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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DH going on holiday with his mates over Easter?

90 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/04/2011 16:44

DH goes out fairly regularly without me, I'm usually but not always happy about it but I have never put any limits on it. We have a 2 year old DS.

He wants to go on a holiday with his mates Good Friday till Easter Monday even though we are skint and can't afford a family holiday again this year because of home improvements.

He has done this several times before, the last time was when DS was 3 months old. I have dug my heels in and said NO to this one as I don't want to be left alone again with DS and no money. It would also mean me having to find childcare for Friday as I am working a late shift Good Friday before my week off. He has told me that we can't come with him, it is exclusively lads only.

He has been moping about for 3 days now because I have ruined his Easter. He has ruined mine. AIBU?

OP posts:
FlamingJamie · 14/04/2011 17:43

If everyone else's wife put their head in the oven, would you? That's what I'd say to him. Or something ....

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/04/2011 16:24

Part of me wants him to go now. I can't stand that he is only staying with us cos I've held a gun to his head. A bit drastic I know.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 15/04/2011 16:30

YANBU He is being selfish.

ENormaSnob · 15/04/2011 16:30

Yanbu.

He is acting like a spoilt, petulant 14 year old.

Pathetic IMO.

BarbieGrows · 15/04/2011 16:39

Tell him you'll go with him. He shouldnt go without you. His mates shouldn't encourage him to do this either. If they do they're not mates really.

plupedantic · 15/04/2011 16:43

Well, he can't go. You can't afford it. He should put up with that, rather than making you put up with his moaning!

GloriaSmut · 15/04/2011 16:43

I assumed, initially, that he must be about 15 years old. Because I could, sort of, tolerate that sort of immature strop about not being allowed to go away with your mates from a teenager. I'm not keen on telling (alleged) adults that they can or can't do things because if they can't see how inappropriate a certain course of behaviour is then all the forbidding in the world won't change their behaviour. However, I think I'd make an exception here.

tiredemma · 15/04/2011 16:51

god he sounds pathetic.

discobeaver · 15/04/2011 19:16

Were the home improvements a joint decision? That's the onlyy justification for sulking re the holiday, if you wanted stuff done around the house and he didn't. Otherwise it's not really on to expect a holiday if you can't all have one.

cat64 · 15/04/2011 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 15/04/2011 19:24

tell him to

sort your fri childcare problem
find the money for a amily holiday
find the money for you over easter at home

then if there are any resources left,then he will be able to easily go....

MissBetsyTrotwood · 15/04/2011 19:28

You are not being at all unreasonable. He is. And needs to snap out of it immediately because he is a grown man . And a husband. And a father. You sound a very understanding partner and he's extremely lucky to have you.

rookiemater · 15/04/2011 19:30

What sort of holiday is it, how expensive will it be?

Not saying he should go or anything but it would be helpful to know

FabbyChic · 15/04/2011 19:31

Why should you go without so he can go away? How does that actually work that you are broke but he can afford a weekend away but you cannot afford to go anywhere as a family?

Sorry he needs to readdress his priorities.

TidyDancer · 15/04/2011 19:52

If he can fund the things you need as a family, and can make time for you all together, then he can go on holiday. End of.

YANBU.

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:15

YANBU, but then I wouldn't be happy about my DH going off on a "lads" holiday even if we could afford it, so maybe not the best person to answer.. but in your siruation, DEFINITELY nbu.

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:15

situation!

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/04/2011 22:02

The home improvements were HIS decision. Yes we needed them but I wanted to us save for them as it could have waited.

He's brow beaten me into getting them done and out of the way and we have emptied DCs savings (since birth) to help keep us afloat. I also do regular extra shifts at work. We have no savings.

However, he has told me he has a piggy bank with approx £200 worth of £2 coins and this is what he will use. He always underestimates cost to suit him.

IME when he says something he wants will cost so much I double it and then add some more and come up with a more accurate estimation of what he will spend. He would go into our joint account and overdraw. I do not go overdrawn unless absolutely necessary and this is NOT absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
plupedantic · 15/04/2011 22:04

This is sounding worse and worse.

Happymm · 15/04/2011 22:05

Agree with you. He shouldn't go, and is being a childish twat for sulking about it :o

shakey1500 · 15/04/2011 22:09

No WAY are you BU! This sounds terrible. How can he not see how unfair, unaffordable and unreasonable this all is???

Let him sulk. He's probably hoping if he sulks more you'll change your mind. Don't give him the satisfaction. He's being totally out of order on so many levels.

lexxity · 15/04/2011 22:11

Tell him to grow the fuck up and get real.

plupedantic · 15/04/2011 22:12

Let's hope, though, that he does continue sulking, rather than deciding to go anyway. Sad

dreamingbohemian · 15/04/2011 22:32

Welll....if he's brilliant around the house, works very hard and hasn't had his own getaway for almost two years, then it might be a little unreasonable to deny him a holiday if the real reason is just that you don't want to be left alone.

But if you don't have the money, you don't have the money. It shouldn't be about whether you 'let' him go or not, he should be sensible.

I'll pay for my lads weekend with my piggy bank money? Hmm

plupedantic · 15/04/2011 22:37

dreaming bohemian, the OP said he goes out regularly without her and has "done this [gone away, I assume] several times before, the last time was when DS was 3 months old."