son's savings.

Anyway, he would only have 160 once he'd paid the childcare.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 16/04/2011 19:25

I can't find this mysterious piggy bank anywhere! Any suggestions where I might find it?

OP posts:
plupedantic · 18/04/2011 09:32

Is the piggy bank a credit card?

Just a thought.

MmeSurvivedLent · 18/04/2011 09:39

No way will he get a lads' weekend away on £200.

I am always happy for DH to have weekends away, but I go away with my girlfriends too, and we only do what we can afford.

In your situation, it would be very irresponsible of him to go. You could have a couple of lovely family days out with £200. Or replace some of your DS's savings and go for a day out together.

maighdlin · 18/04/2011 09:49

i thought i would say YABU let him go but if you have no money to spare and his being a sulking child over it tell YAsoNBU. He is being a selfish arse. IMO it would be the sulking over it that would piss me off more.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 18/04/2011 09:50

If he's so childish that he's sulking then he really shouldn't be going away without mummy and daddy should he? Hmm

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 09:54

Your husband is a twat, and you are very silly to constantly indulge his twattery. I expect when he goes on these nights out that you are only "partly" happy with he spends far too much (family) money..

he is a grown family man ? Yes ?

then he should act like one

spare cash is for jollies with friends

not going into debt and playing silly buggers with finances
and sulking to make you feel bad

tell him to grow the fuck up and decide where his prorities lie

you "ruined his Easter" ?

I would consider having a husband who acted like this as ruining my life

oohlaalaa · 18/04/2011 10:02

YANBU

caramelwaffle · 18/04/2011 10:07

Yanbu.

Did he go?

ScroobiousPip · 18/04/2011 10:14

You have to work over Easter so he needs to take responsibility for childcare. Up to him whether he stays at home or takes DS away. Leaving you to work and sort childcare is not on.

Tbh though the way you describe him suggests a bigger issue here about how you both prioritise money. I suspect you'd never take a weekend to yourself because any money will always be needed for DIY/savings etc, whereas he will spend whatever he has on 'fun' stuff the moment it hits the bank account. That's going to lead to friction in the long term if you don't figure out how to compromise (eg, if we save up x pounds this year for family use, then we can each have a night away at the end of the year, costing no more than xxx pounds).

ScroobiousPip · 18/04/2011 10:15

Doh. Just realised the OP was written before the weekend. Blush

sausagesandmarmelade · 18/04/2011 11:07

Also wondered how old he is as it sounds like he needs to grow up and take care of his responsibilities...

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 23/04/2011 21:47

It is THE weekend now. I finished work just after 9pm last night for the week and I have tried my best to be entertaining today so that I don't feel too bad about him having to stay with boring, uncool me and DS for the weekend.

But it is not good enough for him. He has just stormed out now after a row - he has been snapping my head off all day when I have tried to suggest fun things to do.

We all had a lovely evening meal with a bottle of wine on the patio.
Since DS has gone to bed DH kept snapping at me saying he is bored so I told him to get out. He has taken the car and says he is not coming back!

I'm really upset the way he has treated me. We don't deserve this. He may as well have gone on that fucking stupid weekend then maybe I could be thinking about how to go it alone with DS. I'm just thinking while angry, I know that.

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 23/04/2011 21:55

Oh god. So sorry.

He is doing his best to blame you - make everything your fault.
You have to know it is not your fault.

He is actually quite a selfish, selfish person.

You have finally called him on it and he is pushing back at you.

It is not acceptable to treat you like this; to expect you to lay down and be treated like an inconvenience.

shergar · 23/04/2011 21:57

Dolldagga, show him this thread. He has a LOT of growing up to do.

caramelwaffle · 23/04/2011 21:58

As for "he may as well as gone on the weekend ..."

that is EXACTLY what he wants you to feel.

It is a well worn ploy by utterly selfish people.