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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

private v state primary - what to say?

81 replies

weejie · 10/04/2011 21:54

we have got the results of our primary applications in Herne Hill - we got none of all the schools we asked for.

we were offered a school our next door neighbour, who is a TA and worked there said 'I wouldn't send a dog there' (her quotes, not mine, but as she was looking to take time off through stress before moving schools I'll believe her)

so, we've gone private.

what's your arguments for the people who were lucky to get into a state school and are taking the smug moral high ground?

a - I'm doing the best for my child, why aren't you? (with a knowing chuckle to myself as this will drive them mental)

b - I'm being moral by giving my place in the local good school (which we would try to get in to on appeal but at least three others families are trying the same)

c - I should have gone to my local school on the non denominational places but I thought it less immoral to pay than to lie

d - fuck you

thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
weejie · 10/04/2011 22:24

ooh, I have a boater I can use as ammunition. not literally of course

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 22:25

I don't understand why you have to explain anything. Just tell them what you are doing-if pressed say blandly you thought it the best option and change the subject.

greenplastictrees · 10/04/2011 22:27

Glad my response helped. I think that's the first time I've actually said anything helpful to someone on mumsnet! Grin

Blu · 10/04/2011 22:32

Weejie - really sorry you didn't get your choices. It is well worth going on the waiting list as places come up even within the first week of term - if your state choices would be your preference if possible.

seeker · 10/04/2011 22:33

If you feel you have to waste a single second of your time on an internet forum justifying your choice to strangers then you're going to find dealing with it in real life much harder tha you think!

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/04/2011 23:55

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Message withdrawn

catnao · 10/04/2011 23:58

I find it weird that ANYONE would care how you choose to educate YOUR children.

mamatomany · 10/04/2011 23:59

You'd be amazed how many people "care" how you spend your hard earned money when it's going on education.

Practice apologising or not giving a monkeys OP.

catnao · 11/04/2011 00:00

And I am anti private, despite my own (secondary school) private education, but could not give a flying f* what anyone else chooses to do.

mamatomany · 11/04/2011 00:01

Ps the boaters are so cute but heavy and for god sake don't let the Dc's throw them around I swear you could decapitate somebody with one.

catnao · 11/04/2011 00:02

Well, I chose not to send my son to an independent school, despite the massive fee reduction (family rates) but I couldn't care less what anyone else does.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/04/2011 00:04

Definetly a. I don't think it will drive them mental but it will make you the most unliked person in the neighbourhood. So people will stop talking to you and your problem is solved!

catnao · 11/04/2011 00:09

a: is quite an unlikeable option. I think I am doing the best for my child too, you know. Different from you, but still what I think is best...

MollieO · 11/04/2011 08:53

I would be surprised if your friends had any issues about you choosing private. Most of my friends with children chose state schools. None of them has ever criticised my choice of private for Ds.

SillyHat · 11/04/2011 09:04

eh? You are doing the best by YOUR child with the resources you have available to YOU. No one else business. That goes both ways.

My son goes to the local 'outstanding' state primary and will probably go to the local 'outstanding' state comprehensive after that. We have the financial resources to pay for school fees but the local private school is barely good. There are better private schools 30+ mins away but that is a major factor for us. We don't have the resource of an 'outstanding' private school to choice. If my son was struggling at all (for any reason - dyslexia, very high ability, socially etc) with school and I felt that the smaller class sizes/specialist help of the local 'barely good' private school was better for him then he would be there.

SillyHat · 11/04/2011 09:05

choice = choose Blush

GiddyPickle · 11/04/2011 09:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastedwina · 11/04/2011 09:18

plenty of people care - you only have to read old treads on private education where people become all holier than thou that they went state even though they got their first choice outstanding/good state school, spent loads of dosh to buy into a good catchment are, slept with the head teacher etc.

I was lucky to get schools i was happy with for my kids even though they weren't first choice and had to run round different schools miles apart. If i was really unhappy with the school and could afford to go private we would have.

leothelioness · 11/04/2011 09:20

I was shocked/surprised how many people do care where my children go to school . My ds2 is currently in a state school as he was offered a place in our local primary but my older one was not. He was offered a place which was miles away and did not have a good reputation, infact one of the worst in the borough so we decided to send him to a private school.
This has caused all manner of Hmm from random people and it is annoying to say the least especially when they seem so quick to judge without even knowing the reason behind our choice.

violethill · 11/04/2011 09:23

I imagine people who know you will be aware
That you tried for good state schools but weren't lucky enough to get in, will simply feel sorry for you. Say whatever you choose- people are generally more interested in their own children!

ChristinedePizan · 11/04/2011 09:26

I hope the private school your child is going to is a nice one - there's one near you which has a really awful head.

ChristinedePizan · 11/04/2011 09:28

And ps, my nephew got into a really great state primary and people accosted my sister on the street, asking her how the hell she'd done it :o

Original poster
weejie · 11/04/2011 09:30

ChristinedePizan - do tell???!!!

you can do some kind of crossword clue thing to avoid getting sued for libel...

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 11/04/2011 09:36

I'm getting a few Hmm from people because we plan to send our kids to a state primary, so I share your angst though in reverse!
I think just telling the truth should pretty much cover you though.

Jajas · 11/04/2011 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.