Piercings

[gladdycat]

My 14 year old DD has become obsessed with piercings and alternative body art. She has her ears pierced (once), but is nagging to be allowed her nose pierced. My DP and I thought she meant her nostril.....but no she means her septum! We have obviously refused to entertain this, but she claims that when she is 16 she will be of age to get piercings without parental consent. Is she right? Now she is talking about getting her clavicle pierced, and also 'snake bites' (her lower lip). I find her desire to mutilate herself like this really upsetting as she is such a pretty girl. I was born with a facial birthmark, and would have done anything NOT to be disfigured. I hope I don't come over all uptight and middle class over this, but I would love some ideas on how to deal with this issue before she tries to do anything silly.

my DS (13) is on stretching his lobes. im not happy with this totally, but id far rather i knew about it, than him do it with mates at school etc. i took him to the tatto/piercers and asked for advice with him. they wont pierce anyone under 16, but as he had his ear pierced already, they sell him the stretchers to do himself. they have warned him not to go too far and i know the novelty will wear off eventually

Butterbur, I have my eyebrow and my lip pierced (as well as a mohawk half the year!), and I can assure you I don't hate myself. In fact, I appear to be a lot more relaxed and less hate-filled in general than some of the people on this thread spouting off about piercings being equivalent to disfigurement. I can manage to look at people who are different to me, even if it's very much in a way I wouldn't choose, and not group them all as 'glue-sniffing losers' or 'chavs' or any other term I might deem to be somehow less than myself. And I'm quite happy being like that. Must be bloody miserable being some of you lot, constantly making negative assumptions about other people.

Also, if I were interested in looking 'hard' I'd probably go down the gym or something. I'm interested in looking interesting. I like the way I look - not because it gets me positive or negative comments from others, because the opinion really is split down the middle with both people I know and strangers. I just like it for myself, but then maybe I can only do that because I'm not so worried as so many other people seem to be about others judging me. If someone is going to decide something ludicrous like I must be a glue sniffer off the back of a lip ring, or that I am 'trying to look hard' because I've dyed my hair blue, I can probably do without having their ignorance in my life.

Butterbur you and onceamai should get together and have yourselves a good old fasioned coffee morning where you can judge anyone who dosen,t resemble what you consider NORMAL and while your at it look up the word chav

Well, Glitter, you are obviously trying for an iconoclastic look with your piercings and Mohawk. You are rejecting society's standards, and you know it, and are doing it consciously. So why are you surprised when people judge?It's what you wanted.

I expect you are judging the Boden-wearing masses as eg bourgeois and boring too.

Also, why don't you try and do something interesting, rather than look interesting in a look-at-me-I'm-so-mad-breaking-the-rules kind of way?

Societys standards my arse,get your own opinion butterbur instead of living your life by someone elses standards,your missing glitters point shes just expressing herself in her way and not judging others including the "boden" wearing masses,ere them pants are getting tighter you may need resusitating at this rate

Oh and also bitter and twisted butterbur what an assumption to make that just because someone is expressing themselves in the way they look means there not doing anything intresting with there lifes,im sure by the sounds of her glitter is doing lots of wonderfull and intresting things

Whilst I am choosing to look that way, Butterbur, you are willfully misunderstanding the reason why I am choosing it. Perhaps if you put in a lipring it would be to try to make yourself look daring. When I do it's because I like the way it accents my lip. It is not unusual to me in the way it is to you; many of my friends and family have piercings and tattoos and dyed or spiked hair. If I specifically wanted to look different in my family, I would go and shop in muted colours from Next or something.

The idea that I want people to judge, too, is ludicrous. I spend half my life asking people to question why they make the assumptions they do. Everybody judges, it's true - stereotypes are how you understand the world. The dangerous part comes when you start believing those split-second judgements are always true and start behaving based on them.

And no, I don't judge the Boden-wearing masses as bourgeois and boring. Partly because I wouldn't recognise Boden if I fell over it as my knowledge of clothes styles and labels and stuff is ridiculously poor...but mostly because I know that just because I consider the clothes boring to me doesn't mean the person inside them is boring. Clothes really do not maketh the man. They clothe the man. I do raise an eyebrow at people who wear those things specifically because they want to blend in, in the same way I raise an eyebrow at those who wear things like me because they want to stand out. Your appearance should be chosen for your own approval, not that of others.

