...To not want to go on holiday 3 weeks before I'm due with my first child?

[Peanut143]

Hello everyone. I haven't done this before (i.e. posted a thread on a forum) so please bear with me on my rambling story. Also, any advice would be greatly appreciated (even if it is to say I'm being a hormonal monster! :))

Okay, here goes...
I really feel like I'm on my own at the moment and that I have to justify being pregnant to hubby. The SIL called last night (which she never usually does) and said to hubby 'The family are going on holiday to the Lake District (I live in London) in August (3 weeks before I'm due) and asked if we wanted to come. Hubby said that we'll go for a few days (even though the SIL said 'I know it's very close to my due date) and he said he'd speak to me. When he put the phone down and asked me what I thought I said 'Honestly, I'm not comfortable going, not that close to the due date'. He said 'Why? They have hospitals in the Lake District' and 'you can't sit in doors waiting for the baby to pop out when you're on maternity leave'. To a certain extent no I shouldn't stay in doors but I just can't believe that again I'm not getting any support from him (this isn't the first time). On Saturday I spent the whole morning lost in traffic following hubby on the way to his special car garage to drop off his car and when I asked to go to Mamas and Papas in the afternoon (like we'd planned to do so the week before) he said 'traffic will be a nightmare' and we didn't go. I just feel so let down at the moment and I'm really not enjoying being pregnant at all. Am I being unreasonable and has anyone else felt like this? :(

YANBU, but you're husband certainly is.

try not to take it personally, i think alot of men are like this, they have no clue.

you're the one having this baby, if you don't want to go then don't go. i think you need to have a chat about priorities and you need to explain to him exactly why you don't want to go, he should then understand and let it go.

You will be very large and tired at 37 weeks pg and a journey from London to the Lake District and back will take a lot out of you. Don't underestimate that. Anything can happen at that time - your blood pressure can go up quite quickly and long journeys are the things that can make the blood pressure rise!

Personally I would want to be resting as much as possible as during the weeks after your child is born you will not get much rest at all!

However, as others have said, this is personal choice, there is no right of wrong. But that personal choice is Your personal choice, not your dh.

I'm sorry that he isn't being supportive.

My PFB was born very unexpectedly at 37 weeks with 8 hour labour. My DH had a hangover as he'd gone out with mates the night before and got bladdered, thinking 3 weeks to go, no problem. Only just sober enough to drive me to the hospital! No way would I be planning to go to the other end of the country. YADNBU.

You could go, we did at 2 weeks pre due date and gave birth half way there...such fun! Strangely enough we stayed at home for the 3 weeks pre dd for the next 2 babies.

Hire one of these for a week and see if he'd be happy to go on holiday for a week in August with it on. Don't forget to remind him of all the other symptoms you might get with a summer baby - swollen feet and ankles, etc.

Of course there are hospitals up here in the north, but this is your first and you want to be in your local hospital where your family/friends can come and see you conveniently......that's the best bit :)

That's a long old journey which I've done a few times (I live in London) and apart from being a BORING drive (all that M6 dreariness), as your husband will be the only one driving and you'll be needing the loo/a stretch/ a lie down(!) every hour and a half or so, it'll take you an age..

There's not a cat in hell's chance that I would do it 3 weeks before giving birth, even if I knew 100% that the baby wouldn't arrive early (which is indeed another not trifling consideration). Imagine giving birth in a random hospital and then having to do that mammoth drive back with a new born. Doesn't bear thinking about!!

Get him to read this thread, he obviously doesn't understand the physical discomfort of late pregnancy, let alone the emotional/mental preparation you need to do before a baby arrives. Stand your ground!

WOW - I am absolutely overwhelmed with the amount of support and advice.
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! :) :) :)
I've decided that I'm going to see how I feel nearer the time and if it means just saying 'yes' for now then so be it as it doesn't actually mean that I have to go through with it.
I think that if he can see that I'm physically struggling that he'll support my decision nearer the time if I decide not to go.
However, I don't think I would've been able to cope today if it wasn't for you all and I'm just so grateful there are people like you out there.....cue hormones.....
Thanks again my lovelies. x

Depending on where in the Lakes they are staying, I wouldn't even fancy trying to get to Carlise or Keswick or Lancaster or wherever the Lake District maternity hopitsla are, through the August traffic on v narrow roads, when you aren't familiar with the area.

