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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i genuinely want to know..

59 replies

fluffles · 13/04/2011 22:25

before i start i want to say my DH is really lovely and has bought me flowers because i was upset last night but he doesn't see that he's done anything wrong and although i'm not annoyed anymore i want to know if you think IWBU to be upset...

so, i do some voluntary work, i do enjoy it but it involves hard work and responsibility for other people's children.

last year, we had a weekend away - me in charge of lots of kids, very hard work, voluntary and rewarding but not exactly a 'holiday'. DH couldn't bear the thought of being left alone all weekend so arranged a weekend away with two mates, which was fine, but he was an hour late picking me up after my weekend and i was waiting with my kit by the side of a road in the dark as everybody else had packed up and gone Sad

this year, i said, for goodness sake leave me the car! so he has, but he emailed all our joint friends to say he was being left alone and did any of them want to go away with him an they all said yes Sad so now all our joint friends and him are having a long weekend away (longer than my trip). i said i was a bit annoyed about this as it would probably be the only weekend away of the summer that 'the group' could all make and he'd deliberately made it the weekend i was busy. he thinks IABVU and that he shouldn't have to sit at home alone.

So... AIBU to be upset and feel left out???

[for the record, he has now bought flowers, i have stopped being upset but still think IWNU to be upset, and of course they're all still going]

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 13/04/2011 22:28

No, YANBU in my book. DH would want me to be there for a big group meet-up like that, and would have arranged it for when I was available.

Maryz · 13/04/2011 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hardhatdonned · 13/04/2011 22:29

He is being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with being home alone for a weekend and then arranging the group do with you too. I'd also be more than pissed off with my 'friends' that none of them mentioned this fact too!

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 22:30

YABU and YANBU. I know why you feel left out, and I also know why he needn't sit at home alone. But he does rather seem to have forgotten you might like a weekend with friends.

Does this mask some underlying resentment he may have of the effort you make for the volountary work rather than friends/him?

Joint friends are a mistake as a main body of friends, this is a case in point.

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 22:34

Why has he deliberately arranged a weekend away with friends for a time that you cannot attend ?

Very odd

And why can't he stay at home on his own for a couple of days ? Is he 9 years old ?

My DH would love a free weekend to sit in his underpants eating crisps and watching shite tv

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:34

Oops. His plan backfired. He should rearrange with everyone for a date that you can join them, and suck it up in the meantime while you go away alone.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 22:35

perfumedlife these particular joint friends were mainly his friends to begin with (and his friend's partners) because he has always lived where we live now whereas i've moved around more and my friends are scattered all over, we have both integrated with each others' friends (together 6 years) and go on holiday with those who were 'mine' but see those who were originally 'his' more often.. maybe this is why he didn't think.. though he says he just didn't for a minute expect more than one or two to say yes and therefore the fact it has all taken off as a big trip is not his fault (which it sort of isn't)

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 22:37

ok. another question...

i'm copied in on all the arranging emails... should i send one saying 'sorry i'm missing out, hope we can all go away again in August/September?'

OP posts:
G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:40

fluffles - and if they say no? You're still going to resent him/them, aren't you?

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 22:42

Ah, got you fluffles.

The more I think about this, the more odd it seems. It looks like he waits until you confirm a weekend and then goes in to full throttle. If only he was like that making plans that included you.

hairylights · 13/04/2011 22:42

Yabu.

Maryz · 13/04/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:47

I'm not the most reasonable person in the world, but even I know that Maryz is wrong on that one.

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 22:47

your husband sounds like a dick

charlieandlola · 13/04/2011 22:48

YABU

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 22:48

Eggy, is it really you???? I've been wondering where you were. Grin

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 22:50

PL, I have not been anywhere, kidder Smile

Maryz · 13/04/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 22:52

I would want to do what Maryz said. Or something along those lines.

It is really mean of everyone to be copying you in!

PinsAndNoodles · 13/04/2011 22:53

I'm with the people wondering why a grown man can't survive the weekend on his own? I live on my own (with one small DS) so not much sympathy here!

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 22:54

I feel a namechange coming on, am way too boring and staid. Feel like I havn't seen you in weeks!

Fluffles, when you chatted about the upcoming weekend, did he say straight away I might do something? Or did he just keep it quiet?

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:54

I'd want to do what Maryz says, too. But it's still not right. That said, I'm coming from a perspective whereby if my partner accidentally did something like this, he'd come around to my way of thinking sharpish! :)

hardhatdonned · 13/04/2011 22:55

I wonder if he has this planned every year in a kind of "the mrs goes away this weekend nudge nudge" kind of thing not that i'm a cynic but i'd be inclined to believe they've done this on purpose and have discussed this at length previously.

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 22:56

I know, I'm just back from a three day bender cultural tour in Edinburgh, mum had ds and dh spent three days in his dressing gown eating cold curry and playing his guitar. Why the need to run off?

abbierhodes · 13/04/2011 22:57

Why is Maryz wrong? Confused. TBH, I'd speak to them all and rearrange it to a weekend I could go. He sounds like a dickhead.