I should also probably note, I said I wear the mohawk half the year. The other half (in the winter when a hawk just isn't worth the effort) my hair is usually dyed black and in a short, dull style (in my opinion)). I also switch between wearing things like a plain hoodie and jeans to bondage trousers and a tie-dye shirt. I am happy in those different things because I wear what I like, not what I think others will like or dislike.

As for doing something interesting, I do plenty of interesting things. I also like to catch sight of myself in a mirror or look down at myself and think, "I like that." Do you honestly consciously choose to dress yourself in a manner you consider dull, or do you - like most people - choose the clothes you think are interesting?

I chose clothes that I think are me, ie, Boden, Per Una, Phase 8 and little bit of LKBennett. I have highlighted hair and used always to wear a velvet Alice band. I have been flamed for my taste on here by those who are as judgy as me but in different ways - that is the beauty of MNet - you can say what you like and nobody knows who you are.

I listened to reams of posters telling me I was extravagant and dressed badly.

On a thread like this I am entitled to cast my own opinion. I feel for the OP and I too would be deeply unhappy if my DC wanted to pierce or tattoo. I think it's unattractive and nasty and don't see why anyone would want to make themselves look so horrid. I also think that as far as work is concerned it is extremely unprofessional and I have yet to meet a High Court Judge with piercings. (Or a professional orchestral musician, of which I know many). I would also raise concerns if my childrens' teachers reported for work with multiple piercings.

I do lots of things I find interesting that many posters on here wouldn't: Glyndebourne, Theatre, Choral music, Racing, etc., at few of those events do you meet those with piercings or tattoos. It's a matter of personal taste and frankly, like some MNetters found my taste for Boden and Per Una pretty yukky I find yours for piercings and tattoos yukky too.

In the meantime of course, if Butterbur is anywhere near SW London let's have a wine some time and we can have a chat about about schools and tennis clubs and opera and all things we find colourful. Look forward to it but I must say - the sun is out and I've tried my linen trousers and must admit the judgy pants are feeling very very tight - we'll have a scream if you wear yours too.

Septum piercing is SO painful. And doesn't heal particularily well.

FWIW. I had a face full of metal until I was about 22... I have little scars now but nothing prominent. And I've always had good jobs.

She'll either do it and get bored of it or she'll be hooked. What do her friends look like? If they're all pierced then it's likely to be peer pressure so I'd be more inclined to say no.

And chuffing hell- leave Glitter to it. We all have various preferences - her clothes/hair isn't any different from anyone elses- the choice is there for anyone to make.

Bloody smallmindedness makes me seeth. FWIW I play baritone professionally with 2 scottish orchestras and do work for the children's panel. I am a professional person- I just don't look like a boring old fart.

onceamai

I think you're entitled to your opinions but honestly slightly confused as to why you think academic or professional success is related to piercedness.

I attended my Oxford interview at age 17 with a facial piercing. I was still wearing it when I sat my finals. Funnily enough, the interviewers were (and always have been) more interested in intellectual quality than in sartorial choices!

I have 21 facial piercings, 5 hidden piercings....and three tattoos....

...but I also wear/own Per Una and Phase 8 clothes?! I also love M&S undies ... and am sat her writing this wearing my linen trews!

I dunno which camp I should be in...so shall get splinters in my arse fence sitting!

Anyhoo OP piercings are not permanent...and tbh if this was my DC I would rather they experimented with piercings and multi coloured hair than permanent tattoo's.

@Onceamai.
It is illegal to ask someone to take their piercings out for work unless there is a health and safety risk.
If you were to demand they remove them or cover up tattoos you could be sued for discrimination. That is unless the tattoos are offencive.

onceamai you,ve given me a good laugh today and your nutty new mate butterbur have a lovely weekend trawling the streets of london looking down your nose at all the horrid looking pierced state school youngsters and all those scruffy adults with there tatoos and funny hair and keep wearing those big old apple catching judgy pants bet you,ll be sat there waving your flag for the wedding downing your gin

onceamai, of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions and tastes. I can't stand pink but I don't think everyone else should stop wearing it to suit me. The difficulty is that both you and Butterbur seem to think that a person's having piercings means you can assume something about them. You can't, that's called prejudice. What concerns exactly would you raise if your child's teacher had facial piercings? Does the fact that they have got a piece of metal in their head make them any less able to teach your child? I'm qualified as a TA and I don't recall having any problems while I was doing my training. Actually, the kids barely even noticed. But then that's perhaps why I like kids often so much more than adults - they're born without prejudices and they're fun to be around if you can get them before society rams the prejudices in.