I agree - say 'yes' for now, and see how your feel nearer the time - it's not as though you have to book flights or anything.

You also need to think about if you ended up having the baby and having to have a C-Section or something, and having to stay in hospital for any complications - not ideal if your home isn't just down the road.

I was so big and full of baby at the end of my pregnancy, from about 30 weeks I couldn't bear being in the car for longer than about an hour.

I wouldn't do it at 37 weeks. I had DS1 at 38 weeks, and the entire labour from waters breaking to delivering the placenta was only 3 hours. DP and I only just made it to the hospital in time, and that was in the middle of the night when we knew exactly where we were going. We literally wouldn't have made it if we'd been more than 20 mins away and didn't know exactly where the labour ward was so he could drop me off.

And that's ignoring the discomfort of a 6 hour car drive when 9 months pregnant. You will need to stop every hour to get comfortable again.

The car journey alone will be hellish. I travelled 6 hours away at 35 weeks and the discomfort, heat, swelling, constant toilet stops, coupled with the anxiety of wondering if I would go into labour was a nightmare.

everyone has already said the sensible stuff about how you cannot know how you will feel then, how big and uncomfy you will be, long long drive in hot weather etc

one more thing i would offer - does your DP always have to do what "the family" are doing? If you are expected to tag along with things like this (even when heavily pg) you might want to have a convo about it now because once you start, its harder to stop - will you want it to be just the 3 of YOU in future or are you happy to have your family time taken over by them?

Do what you feel comfortable doing. On one hand it might be your last chance of a holiday without baby... On the other a long journey, risk of having baby far from home, then having to drive home with baby. How would he feel delivering the baby himself because you were too far from any hospital? Your DH is going to have to learn, as mine did, that kids come first, over what you want to do.

Personal choice, I would have wanted to go, good to have a break before he baby comes (although wouldn't go abroad) and sitting around waiting is no fun.

But others wouldn't want the journey or to risk (small chance) of baby being born in unknown hospital. So YANBU.

So much can change between now and August. This can dramatically change how you feel. I think your wait and see policy is the best one. I would have agreed to go at the stage you are, but actually I had a bleed at 35 weeks and then they found that the my little flower was breech. So at that point I wouldn't gone any where away from my own hospital.

You don't know if your baby will be born on time if it is your 1st. By 37/38 weeks I had had both of my babies - some people just never seem to go full-term. I think you'd be taking an unnecessary risk. The traffic on those motorways up to Lake District can be horrendous - what happens if you go into labour stuck on M6? Ok lots of great hospitals en route but still.....

You are def NBU.

hubby and baba ?? lads, this isn't netmums, get a grip of yourselves!

OP, if you want to go, go. If you don't, he should be supporting that. No brainer.

It might be nice to get away, but I know I wouldn't have fancied a 5-7+ hour car journey in the third trimester. We did go away when I was 37 weeks with DD1 - it was our first wedding anniversary. We had about a three hour drive to Norfolk for a short break and that was enough. I took my hospital bag with me though! Also it depends how your pregnancy is going, how you feel in yourself. I did feel great in the last trimester - on one day I walked (waddled) 4 miles - but still wouldn't have wanted a long car journey.

May I suggest if you do go, that you take the train? You can move around & be a lot more comfy. He can drive separately & pick you up to drive just the last leg of the journey.

Good Luck OP :)
you've pretty much decided as I would of advised (& I'm sure others will have done too :))

its way too early to say how YOU will feel by then,

at your stage in pregnancy I felt like cr@p & didn't want to do anything much at all - by 3/4 wks to go I had decided we were going off on our late honeymoon to Italy & when we got there & realised the resort was NOT what we expected (too DCs friendly for the last fling before Parentdom) - so I insisted we went travelling around Italy - okay I did spend a lot of time with my feet in fountains - but we had an amazing time & it was ME that was doing all the pushing to go & do more - you might just surprise yourself yet

I agree with Winterofourdiscounttents, that was driving me nuts.

Op, your dh is being unreasonable. I know I wouldnt want to go anywhere 3 weeks before my due date.

Another thing to consider is that if you do go into labour early, do you want his family there gawping at you in the early stages? Some people like having people around, some don't. Something to think about.