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Original poster

Piercings

104 replies

gladdycat · 07/04/2011 22:56

My 14 year old DD has become obsessed with piercings and alternative body art. She has her ears pierced (once), but is nagging to be allowed her nose pierced. My DP and I thought she meant her nostril.....but no she means her septum! We have obviously refused to entertain this, but she claims that when she is 16 she will be of age to get piercings without parental consent. Is she right? Now she is talking about getting her clavicle pierced, and also 'snake bites' (her lower lip). I find her desire to mutilate herself like this really upsetting as she is such a pretty girl. I was born with a facial birthmark, and would have done anything NOT to be disfigured. I hope I don't come over all uptight and middle class over this, but I would love some ideas on how to deal with this issue before she tries to do anything silly.

OP posts:
DriverDan · 08/04/2011 08:00

When I was younger my mum made it clear she didn't like my piercings but didn't try to stop me getting any after I turned 16. I had 8 ear piercings, labret, eyebrow, bellybutton, tongue and tragus in that order. The most noticeable scar is on my eyebrow as it rejected but really isn't bad at all. All the others you can't tell, I still wear my tongue and bellybutton. Like another poster said I am so happy I picked piercings over tattoos, most look awful when older, I certainly am not 'disfigured'!

Surface piercings are most likely to reject or migrate and cause scarring, I know some people with terrible scars from surface piercings. Like other posters have said if you forbid it she may try to do them herself. When I was a teen my boyfriend pierced his own nose and I pierced the top of his ear, loads of people did they're own ear piercings especially.

hogsback · 08/04/2011 08:02

oncemai you sound like a lovely person who would never judge on appearances Hmm

You're also a bit deluded if you think that a few piercing and tats are a barrier to the professions you mention, or entry to RG unis. I work with bankers (traders and quants specifically) extensively and we have many in our social group and the ones without some form of body decoration would be an exception. An early morning visit to any gym in the City or the Wharf will confirm this.

thorahird · 08/04/2011 08:06

Its not that much of a big deal nowadays to be honest you seem to be bombarded with horror stories on here but on a positive note i had my eyebrow and lip pierced ive taken them out now but no scars,i have many friends who,ve had them and also no probs and onceamai really what is the difference between a nose stud and earings to any other part of the body being pierced other than narrowminded hypocrisy?And you,d disinherite any of your children if they got a piercing what really?Thats quite sad

onceamai · 08/04/2011 08:06

Most of our friends and most the parents at the DC's schools are bankers, lawyers, doctors, senior execs, and almost all went to RG universities - none of them, repeat none of them, are pierced or tattooed. Neither was it the norm in the City when I sold Eurobonds in the 80's and early 90's but in those days the gym wasn't the norm either.

hogsback · 08/04/2011 08:09

oncemai different generation then [shrugs] Rumour has it that even Bob Diamond has a nipple piercing.

thorahird · 08/04/2011 08:11

onceamai your very stuck up not every one wants to be a banker,lawyer you need to understand that the world is a colourfull place although im guessing its quite grey in your vacinity

onceamai · 08/04/2011 08:13

No not everyone wants to be a banker but it's a shame that some people might close doors for themselves or be allowed to do so at 14, 15, 16, 17, before they really know what they want.

thorahird · 08/04/2011 08:16

Oh have a Wineand losen up onceamai life is short and should be lived you dont need to plan it all out you can just wing it sometimes,try it its fun Smile

hogsback · 08/04/2011 08:18

oncemai ah, the City in the 80s/early 90s, when 5 pints or a couple of lines at lunchtime was perfectly acceptable but a discrete tat wasn't (although I bet plenty of the rougher traders had them under their shirts)

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/04/2011 08:22

Oncemai: you really aren't correct. I've already mentioned my friend who is a lawyer with all his piercings. I have a very good professional career and half my body tattooed. Just because you don't know anyone who does, doesn't mean they don't exist.

mumof2teenboys · 08/04/2011 08:23

Oncemai

No-one is 'closing' doors on future careers by having a piercing (or several)

Most piercings will heal without any noticable scarring. The only scar I have from my labret is a tiny dimple that isn't very easy to see unless you are looking for it.