And on the one hand you're saying everyone should be able to have their own opinions and tastes, and on the other you're saying you'd disinherit your children were they to get a facial piercing. That alone says to me that actually you have very little respect for other people's tastes and would much rather everyone submitted to yours.

As far as being professional goes you can now at least say you've met (online) your first soon-to-be social worker with piercings. And mohawk.

Thanks to everybody for all your fantastic views and opinions. I hope I haven't started a 'war' between certain posters!

I actually have sat down on a few occasions with DD and discussed her desire for piercings calmly and logically, but neither of us seem to understand each other! She's really a lovely girl, pretty, popular, and a good student......I really don't have too much to complain about, except her ideas about body image.

I suppose I might be hyper-sensitive because all through my own childhood and teenage years I would have done ANYTHING to look ordinary and not have people stare and ask questions. You have to be very thick skinned for it not to effect your self esteem.

Nobody warns you about these sorts of traumas when they hand you your little bundle of joy in the hospital!!!!

Thanks to everybody for all your fantastic views and opinions. I hope I haven't started a 'war' between certain posters!

I actually have sat down on a few occasions with DD and discussed her desire for piercings calmly and logically, but neither of us seem to understand each other! She's really a lovely girl, pretty, popular, and a good student......I really don't have too much to complain about, except her ideas about body image.

I suppose I might be hyper-sensitive because all through my own childhood and teenage years I would have done ANYTHING to look ordinary and not have people stare and ask questions. You have to be very thick skinned for it not to effect your self esteem.

Nobody warns you about these sorts of traumas when they hand you your little bundle of joy in the hospital!!!!

"It is illegal to ask someone to take their piercings out for work unless there is a health and safety risk."

I didn't know that. No-one at work has multiple or obvious piercings. I don't know whether it is because there is a dress code at work - piercings aren't mentioned, but I think people take it as read that it isn't considered acceptable because we have a lot of boring old fart customers and we don't want to scare them away. I expect it is more likely because we are all boring old farts .

I know lovely people with piercings and tattoos. I also know some horrible people with piercings and tattoos. Gone are the days when it was considered "common" to have them. That said, I just don't find facial piercings attractive in any way, ears excepted. I wouldn't think anyone was any less of a person for doing it, but it just isn't my taste. Didn't I mention I'm a boring old fart?

I think that a lot of older people find heavily pierced/tattood people's appearance rather threatening. This goes back to the days when they probably were and it is difficult to shake off ingrained opinions like that.

Funnily enough DD (10) and I were talking about piercings and tattoos and she is even more conservative than MIL (82)!

Oh, and for the record I have never bought anything from or worn any Boden clothes

glitterandglue i love you

seconded maighdlin

I know a social worker with dreads, piercings and loads of tattoos. And a Med student covered in tattoos, she's lovely. :)

2 years is a long time to grow out of a faze and it could well be just that.

At 14 I had probably 8 piercing that I did myself out of pure boredom. At 16 I had 4 and now at 24 I have 2 with only tiny scars left on my ears.

I'm sure you DD isn't as stupid as I was to do them her self so don't panic!

Onceamai - "I also think that as far as work is concerned it is extremely unprofessional and I have yet to meet a High Court Judge with piercings. (Or a professional orchestral musician, of which I know many). I would also raise concerns if my childrens' teachers reported for work with multiple piercings."

The thing is, lots of people have piercings that are covered, so you wouldn't know anything about them anyway. Just because the High Court Judge hasn't got a pierced septum or eyebrow, doesn't mean he hasn't got a PA, or she hasn't got pierced nipples.

Oncemai - I am a banker.I have ears, nose, tongue, and bellyutton done. Oh plus 2 tattoos, one of which is on show most days but can be covered depending on what I wear. Never held me back. Thank god my managers are nothing like your stuck up group of friends hey!

Ok I have no idea how I found this thread it's like a year old...