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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To not want to go on holiday 3 weeks before I'm due with my first child?

61 replies

Peanut143 · 11/04/2011 11:10

Hello everyone. I haven't done this before (i.e. posted a thread on a forum) so please bear with me on my rambling story. Also, any advice would be greatly appreciated (even if it is to say I'm being a hormonal monster! :))

Okay, here goes...
I really feel like I'm on my own at the moment and that I have to justify being pregnant to hubby. The SIL called last night (which she never usually does) and said to hubby 'The family are going on holiday to the Lake District (I live in London) in August (3 weeks before I'm due) and asked if we wanted to come. Hubby said that we'll go for a few days (even though the SIL said 'I know it's very close to my due date) and he said he'd speak to me. When he put the phone down and asked me what I thought I said 'Honestly, I'm not comfortable going, not that close to the due date'. He said 'Why? They have hospitals in the Lake District' and 'you can't sit in doors waiting for the baby to pop out when you're on maternity leave'. To a certain extent no I shouldn't stay in doors but I just can't believe that again I'm not getting any support from him (this isn't the first time). On Saturday I spent the whole morning lost in traffic following hubby on the way to his special car garage to drop off his car and when I asked to go to Mamas and Papas in the afternoon (like we'd planned to do so the week before) he said 'traffic will be a nightmare' and we didn't go. I just feel so let down at the moment and I'm really not enjoying being pregnant at all. Am I being unreasonable and has anyone else felt like this? :(

OP posts:

saggybaps · 11/04/2011 16:09

I gave birth to my first last August, we drove 100 miles (reluctantly) to a wedding. The drive was ok (I have a v comfy car), but whilst there I felt horrendous & at one point thought I was going to pass out in heat.

Are you doing any antenatal classes? My husband was being super-crap until he spoke to the other dads & realised what a twat he was being.
I'd leave it open-ended, not commit & see how you feel nearer the time.

saggybaps · 11/04/2011 16:10

I should have said we drove to wedding 3 weeks before due date.

Filofax · 11/04/2011 16:13

One of my DH's mates asked him why he was not out on a boozy night when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. If I went into labour and needed to get to the hospital, I could just do what people that didn't have cars did and get a taxi/ambulance. Fortunately he had the good sense to decline.

Like previous posters have said men have no clue and it isn't deliberately selfish in a lot of cases. That said you need to stick up for yourself and your baby, this sounds like a good time to practise. His family may have just asked out of politeness, at 37 wks though you are definitely not obliged to do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

DownyEmerald · 11/04/2011 16:16

Good plan - say yes for now. As the time gets nearer and you get larger, I think he might come to see the error of his ways!

I gave birth 12 days early (convinced she was going to be 2 weeks late and I would be induced), my cousin had hers 6 weeks early, another friend 5 weeks early.

Also full-on labour started with a bang. Contractions very strong quickly. None of this hanging around "is that a contraction or isn't it". It was emotionally difficult in my own home with my own dp. Can't imagine doing it somewhere else with other people around. I was very lucky, all kicked off at midnight. I do feel for people who are out and about in the daytime - that could have been me easily as I was so blase. (12 hours before went for a walk by myself on the local common - it was so beautiful and spring was springing).

If you want to be at home, then stay at home.

gramercy · 11/04/2011 16:17

I discovered that dh had arranged to go to a Rolling Stones concert at Wembley on my edd.

Quite how he thought he was going to make a quick exit out of thousands of people gyrating to "Satisfaction" I don't know.

Firawla · 11/04/2011 16:20

yanbu, these kind of things depend a lot on whether you are comfortable with it or not and if not then your dh should be the 1st person to understand and support that!
37 weeks is very late to be going on holiday. i don't think i would go @ 37 weeks. i am actually going to lake district from london this summer too, but at about 34 weeks and i have to go because of a family wedding, otherwise i don't think i would bother as it's pretty far. and there's quite a difference between 34 and 37 weeks
hopefully your dh will start to show a bit more understanding between now and then anyway, maybe as you start to get bigger and a bit further on he might have a bit more realisation what pregnancy entails and that sometimes you may want to take it easy a little bit, and he may start to get a bit more excited. i would try to talk to him about it a bit as its not nice that these things are making you less able to enjoy your pregnancy, especially as its your first and first pregnancy should be very special and exciting for both of you

Lambzig · 11/04/2011 16:39

YA definitely NBU. I think its all about how you feel and the problem is that you wont know how you are going to feel in August and are obviously being asked to make a decision now, so I would say no. The drive at least would be horrendously uncomfortable in my opinion.

Personally, i wouldnt have been happy being away from my hospital and the place I planned to have my baby just in case.

My DH was a bit unsupportive in the first six months of pregnancy. Tutting with annoyance at my morning sickness and saying everything was inconvenient and absolutely refusing to be interested in the shopping/planning stuff. He seemed to change when I got big and after my DD was born, and has been so great since, so try not to worry too much.

Acinonyx · 11/04/2011 16:56

I wouldn't feel it was worth it. I did a similar trip for a wedding at 32 weeks and it was OK but very uncomfortable.

When I did have dd ( a few days early), I was in hospital for 9 days. Of course that is unlikely to happen to you - but if I were going to be in hospital for a few days I'd want to be near home (and your dh certainly would want to be able to get home I'm sure). I also wouldn't want to be driving a long way with a newborn straight from the hospital.

blackeyedsusan · 11/04/2011 18:20

NO, NO, NO say no now, otherwise he will pressurise you into it. ask your midwife what she thinks and quote her. i am sure she will give you lots of reasons why you shouldn't. Don't let this set a precedentof trailing all over the country wwith a new born, and when (if) you are expecting dc 2. he has to show you some respect and support.

Fernie3 · 11/04/2011 18:27

I wouldn't I moved house at 37 weeks pregnant last time which involved a 5 hour van ride. Never again it was too much I actually felt Ill by the the we got there. You need to rest and relax ready for your baby, especially if it is your first IMO.
Also 2 of my 4 babies were born before 37 weeks :)

DancingThroughLife · 11/04/2011 19:00

I'm going to buck the trend here, as I went on a long weekend for a wedding from the Midlands to Aberdeen when I was 36 weeks. We stopped at Glasgow and Kirkcaldy on errands, and the whole drive took 12 hours. It wasn't that bad, in fact I was more uncomfortable sat at my desk all day.

But that is my experience. See how you feel nearer the time.

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