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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To not want to go on holiday 3 weeks before I'm due with my first child?

61 replies

Peanut143 · 11/04/2011 11:10

Hello everyone. I haven't done this before (i.e. posted a thread on a forum) so please bear with me on my rambling story. Also, any advice would be greatly appreciated (even if it is to say I'm being a hormonal monster! :))

Okay, here goes...
I really feel like I'm on my own at the moment and that I have to justify being pregnant to hubby. The SIL called last night (which she never usually does) and said to hubby 'The family are going on holiday to the Lake District (I live in London) in August (3 weeks before I'm due) and asked if we wanted to come. Hubby said that we'll go for a few days (even though the SIL said 'I know it's very close to my due date) and he said he'd speak to me. When he put the phone down and asked me what I thought I said 'Honestly, I'm not comfortable going, not that close to the due date'. He said 'Why? They have hospitals in the Lake District' and 'you can't sit in doors waiting for the baby to pop out when you're on maternity leave'. To a certain extent no I shouldn't stay in doors but I just can't believe that again I'm not getting any support from him (this isn't the first time). On Saturday I spent the whole morning lost in traffic following hubby on the way to his special car garage to drop off his car and when I asked to go to Mamas and Papas in the afternoon (like we'd planned to do so the week before) he said 'traffic will be a nightmare' and we didn't go. I just feel so let down at the moment and I'm really not enjoying being pregnant at all. Am I being unreasonable and has anyone else felt like this? :(

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 11/04/2011 11:12

Is this your first child? He does sound rather clueless.

violethill · 11/04/2011 11:13

There isn't a right or wrong here, and certainly some people would be very happy to have a short break away, 3 weeks before due date. It doesn't mean you have to traipse up mountains - you can sit in the garden and relax. I went away for weekends pretty much up until dd1 arrived, and I would have been bored witless sitting at home waiting for something to happen. On the other hand, some people wouldn't want to go away and that's fine too. The problem here is that you don't feel your DH is 'on board' with this pregnancy, which is a bigger issue than whether you go away or not

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/04/2011 11:15

TBH, i can see two sides to this. YABAbitU to not consider going on holiday, and three weeks is an age away from your EDD. There are hospitals in other parts of the country, Sam Cam had hers unexpectedly.
OTOH, he is being a knob too.
IMO, you need to sit down and talk about what would happen if your baby decides to turn up early. You need to get all your notes to carry with you (is that even possible) and have a plan.
You aren't planning on going for the whole time and the chances are you'll be sitting at home later on wondering where the jeff the baby is and why it isn't appearing.

squeakytoy · 11/04/2011 11:16

London to the Lakes in August is a long drive (at least 5 or 6 hours), usually heavy traffic, and probably hot weather. Not the best combination when you are heavily pregnant.

jeckadeck · 11/04/2011 11:16

If you're not comfortable with it, then you're not being unreasonable. Its very much about how you feel. I think your DH is right to the extent that the risks of your going are small and if you relax you could enjoy it, but that's not really the point. If you don't want to go he should support you in that decision. The issue is that he seems to have made the decision without taking your feelings about it into account, rather than your going to the Lake District. Talk to him.

nethunsreject · 11/04/2011 11:17

Only you know if you would be comfortable or not.

Personally, both times there was no way I could've sat in a car for that length of time.

poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:19

It's a looooooong drive, and I wouldn't want to do it pregnant. And what if baba decides to come early? Not a stress I would want. Rather be home, resting and calm before the big day. I am sure the family will understand?

GingerbreadGiraffe · 11/04/2011 11:20

I think it all depends on how far LDistrict is from home? If you live in cornwall for instance the long journey wont be fun when you are that big.

GingerbreadGiraffe · 11/04/2011 11:20

Sorry- just re-read and saw london!

HipHopopotomus · 11/04/2011 11:21

I'm 3 weeks from my DD & I don't want to go anywhere - YANBU.

I will visit some friends in South London next week - just for the day and only because I will be on maternity leave & I need to keep 3 year old DD occupied (as well as wanting to visit with friends of course) - but 10 miles from home/birth centre is far enough thanks. I know I will be invited to stay the night & as attractive as that might be (like staying in a hotel really :)) I will be returning home & sleeping in my own bed.

FabbyChic · 11/04/2011 11:24

Its a long drive to the Lake District, if I were you I'd enjoy just being at home waiting. There is nothing to say you won't give birth whilst you are in the Lake District and it's nicer to be nearer home where you will be all prepared.

If you gave birth before you came back how would it work with regards a car seat and travelling with a newborn all that way?

