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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more than a one day's help if im having a miscarriage?

64 replies

fran28 · 11/04/2011 10:09

Think i am having a miscarriage and asked boyfriend to help with 8 month old daughter...i have had 3 miscarriages before and they were absolute agony and he wasnt there for any of them...was a selfish prick when i was pregnant with daughter too

He said if he helped last night..he wouldnt be able to help today...now he doesnt work...doesnt help with daughter day to day...sleeps all day nost days...plays the playstation and drinks most nights so there is no reason why he couldnt help all week..

When i got pregnant this time...he said the usual crap...how this time it would be different...oh and we dont live with each other...thank god

OP posts:
moogster1a · 11/04/2011 10:13

Why on earth do you keep getting pregnant by a tosser?
very harsh, but I think you knew what you were getting into to

hairylights · 11/04/2011 10:13

So sorry for your loss. Yes you need more than one days help. Have you explained how emotionally difficult it is? He needs to step up and take some responsibility.

Arion · 11/04/2011 10:13

Sympathy for what you are going through but why on earth are you with him / pregnant again if he acts like that?

BooBooGlass · 11/04/2011 10:14

What the hell are you doing with this loser anyway? You don't live together, he doesn't have a job and he treats you like dirt. Leave. Let this be all the push you need to give him his marching orders

hairylights · 11/04/2011 10:14

Harsh moogster. op is miscarrying right now. She doesn't need you to tell her he's a nob end at this point.

atswimtwolengths · 11/04/2011 10:15

I'm sorry about the miscarriage. But why, WHY have you been getting pregnant with this man? He's awful! Did you REALLY think he'd be a good dad and partner?

trixie123 · 11/04/2011 10:15

I think you know the answer to this one. YANBU. My sincere sympathies for what you are going through but really why on earth are you trying to have more children with this man?

FabbyChic · 11/04/2011 10:15

Why are you even considering having children with this oaf?

Im sorry you are miscarrying, maybe it is a sign that you shouldn't be getting pregnant again with a pig?

Why not use some contraception and NOT get pregnant.

TandB · 11/04/2011 10:16

Concentrate on getting through this and getting well.

And then you need to sit down and have a serious think about what this man brings to your life.

All the best.

BooBooGlass · 11/04/2011 10:17

You've said on another thread that your miscarriages were with your ex, is that what you meant when you said he wasn't there for any of them? Maybe he just has no comprehension what a miscarriage actually entails. He is a knob though. Have you had counsellign to work out why you keep getting pregnant with unsuitable men?

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 10:18

He is a knob (but you know that already) and should help you.

Sorry that you are going through this alone. Do you have family around who could help you?

Do you intend to carry on with the relationship? Not the best time to discuss this perhaps, but you know that you could do much better than him.

How far along are you?

hairylights · 11/04/2011 10:18

Shock fabby what a bloody awful thing to say to a woman who is miscarrying. When we suffer recurrent miscarriage, we don't need other people finding reasons or attributing "signs" - we blame ourselves enough without that.

Op I would forget this thread and repost in the miscarriage topic . You'll get some constructive sympathy there.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 11/04/2011 10:19

Sorry you're going through this alone. Buuuut, it sounds like you have and never will get any support from this waste of space. Why on earth are you still with him.
Get over this m/c, then wise up and get out of this joke of a relationship, no one diserves to be treated like that and by the sounds of things he will never change.

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 10:19

Fabby
That was cruel.

As someone who has had several miscarriages, the last thing I needed was to be told that it was anything that I had done to cause them - including the partner choice.

foreverondiet · 11/04/2011 10:19

I agree with the other posters, make this be the push to realise that he is a total selfish waste of space who will not help you in your hour of need. Why would you want to have another child with him?

If you do choose to have another child with him then you know he's a selfish oaf so why do you expect more?

Original poster
fran28 · 11/04/2011 10:20

This Pregnancy was an Accident...and he kept saying he was sorry..ect..was gonna make up for the way he was..and he had everyone fooled...including my family...so i was being told by all my family that i was too hard on him..he was lovely..so i have kept trying to make it work..but lately they have realised how selfish he is...it just got out of control with each miscarriage..and i honestly thought he would change...stupid i know..but if i hadnt of stayed with him after each miscarriage..i wouldnt have my daughter..and she is my world now

OP posts:
Supermoo · 11/04/2011 10:21

Fabbychic, that is an utterly vile thing to have said. Really.

OP, sorry you are going through this. You say you think you are miscarrying, have you been to the hospital? If not, go.

Do you have friends or family to help you out? Of course YANBU to expect your partner to be the one helping you, but you are not getting the support you need. When this current crisis is over, that's when you need to think really hard about what purpose he server in yours and your dd's lives.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 11/04/2011 10:21

Agree Fabby what can you hope to achieve by such cruelty?

expatinscotland · 11/04/2011 10:21

Please stop getting pregnant to this unemployed loser. He'll never be there for you because he's a low life.

BooBooGlass · 11/04/2011 10:22

But fran, you said your miscarriages were with an ex? fwiw, yourfamily need to butt out, they are colluding with him and keeping you in a bad relationship. And please, please sort out contraception

GandTiceandaslice · 11/04/2011 10:27

And you're with him because....?

Sorry for what you are going through.

I take it you've seen a doctor?

Original poster
fran28 · 11/04/2011 10:27

He was my ex but after i posted on here the last time...i showed it to him and he did cop on for a while...and i gave him the benefit of the doubt so i could never be accused of not making it work for my daughter

I know i should know better...i know this...i just needed to see if i was being unfair expecting more than a day's help from him if im miscarrying

He is very Good at making People think he is the nicest fella

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 11/04/2011 10:28

YABU because you know what he's like. He's never there for you. He's a low life.

Stop wasting your time with this waster.

FabbyChic · 11/04/2011 10:28

I've had a miscarriage myself so know what it is like.

The lady posted in AIBU. Asking for opinions not seasoned debate.

I gave my opinion, I never sugar coated mine others did.

whitevanwoman · 11/04/2011 10:31

stop getting preggers with an idiot

once is a mistake, more than that is stupidity :(

sorry for your MC

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