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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel unusual as a Mum in her mid 20s?

88 replies

Youngymummy · 08/04/2011 21:12

I am in my mid 20s, with one toddler DD. I am educated, married, own a house etc. All the Mums I know are either much older (35ish) or much younger (18ish) than me.

Am I really so rare - or are there lots of Mums in their 20s out there somewhere? AIBU to feel so unusual?

OP posts:

noodle69 · 08/04/2011 22:06

Here you are normal if you have a child at 30 you would be seen as an older mum.

Dilligaf81 · 08/04/2011 22:07

Im the same had
DD1 - 23
DS1 - 25
DD2 - 26
DD3 - 29

We were the first amongst our friends to have a DC and they have 1 year old's now (but are all at least 5 years older than me)

Id always planned to be 'finished' before I was 30 luckily I met DH when I was 17 and so we planned DD1. My midwife assumed she wasnt planned and harped on about taking folic acid when I said I had been she was .

When we moved to a nicer area when I was expecting DC3 I kept getting asked if I was the nanny ??

I do get a few looks from people when they realise they are all mine (DH says its a compliment as I look young )

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/04/2011 22:09

Yanbu. I had my dd 10 years ago and in my NCT group the youngest was 29, the average was 34, the oldest was 38.

I really cannot think of anyone in my social circle who had a child in their mid twenties.

2gorgeousboys · 08/04/2011 22:11

I was just 22 when DS1 was born and was nearly 27 when DS2 was born. I have found that when I was 30 most couples we are friends with that have children in DS1's class were celebrating their 40th. Now I am a similar age to the Mums of children in his DS2's class but they are on DC1.

When it comes to DSS I am most definately younger than parents of his friends by about 20 years!

IHeartKingThistle · 08/04/2011 22:13

This is really interesting. I've had a similar experience too - had DD at 27 (married etc) while living in a very middle-class area. Was the youngest in my baby group by several years.

I'm originally from the West Country though, and back home I was considered ancient to just be getting started!

MrsMcgee · 08/04/2011 22:15

Oh no yanbu!! I am 21 and don't know ANYONE in their 20's! Everyone here is about 20 years older than me!

noodle69 · 08/04/2011 22:17

I was 23 as a first time mum and I think I was quite old! I never got any comments from midwives or anything. Its normal to be planning your babies from as young as 17/18 here, so 23 I would definitely not think I was a young mum as most people I know have a couple of children by then.

I have only ever known of 3 mums who became first time mums in their late 30s/ 40s and am really surprised how common it seems to be on here.

dexter73 · 08/04/2011 22:17

I was 24 when i had my dd and most of the other mothers were either older (30's) or younger (teens) so yanbu. Dd is now 14 and lots of her friends have parents in their 50's whereas I am still in my 30's.

IShallWearMidnight · 08/04/2011 22:18

I'm the youngest by a fair bit of dd1 (17)s friends mums, youngish amongst dd2 (13)s friends mums, but definitely in the older category amongst dd3 (9)s friends mums

Amusingly my best friend from school who is a month older than me will have her eldest starting school a whole year after my eldest goes to university. We can't decide whether to be freaked out by that or not

MotherMucca · 08/04/2011 22:22

I was mid-twenties.

FINALLY all my mates are having babies. They are called

Enjoy your youth and tight skin, OP you'll be as old as me before you know it!

MotherMucca · 08/04/2011 22:24

cackles

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 08/04/2011 22:29

I was 25 when I had DS, now 27 and pregnant with DC2 and my peers are finally starting to (very slowly) have children too. But the majority are still single and all my mum friends are 5-10 years older than me.

I do sometimes regret having him relatively young because it feels like I will seem so much older to my peers when they start having theirs in their 30's

CatPower · 08/04/2011 22:33

I had DS at 22, been with DP seven years, own house, car, educated etc. I do feel a bit awkward at the nursery gates occassionally but it's nothing major. Meantime I'm enjoying being a young-ish mum.

Likethisandthat · 08/04/2011 22:38

YANBU I had my eldest when I was 26. I am uni educated, married & with good career.

