To expect more than a one day's help if im having a miscarriage?

[fran28]

Think i am having a miscarriage and asked boyfriend to help with 8 month old daughter...i have had 3 miscarriages before and they were absolute agony and he wasnt there for any of them...was a selfish prick when i was pregnant with daughter too

He said if he helped last night..he wouldnt be able to help today...now he doesnt work...doesnt help with daughter day to day...sleeps all day nost days...plays the playstation and drinks most nights so there is no reason why he couldnt help all week..

When i got pregnant this time...he said the usual crap...how this time it would be different...oh and we dont live with each other...thank god

Fran, you're in no fit state to be planning anything at the moment. You're going around in circles. Get your health sorted. Keep him at arms length. Loneliness is no excuse to letting an idiot man take advantage and use you. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but using you is what he is doing. Show your daughter as she grows up, that you're stronger than that. You don't want her to be constantly hurt and let down do you?

I'm sorry for your losses. There is no guarantee you are actually miscarrying just now though so your priority is getting to the GP for advice. Contact someone who you can rely on to help you practically and emotionally.

my head was just so much in to having a baby...nothing really got sorted out between me and him and i put up with the crap cos i wanted a baby so much and thought he would change when we had a baby

Then look at what you have written above and have a good hard think about why you are with this person that you don't trust to look after the child he already has, and why you keep getting pregnant by him. Are you so desperate for children that you don't care if they have a decent father or not? Or are you so down on yourself that you don't believe you could find anyone better? Please sort it out love, it's no kind of life to tie yourself even further to such a knob. You can have more children in the future with a decent guy - and you know what? Even if that doesn't happen, your DD that you already have deserves better than this drama in her life. Better you be a happy fulfilled woman with one child, than a miserable, put upon woman with more than one.

Oh OP what a horrible thing to have to be worrying about when you have so much to cope with

Is there anyone else who has a heart can help you nearby?

Sorry for your loss OP.

Please do not stay with this loser! I cannot understand why someone would chose to be with a man who cannot be bothered to work or share household responsibilities and the care of his DC.

Hope you recover soon.

Im sorry you are miscarrying, maybe it is a sign that you shouldn't be getting pregnant again with a pig?

Why not use some contraception and NOT get pregnant.

that last line sounded like a Jeremy Kyle quote, you may have had good intentions but it sounds awful

and describing a misscarriage as a 'sign' is wrong

Oh Fran you poor thing. Hopefully you're not miscarrying. Go and see your GP asap. Is there anyone else that can help with your daughter?

Re your relationship with his man, I think you know yourself that it shouldn't carry on if you're not happy and he's as useless as you describe. You and your daughter deserve better, you don't want her growing up thinking that's the best a man can be.

Good luck

agree with EricNM

OP - in short, you and your DD deserve better than he is prepared to give. If he cannot support you at the time when you might be losing a baby, he has shown his true colours.

Having another child with him will add further stresses and strains to your relationship - he is already unwilling to give his time/effort to his family, do you honestly think he will suddenly get better when you ahve another child? Guys like this tend NOT to grow up when they get the chance - basically he sounds immature and totally self centred.

None deserves a jerk like him

Please get some medical advice re: the bleeding, and rest if you can. Hope it all works out for you.

fabby it was still cruel and heartless and actually completely pointless . Were you trying to make her feel worse? Especially as you presumably know how low and self-destructive one can feel while having and after having a miscarriage.

Fran, I'm sorry that you are in this position, and that he is refusing to help you at a time when you really need help. From your later posts your boyfriend sounds intimidating- are you at risk of violence from him?

Please see your GP. Your GP should be referring you to EPU to try to establish what's happening, I know from experience that while bleeding in early pregnancy is often a sign of miscarriage, it's not always the case. If your GP won't refer you, go to A and E at a quiet time of day and they should refer you on . You might find that your recurrent miscarriages warrant further medical investigation at some point, and they'll need an accurate record.

At the moment , please just concentrate on yourself and your DD- don't ask for help from your boyfriend if you know it won't happen. And when you are starting to recover from this horrible time, you can begin to weigh up your options. A demanding, inept, selfish man is not your only chance of having a family.

Fran, I'm so sorry you are in this position, I feel for you. I've had 3 MC too, to an equally rubbish and hands off bloke. the last one, I started to spot and the Dr told me to take 14days bed rest. TWENTY Minutes into my rest, and after him having bought a course of hormone injections to inject me twice a day, he was moaning so loudly at being asked to look after our 3yo and sounding as if he was about to kick off so I had to get up.

Had a D&C the very next day.

This your PG, was an accidental PG. This bloke sounds awful in every respect, almost exactly like my X, all that is missing from your story is for you to say he hits you sometimes.

Whatever you have to do, you have to get away from him. PG or no PG. Try to find a way to think that if this PG was not to make it to term, in a way it might not be the worst thing in the world for you; it'd give you more options, enable you to get out easier and be less dependent on someone who really is the PITS.

If the PG carries on and you get through this, please leave as soon as you are physically stable to do so. URGENT! Don't ever let him hold you or your DD to ransom, not like this. You have ALL the choices.

i was thousands of miles away from my home, from my friends and family with an abusive and controlling male, who would hit me when he felt the need to ram a point home. I had no support, no sympathy, nothing.

I came back to the UK and after a year of putting up with him here, he has gone and I will never, ever again share a roof with him.

Please do something to help yourself, please get away from this bloke, please take care of yourself and your DD and please speak to WA.

Please read Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft, it will show you who this bloke really is, and it will help you find the strength and the courage to do what you need to do.

NONE of this is your fault. Even this dickhead is not your fault, HE CHOSE to control you. He conned and hoodwinked you into thinking he was a nice guy. He is nothing like a nice guy.

Thank u all....am standing my ground and told him...thats it done and as usual he going about how he wants to be there for me...etc...what good will it do...us not talking to each other.....but im just not interested in his crap..cos i know for all of a day he will act decent...

he has never been violent but he is a drinker and does change when he is drunk..

and sorry....herhissyness..for what u have been through....and thanks...what u all have said has made me realise...i just cant and dont want him in my life...

I cant choose for my daughter but i know he wont be there for her too..the few times she has been sick..all i got was a text saying..i hope she is ok..

He's not been violent so far. Good. But if alcohol changes him then he has a problem with it. He's already rationing his support for the mother of his DC, who is potentially having a life threatening medical crisis (my second MC was a haemorrage, it was night time, it was a close run thing v. scary) On that instance 'H' was good. he did take me to the hospital. He refused to get people in to help clean up the blood everywhere though, I ended up doing it hte day I got out.

You can't be with someone like this, you can't rely on him, you can't trust him. You want better than this for your DD don't you. Think about it, how can life without him be any worse than it is with him?

You HAVE to choose for yourself AND your daughter. For HER sake do all you can to make life better for you both. The only space this bloke is taking up in your life is the space where a GOOD bloke could be.

so sorry you're going through such a shit time fran.
your "d"p may not be violent but he sounds abusive and manipulating which can be just as damaging.
try and stay strong for yourself and your daughter, and contact womens aid, they'll have loads of advice that I'm sure will reassure you.
take care and look after yourself, and keep posting.