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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i genuinely want to know..

59 replies

fluffles · 13/04/2011 22:25

before i start i want to say my DH is really lovely and has bought me flowers because i was upset last night but he doesn't see that he's done anything wrong and although i'm not annoyed anymore i want to know if you think IWBU to be upset...

so, i do some voluntary work, i do enjoy it but it involves hard work and responsibility for other people's children.

last year, we had a weekend away - me in charge of lots of kids, very hard work, voluntary and rewarding but not exactly a 'holiday'. DH couldn't bear the thought of being left alone all weekend so arranged a weekend away with two mates, which was fine, but he was an hour late picking me up after my weekend and i was waiting with my kit by the side of a road in the dark as everybody else had packed up and gone Sad

this year, i said, for goodness sake leave me the car! so he has, but he emailed all our joint friends to say he was being left alone and did any of them want to go away with him an they all said yes Sad so now all our joint friends and him are having a long weekend away (longer than my trip). i said i was a bit annoyed about this as it would probably be the only weekend away of the summer that 'the group' could all make and he'd deliberately made it the weekend i was busy. he thinks IABVU and that he shouldn't have to sit at home alone.

So... AIBU to be upset and feel left out???

[for the record, he has now bought flowers, i have stopped being upset but still think IWNU to be upset, and of course they're all still going]

OP posts:
IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 13/04/2011 22:58

I don't really see why this is a big deal.

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:59

Oh I'm saying to rearrange, too. I'm just saying that it should be done in the right way, and not one that aims to "teach anyone a lesson" (like I'd also be tempted to do). It's just a question of how to go about doing things while keeping everyone on side.

abbierhodes · 13/04/2011 23:02

I think I'd just be in a strop, and if they're real friends they'd understand that.

Iwouldnot...really? You've never felt left out when friends have done something without you? You wouldn't feel a little annoyed by this?

AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:02

The email maryz suggested would be what you'd want to do, but it would be including everyone in your spat.

Why would you air your dirty laundry? So everyone can say 'oh, that's terrible' and feel uncomfortable about going?

I'm another one wondering why he can't bare the thought of being by himself for a couple of days?

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:02

hardhatdonned - I'm sure it's not like that and our friends would never go along with that (particularly his best mates partner as she and I are close)

But everyone who says he's being a bit of a baby are right. He's also not very good when I get him to come along if I'm doing a half marathon or similar - I think he likes to think of himself as 'the one who does stuff'.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 23:04

Just a minute, this is down to the dickhead DH

not the group of friends

the relationship between Op and him is their business, and assuming these friends have contributed to her feeling left out just takes the onus off him

for all OP knows, he could have told his friends anything

AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:05

'I think he likes to think of himself as 'the one who does stuff''

What stuff does he do?

Everything but support what you want to do.

Katisha · 13/04/2011 23:06

HE sounds jealous. And it sounds like he is punishing you for going away.

Twat.

Show him the thread.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:07

I know what he told our friends cause I'm copied on all the emails. It was not planned or malicious but I think it was unthinking.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:08

But he might not have said anything at all to them you EggyFucker (Grin)

In which case it puts them in an awkward postition.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:10

I think he might be a little jealous but who am I to criticise as now I am the one who is jealous.

Glad a lot of you think ianbu though. Will probably now admit to a mutual friend or two in private that I was a bit p'd off.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 23:11

I wouldn't give a shit about the friends being put in an awkward position

but I would like an explanation about why my husband booked a break with friends at a time when he knew for certain i would be otherwise engaged

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 23:13

fluffles...talk to your husband, not to a couple of friends behind his back that are a "bit peed off"

I have a feeling you are both as bad as each other now

game playing won't resolve this

is communication usually so shit between you both ? Passive aggression is no a useful way to get your point across, for either of you

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 23:14

that you are a bit peed off

sorry, trying to do two things at once

Maryz · 13/04/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:18

I've already talked to him. He said he didn't want to sit in the house on his own all weekend (fair enough) so he sent a group email looking for a companion or two to do something. And that it's not his fault they were all free and all said yes and it turned into a big weekend away (also true).
At this point he offered to cancel or not go and sit at home alone instead. But I told him not to. So he bought me flowers today as apology. He's not that terrible a husband really.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:19

You're one of those people who has slanging matches daaan the high street aren't you EggyFuck? Grin

They were origionally his mates, but the OP calls them 'our friends' now, so publically emailing them all would be a bit of an embarrassing way to make her point.

Now a 'whispering campaign' about his intentions (behind his back of course Wink) telling a couple of them privately is much better.

That way she's more likely to get support, gather any rumours he's up to anything, at the same time as keeping her dignity in tact.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:19

But I will be suggesting to everyone that we have another weekend that I CAN make.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggyFucker · 13/04/2011 23:20

so no problem then ?

righty-ho

that's 15 minutes of my life I will never get back

< wanders off >

perfumedlife · 13/04/2011 23:23
Grin

Ah, so my reference re underlying resentment in my very first post would seem to sum it up.

Original poster
fluffles · 13/04/2011 23:23

Not everything on mn has to end in 'divorce him' and my op did say about the flowers and that he's not a bastard. I just wanted to know if i was being unreasonable to be upset last night (because despite the apology he doesn't actually get why I was) and it seems not.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:23

There doesn't necessarily have to be a problem for the OP, MN posters are very good at just making one up digging to find something they can help with.

AgentZigzag · 13/04/2011 23:26

You've not got the hang of AIBU have you love?

You are now under an obligation to divorce him, and I'm afraid he is a bastard.

It's no good back tracking now, we've got it all text set in stone.