to think people should at least get a basic grounding in genetics before they cast aspersions on my fidelity/ relationship history?

[IntergalacticHussy]

I'm sick of acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers coming up to me and demanding to know why my kids look different to one another.

Yesterday was a prime example; bumped into an acquaintance i've known for a few years who took a look at my dcs and just blurted out 'so why do they have such different colour hair?' in this really quite aggressive way.

A list of possible answers flashed through my mind

1. Because. obviously they're not identical twins; there's years between them!
2. I don't bloody know, ask a geneticist!
3. start mumbling about dh's sperm, my eggs and recessive genes in a pseudo-scientific manner

Just to underline what he meant, he then started mumbling on about his own kids (who look totally different!) and how people must think he only fathered one of them. Bit weird really, maybe this he's projecting his own insecurities onto my kids.

This is just one example of the conversations i end up having with people i barely know, day after day. As it happens they have the same dad, but if they didn't, it wouldn't concern you anyway, I feel like saying. If we were friends, that would be the kind of thing you'd already know about my family and the fact that you have to piss about asking daft questions just underlines the fact that we don't know each other well enough to be talking about such personal things - in the bloody supermarket of all places!

How strange. Just fix them with a beady eye, say "WHAT?" and then walk away.

I can see it's irritating, especially if it happens a lot. Can you not just brush them off with a 'Genetics, eh?' and leave it at that.

I get the same, but in reverse. My three look like clones.

that's a good one. why can't i ever find the balls to be rude back when people are being bloody rude to me? Curse my mother and her obsession with politeness!

just say you cant be sure who the fathers were as there was a whole rugby team inolved. that will shut them up.

how rude.

something similar although not the same happened to me.

there are some mums who never talk to me, always look away. but one day one mum was on her own, she came and asked me if i was married, i said no she said i should be because people would have more respect for me! they she asked if my children had the same fathers and if i knew who they were or if they were still around!

cheeky bitch

I get the same about my twins, normally its 'they don't look alike' well no wonder ones a boy, ones a girl! Or I get the 'oh why's she got blue eyes and his are brown?' like its weird that two eggs took on different parental charcteristics. I have blue eyes DH has brown eyes, end of story. I wonder if MIL thinks they are both DH's at times as dd is nothing like him in any way at all.

My sister was very fair when we were kids and I was very dark so we always had people make rude comments about different fathers

Oh, IDK. People quite often engage their mouth before their brain - they're just making conversation, no?

I'm black, but have managed to produce a blond,
blue-eyed, olive-skinned child. You should hear some of the things people say to me - I got an incredulous "are you his mother?" yesterday, which seeing as he was pulling at my hand and screeching mummy, mummy, to get my attention should have been fairly obvious.

I just let it all wash over me these days. Though I can remember getting quite indignant at first, as I was questioned (sometimes quite stridently) about his father, my genetic background, adoption issues or most frequently, being referred to as "the nanny".

Brush it off - it's not worth the blood pressure rise

Just say with deadpan face that dc1/2/3 (delete as appropriate) fathers the milkman. Then smile and walk away.

knittedbreast - that is truly shocking! what a cow!

I have 2 children who do not have the same colourings but if you look their chins are identical. Dd is her dad and ds has my colourings and often school staff who don't know me think I look after dd and are shocked when the realise she's actually my daughter!!!

my sister and I are literally polar opposites of each other (she is tall,blonde not a nice person,I am short,brunette and clearly lovely) and people have always asked my mum do we have the same dad.
er yes we do,but how is it your business?!
my mum always, always, always just says "yes,do yours?"
usually shuts people up, she has found :D

It baffles me why anyone would think it is their business!

Nd I don't understand why people question others at all! I've seen fair skinned women with darker skinned kids and I just assume their father is black. How is it difficult to understand? Or the other way round of course. The mother is just one half of the parents genes. Can't imagine why peopleare so rude as to question it!

Am [shocked] at the comments people feel it's ok to make. Bloody hell, am amazed you haven't told people to fuck off OP and KnittedBreast.

messymammy's mum has got it down pat - the only response needed is 'yes, do yours?' accompanied by a steely glare! Bloody brilliant!

Actually this has just reminded me of my mum - one of her midwives practically accused her of (I quote) "having an affair with a coloured" because I had those blue birthmark things, much more common in black / asian babies apparently.

messymammy, i'll have to practise a retort like your mum's - i always feel my throat drying up and nerves setting in when people say stuff like this and i can never seem to say much tbh...

people actually ask you why your kids dont look the same??? that is sooooo fucking rude
tell them to piss off and mind their own business

The nanny, coolbeans? God I can't believe people can be so rude!

The thing about twins is hilarious - my friend has g/b twins and she gets a lot of surprised comments about how different looking they are. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people are quite simply thick

i know, puddingface tbh i don't get that mindset at all... it's alien to me; i go out of my way to be mindful of social niceties, mostly

I was going to say you should tell them you are having to take them for genetic testing as they think there was a mix up at the hospital - but actually I thinkmessymammy's mammy has it spot on!

'They don't look the same do they?'

'Oh shit I've taken the wrong child'

Intergalactic, here is the ultimate response:

"they look different because one of their fathers is your husband/ brother/ father" (delete as appropriate). Then shrug and walk off, sashaying as you go for extra va-va-voom.

Who cares what other people think?

Coolbeans, there's a lady like you nearby who I sometimes chat to - she's black and has two gorgeous fair-skinned boys with blond/ light brown hair. I've always suspected that people go when they see her with them, so maybe one day I'll ask.

I did once have a white woman express shock that my two butterscotch-coloured children could have a white father (I'm black and pretty dark-skinned). I think some people are just very limited in their experience.

Grumpla that is so rude. Rude sentiment, rudely expressed.

Arf at titch!

I know a mixed-race family with one child who is pale-skinned with red hair and one child who is dark-skinned with black hair. They must get this the whole sodding time. Mum is dark-skinned mixed race herself, dad is pale sandy-ginger. That's just how it goes, I guess - each time you shake the genetic dice you get a different combo.

Though admittedly all three of mine have not only very obviously rolled off the same production line as each other, they look extremely similar to my sister's dc and my cousin's dc too. There's obviously some kind of über-gene thing going on in my family that knocks out anything else you throw at it.