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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take 9 month old to Birthday party

18 replies

Ilovechickenpie · 13/04/2011 15:57

Would I be unreasonable to not want to take DD who is 9 months to a relatives 40th birthday party on the basis that she gets very upset if she is out of her routine as she normally has a bath, bottle and is in bed by 7.30. We can't get a baby sitter as my parents are away on holiday at the time. DH could go on his own which I think is reasonable but I know DH's family are going to get the arse over it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Booandpops · 13/04/2011 16:06

I would either take her but tell every one you are leaving at 8.30. Dh can stay on. Or not take her at all. It's too late for a baby loud music etc IMO

Pil will have to get over it. My pil were like this and they didn't give a jot about baby. Just wanted to show her off to all there cronies. Very annoying!!

thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 16:08

YABa bit U, yes. Go to the party, leave early if you have to, but your DD will survive one night of being out of routine, especially if she has lots of people cooing over her.

ashamedandconfused · 13/04/2011 16:08

If you WANTED to go, then one night off routine with lots of interesting people and noises etc wont harm her, and she'll sleep when she's had enough

If you DON'T want to go, its a good enough excuse, but expect people to be miffed

HandMini · 13/04/2011 16:09

Not sure why you can't get a sitter, do the bed routine, then leave to go the party at 8.30pm for example? Do you only let your parents do babysitting?

ashamedandconfused · 13/04/2011 16:12

But why SHOULD the OP get a sitter, if she doesn't usually get sitters? If she did people would be slagging her off for abandoning the baby to go out on the town! some people dont do sitters - our eldest is 11 and we have only ever left her with GPs, and once in emergency with the neigbours for half hour when i went to hospital and Gps were on their way here

Gracie123 · 13/04/2011 16:13

I only let my family babysit my 9MO DD. We haven't lived here long enough for me to trust anyone we've met yet, so I do understand that.

I suspect your PIL will get in an arse over it (mine would) but I find they do anyway, so I might as well let them.

I'd never deliberately upset them, but if it's a choice between not going and they are angry, or going and leaving early and they are angry, I'd not go. Same result from them, but it's best for DD.

Personally I think adult parties are terrible for small children, but then I am probably bias because ASD DS is particularly sensitive to noise and the music would be torture for him. Wouldn't want to inflict it on my baby either.

Insomnia11 · 13/04/2011 16:17

I would go, but go home when she gets fed up...DD2 managed to happily stay up until 10pm at a restaurant for an relative's birthday when she was not much older, but not sure whether DD1 would have been so happy to at the same age.

You might end up staying there only a short while but at least you'll have shown your face.

violethill · 13/04/2011 16:17

I am with the get a babysitter brigade.

Finding someone reliable and trustworthy is an absolutel essential imo - it means you're not relying on the goodwill (or availablity) of grandparents, and you're not having to upset your child's routine by dragging it along to a noisy adult party.

If your child has a bottle and goes down to bed reliably, then quite frankly a babysitter is being paid to sit downstairs and watch telly! Your child is unlikely to even know she's being babysat! On the rare occasions that the child might wake up, you are contactable if there is a problem

Insomnia11 · 13/04/2011 16:18

My husband is 40 in the summer but we are having a daytime to evening party as almost EVERYONE has little kids.

Original poster

Ilovechickenpie · 13/04/2011 16:19

I don't really want her passed around lots of different people, most of them smelling of alcohol and cigarettes yuck!

OP posts:

violethill · 13/04/2011 16:20

Quite agree ILovechickenpie.

An adult party is not suitable for a baby.

Gracie123 · 13/04/2011 16:21

Absolutely agree Chicken. Party is no place for her.

If you really can't get a babysitter, just stay home and send DH.

Sirzy · 13/04/2011 16:21

I agree with Ashamed if you want to go them I would take DD, she may shock you how well she copes and if not you can leave but have shown your face. If you don't want you go you have the perfect get out clause!

sandyballs · 13/04/2011 16:22

I've never understood this rigid routine business, how long will you be like that for? What age will you consider it ok to take her out in the evening occasionally. It seems life has to grind to a halt, I don't get. I took my twins all over the place when they were babies.

PrettyCandles · 13/04/2011 16:23

Go, with the baby, and leave when you feel it's right (that way also your dh doesn't need to worry about drinking, as he won't have the car).

One evening out of routine won't harm her, and I speak as someone who used Gina Ford.

She may even surprise you and be lulled to sleep in her buggy by the noise.

Try it. If it works, lovely - and you've had a night out. If it doesn't, then go home and it will be just one of the learning experiments you're going to spend the rest if your life carrying out.

Insomnia11 · 13/04/2011 16:23

Never had a professional babysitter other than family personally - we are lucky on that score that inlaws are close by and will babysit- unless it was a very special night out indeed I certainly wouldn't want to pay the cost a babysitter on top of the cost of the night out.

When we arrange nights out we arrange it around when gps can babysit.

PrettyCandles · 13/04/2011 16:27

"I don't really want her passed around lots of different people, most of them smelling of alcohol and cigarettes yuck!"

Then don't let them take her. She's your child, you decide. Have her deep in the buggy, all covers on, and tell them she's sleeping. Or taker for a walk/jiggle her until she does. If she's used to falling asleep at 7.30 then she may even be asleep by the time you arrive.

SarahBumBarer · 13/04/2011 16:40

God YANBU. DS1 is the same age and it would just be miserable. He is a very happy, sociable and active baby but by 7.15 he is knackered and would be tired and irritable and fighting it all the way with all the lovely new sights to see. Not fun for him and not fun for me/DH either. I have no problem with the idea of a non-family sitter but not until he is about 18-24mnths or so.

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