Tell him he can go if he likes.

ElsieR · 11/04/2011 11:25

I would not go. Maybe you should have a "chat" with DP about priorities...
Ime, guys don't really click there is baby coming until the baby is there! I remember feeling quite misunderstood and lonely at times because of this. And god knows my DH is nice guy. He simply didn't get it!

doireallywant3 · 11/04/2011 11:29

i am 4.5 weeks from DC2 (DD1 is 20 mo) and I wouldn't go this close to DD. no way. too long to drive.
Yes, the baby could come upto 2 weeks late in which case you get a bonus 2 weeks of you-time. I want to have my baby at the hosp i have chosen not some random one. I want to stay near home and relax and do my nesting. YANBU at all. you must do what you are comfortable with. you should be resting as much as poss at the moment and enjoying your precious pre-baby mat leave.
Other issue seems to be lack of empathy/understanding from DH. sounds like this is your first baby and he has no idea what''s about to hit him!!
good luck with it all!

jetgirl · 11/04/2011 11:30

I sympathise. My husband's aunt invited us to uncle's birthday party one week before edd. We live in Southampton, they live in Lincoln! When we said no, her response was the same 'we have hospitals here you know' There was no way I was going all that way, especially when my first labour had not been good.

When pg with DD we did have a short break in a lovely hotel 3 weeks before edd, but it was 10 minutes drive from home.

You need to discuss this with your DH and explain why you are not comfortable with going away. Offer a compromise of a short break nearer to home perhaps. Would he listen to your mw?

IloveJudgeJudy · 11/04/2011 11:30

London to Lake District is a long drive. I did Kent to Manchester for my DH's Xmas do 2 weeks before due date and the drive was horrid. I did take my blue book with me, but told DH to drive me back if I started labour . Luckily I didn't.

I would say don't go cos it's such a long drive and you will be uncomfortable.

WassaAxolotl · 11/04/2011 11:30

It sounds to me that regardless of whether you went into labour, you would spend the time feeling worried. Not much of a break for you, really.

MollysChambers · 11/04/2011 11:34

I wouldn't want to go. I think it's a pretty instinctive thing to want to stay close to home when your that far gone. Very uncomfortable journey too.

YANBU. He should respect your opinion. He's being a twat.

BleachedWhale · 11/04/2011 11:37

I wouldn't have wanted to be a minimum 6 hour drive from my planned hospital 3 weeks before my due date.

He isn't 'feeling' it like you do.

Have you talked to him about your natural 'nesting' feelings that creep up in advance of birth, and how frightenened and vulnerable you might feel being so far from hime and known support? Not in a moany way, in a constructive way, as part of preparing for a baby.

Fill a sports bag with over a stone of stuff and tell him to imagine he has it strapped to his stomach.

Would he read a book or chapter about aniticpating birth and early fatherhood aimed at men ?

everyspring · 11/04/2011 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paschaelina · 11/04/2011 11:41

We did Kent to the Lake District last month with a 6 month old, should have been 6 hours, it took us 9 hours, stopping every 2 to 3 hours to stretch, eat, etc. I would imagine you will be very uncomfortable sitting in a car for more than 2 hours at a time, so it will probably take longer than 6 hours for you.

Once you're there though, you might enjoy the break, as long as they let you relax.

WassaAxolotl · 11/04/2011 12:02

If you went on holiday with them, and you went into labour there, do you have any concerns that the family would be intrusive?

How would you get the baby home? Newborns aren't supposed to be a car seat for more than an hour at a time. Plus, they need pretty frequent feeding.

discobeaver · 11/04/2011 12:16

"You can't sit indoors waiting for baby to pop out while you're on Mat leave..."

Charming! You can do what you bloody well like on mat leave.

I definitely wouldn't want to go, the crowds will be shit, what part of the holiday are you going to enjoy? None of it. He's being ridiculous and very unsupportive.

I would be pissed off.

CaurnieBred · 11/04/2011 12:25

We drove to the Lake District for a wedding when I was only 5 months pregnant and I was totally miserable - my ankles were so swollen from the long drive and I was really tired. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to do it at over 8 months pregnant. YaNBU.

DH is a being a selfish arse. Next time let him get public transport back from the garage.

controlpantsandgladrags · 11/04/2011 12:33

YANB at all U. And I speak as someone who gave birth to both DC at 37 weeks. Your DH is being unreasonable and frankly a bit of a twat.

happygilmore · 11/04/2011 12:35

I'd hate to do that journey at 9 months pregnant, and also if the baby did arrive early, you'd have to do the journey in reverse with a newborn..think that would be almost as bad!

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