The rest of my NCT group were 30, 36, 36 and 38. I had my third when I was younger than any of the other members of the group were when they had their first. At this rate we will have number 4 when I will still be younger than all bar one of them was having their first. The first of my uni friends are having theirs now. I must say I feel like I don't have a parenting peer group as such. Those having children in their mid-late thirties were in a v different place than us in our mid twenties. Now my peers are beginning to have newborns, and my second starts school next year.

V glad we did it when we did, though .

maighdlin · 08/04/2011 22:38

I had DD when i was 22 (and 2 days ) i felt the same way caught in the middle of two age brackets. I always did want to have children early, and sometimes when i see women having babies at 35+ i think to my self at my 40th birthday i will be getting pissed with my 18 year old DD, not caring for a preschooler, but i suppose everyone is different. I want to have another baby, and another a few years later. i kinda want to finish having babies at about 30, and then work on my career.

Bunbaker · 08/04/2011 22:40

I was 41 when I had DD. This was due to fertility problems. Most of my mum friends are 5 - 10 years younger than me, so they all had their children from the age of 30. There aren't many mums at our school that look like they are in their 20s.

Firawla · 08/04/2011 22:41

It's not particularly unusual, yes there are a lot of older and younger mums too but I don't think anyone would be shocked or consider it weird or anything and does not necessarily have to be a problem for "fitting in" with other mums?
I am mid 20s (24) and having my 3rd but I had all of them in my 20s not teens, and have alot of friends the same age with babies and toddlers, although most are Muslim so i think its more normal for us in this age group to be married and have kids, as compared to some other cultures in Uk but I do know some non muslim people same age with children, just not as many.
I don't think anyone should feel awkward about it! why on earth should we? I would not let anyone make me feel like that, I see it as a positive thing (although I see children at any age as a positive thing so not saying other ages are wrong)

lostlady · 08/04/2011 22:55

Well,you may feel/be unusual, but I am 42 and feel ancient. Enjoy it, I am far too old

Roseflower · 08/04/2011 23:27

I had my dc at 22. I found it very isolating as most mums in my area are much nearer 40 it was too much of an age gap to bond at post-natal classes, playgroups etc. At the sametime I found my old friendships getting more and more frazzeled as I couldnt just keep to the old lifestyle of a typical 22 year old.

Things are much better now though.

Still would not change it for the world though!

anonymosity · 09/04/2011 00:40

apparently the average age for UK women's first child has just gone up from 29 yrs to 30 yrs

except in the most wealthy parts of London where the average age of a first time mum is now 37+

Goodynuff · 09/04/2011 01:10

I had my 1st at 19, (on DH's 20th birthday), married at 20, had DS at 21. I had been out on my own from the age of 15, so I didn't feel that young, but I was seen as a "wild child". We are now in our 30s, and our friends are having their 1st or 2nd children. By the time we are 40, the kids will be out the door, and we will have 25 years before retirement. I know a few others who had their DCs younger than me (15, 16) but most not until they were at least 30.

PenguinArmy · 09/04/2011 02:11

We are a weird age aren't we.

All my friends who didn't go to uni had children in their teens and all the ones that did (especially my now ex fellow PhDers) find it all scary and they'll most likely wait to the their 30's (although some are already there)

catnao · 09/04/2011 02:30

I have a university degree and a PGCE and had baby at 22. Normal. You do feeel sad when you know they are going to big school and mates' kids are pre school...

Goodynuff · 09/04/2011 05:20

I've always done things a bit backwards, went to university once both kids were in school full time

JemimaMop · 09/04/2011 05:50

I remember feeling like this so no, YANBU.

I was 24 when I had my first. This was incredibly early in comparison to my friends, most of whom didn't start until their early to mid thirties (and some will be later than that). I was also the first to buy a house and the first to get married. Most of my friends were off on gap years after graduation and not settling down like I did.

In antenatal classes there was definitely a big gap between the "young" mums who were in their late teens or very early twenties and in general had left school at 16, and the mums who were having their first in their thirties or forties. It felt as though I was the only one in between!

Now mine are all in school (I followed the first with two others, born when I was 26 and 28) it doesn't seem to matter as much. But when I was pregnant and when they were babies and toddlers it did bother me at times.

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