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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh to "give it a rest" ?

54 replies

cherrychoo · 10/04/2011 19:57

I babysit once a week for a pal.

She & her dh have no family nearby, so not opportunity for a break.

I have family 10 minutes from me and none of them are even the least bit interested in my child, so i know what its like having zero support or help. We have never even been out to celebrate our wedding anniversary and we have been married for 11 years.

Dh keeps saying " i ope that she plans on reciprocating"

My child does not know her, she does not drive and i wouldnt dream of asking her to babysit for us.
I do it because i adore her baby, and i love her as a friend, she had pnd and just needs 1 few hours break...which i am in a position to offer.

so dh....wind your neck in, or AIBU?

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 10/04/2011 20:01

can see his point a bit, but going on about it doesn't help.

millie30 · 10/04/2011 20:01

Maybe your DH is hinting that he'd like a night out?

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 20:03

he does have a point!!

Schnitzel · 10/04/2011 20:04

I think what you're doing is lovely and you're being a very good friend.

Once a week is generous. I would say once every two weeks would be just as nice for your friend.

Do you not have any other friends with children that you could do "swapsies" with?

squeakytoy · 10/04/2011 20:05

If she is your friend, it seems odd that she doesnt know your child?

Hassled · 10/04/2011 20:05

From his POV, she gets a night out once a week and he doesn't. I can see why it bugs him. Sort a babysitter and go out, and he'll drop the comments re your friend.

Original poster
cherrychoo · 10/04/2011 20:06

she is a work friend.
has met my child once.

OP posts:
Bearcat · 10/04/2011 20:11

Don't know how old your child is, but when ours were younger (they are now 19 and 23)we were let down by babysitters a couple of times and the next time there was an 'occasion' to celebrate we took the DS's with us (fed them for the cost of a babysitter).
It just became a family tradition that we always took them with us and we always had a nice time and they got used to eating out and enjoying it. We discovered a nice family pub a few miles away so it was never fine dining and now would probably be somewhere like Ask, Prezzo or a chinese. They'd still tag along if offered by the bank of mum and dad.
The years have flown past as you can see from their ages, but I'm glad we did it for the nice memories for us and them.

whyme2 · 10/04/2011 20:12

Well I can see why your dh wants a turn really. Babysitting every week for free for someone is very generous and I suspect your dh just wants to spend some childfree time with you too!

I'm sure your friend really appreciates your kindness I know I would if you fancy a night at my house with my dc's . . . Grin

activate · 10/04/2011 20:15

totally see his point

kaid100 · 10/04/2011 23:08

I can see it his way.

laInfanta · 10/04/2011 23:11

I can see his point. He would probably like to spend time alone with you, but instead you spend an evening every week babysitting for someone else's child. Every week is a lot.

ENormaSnob · 10/04/2011 23:13

I'm with your dh on this tbh.

Once a week babysitting is a lot.

Doha · 10/04/2011 23:14

Totally see your DH's point
Once a week for a few hours is very generous and you are being a good friend. However if l was your friend l would be wanting to reciprocate in some way.
So yes YABVU

GreenEyesandHam · 10/04/2011 23:18

I'm with you OP.

This is your 'me time'. It could be going to a spa, or going to the gym, or anything really.

You do it because YOU want to, and it makes you feel better, and you enjoy it.

You do it for all of the above reasons, and don't expect anything in return, and therefore, neither should your DH

bronze · 10/04/2011 23:30

Is that why people do nice things? So that they will get something in return?
OP I applaud your selflessness. what a bloody lovely friend you are

herbietea · 10/04/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bottleofbeer · 10/04/2011 23:42

Honestly? she's taking the piss. Why doesn't she get to know your child so she can return the favour? I'd feel a right twunt accepting weekly babysitting and making no attempt to reciprocate.

FudgeGirl · 10/04/2011 23:51

If she can get somewhere to go out (without driving) then she could reasonably get to yours, surely, to babysit? Or you could collect her and she could get a taxi home?

It's all very lovely being so selfless and babysitting once a week for her, but it all sounds pretty one-sided, particularly for a work chum who hasn't even made the effort to meet your child. Especially as she manages to go out once a week while you look after her little one.

She should reciprocate your kindness, I agree with your DP (who is losing you to babysitting once a week and is probably a bit pissed off.)

Needanewname · 10/04/2011 23:54

Another one who is with yuor DP here. I think thats it lovely that you help your friend out, but if it were me I'd be embarrassed.

mumeeee · 11/04/2011 00:01

YABU. You are doing a nice thing for your friend but it is also important to go out with your DH,

Cloudbase · 11/04/2011 00:07

YANBU, but, I can see your DH's pov. Also, I wonder why, if it's a case of her needing a break, her DH can't look after their baby so you could both go out together? Or you could babysit every other week so you could spend the time with your DH every now and again? Just my thoughts really.

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 11/04/2011 00:13

If your DP wants you to go out as a couple why doesn't he arrange a babysitter? Even if you babysit once a week that still leaves 6 other nights.

scottishmummy · 11/04/2011 00:15

why do you need dh approval or nod.do what you want
and do this with good grace (as you are) because you want to,isnt all about what's in it for me.

but why if you have family close havens you been out yourselves?

Mumcentreplus · 11/04/2011 00:30

I think it's important to discuss situations like this with your partner...seems reasonable to me, you are a family and what you do effects everyone in your family including the time you spend with others etc..you need to talk to him and find out exactly why this bothers him so much..conjecture is a waste of time...