Piercings are a relatively temporary form of body modification, tattoos are not. The OP's dd wants piercings, she will probably end up taking them out. My ES has had his nose, tongue, navel pierced over the years, he has taken them all out now. He also had flesh tunnels in both ears, he doesn't even wear a stud in either ear anymore.

Let teens experiment, its thee best time to do it, they will be a long time 'grown up' and 'sensible'

onceamai · 08/04/2011 08:24

Don't remember any of that Hogsback - was too busy working and if anyone had returned to work drunk at the banks I worked out they would have been dismissed. Drug testing was also being introduced I recall and that would have led to dismissal too.

ElsieR · 08/04/2011 08:25

Say no for now and by the time she is 16 she will want something else anyway! you are not being unreasonable to refuse a piercing to your 14 year daughter, presumably most of her friends do not have some form of body art, do they?

If later on in life she still want to go down that route then there is not a fat lot you can do to stop her. Once thing though is that, at this age kids are desperately trying to differ form their parents so if you radically oppose to it, you may encourage her even more. How about you say, look not at 14 but if you want I'll accompany you to have it done at 16. That might be enough to keep her sweet till then and by the time comes, she will probably change her mind about it.

thorahird · 08/04/2011 08:29

It just goes to prove the point that you can go to the best schools unis have the best education money can buy and still enter the world full of naivety Smile

TwoSprouts · 08/04/2011 08:30

It wouldnt bother me so much if my daughters wanted piercings, they heal. but tattoos i would want them to think a lot about before having one (or ten!) done..

maighdlin · 08/04/2011 08:50

My DH has 8 visible piercings(and 10 others). He started when he was a teenager and is now 30. Some children give him weird looks but it has never held him back. The main one people notice is the septum but he has stretched it to approx 6mm and has a metal spike going through it. Everyone is more fascinated by it than disgusted. Even though he is mad into body mods he is firm that DD will have to be 16 if she wants any.

oncemai - you may be horrified to learn the DH attended a RG uni. He has also been successful in every interview he has had. You will be hard pushed to find a man that loves children as much as they love him. You're judgey pants are on so tight you must always have thrush.

Scotsfairy · 08/04/2011 09:09

I have some visible piercings that might be considered 'unusual' and went to a RG university...and many of the most intelligent people I know have tattoos or piercings...including a number who work in the City... Hmm

Hasn't held us back....

ScaredOfCows · 08/04/2011 09:17

Why don't you compromise and say ok to the septum at 15, wait until 16 for the others. She may go off the idea if you chill out about it a little, but if not, well, she'll get them done anyway and you can either live with it with a smile on your face, or live with it frowning and potentially drive her away.

helendigestives · 08/04/2011 09:26

This reminds me of a story a professor of mine told about when she first joined the university, "I was having a tour of the department and walked past a heavily pierced and tattooed woman in her late thirties. I later discovered she was the head of department. It taught me a valuable lesson in judging by appearances."

I had my nose pierced when I was ~20, and it's healed now I've taken the jewellery out. I had my ears done at Claire's, though, and they still have visible holes. :(

Mum politely refuses to comment whenever I mention my plans for more tattoos. Grin

Crawling · 08/04/2011 09:38

I had my nose and belly done both now removed hidious scar on my belly button but my own DP was surprised when he saw a picture of me with my nose done he had no idea I had ever had that pierced. I had the nose at 13 and the belly at 14 both without parents consent or any thing to numb the pain. My mum learned though when I said I was getting my tongue done she compromised and I didnt get it done.

Butterbur · 08/04/2011 09:40

I think visible piercings, apart from one or two on ears, look chavvy and dirty. They often seem to be worn with an in-yer-face hairstyle like filthy dreadlocks, or half the head shaven, and spots.

Someone who wants to do that to their body must really hate themselves. I would try and find ways to help your daughter gain more self esteem through achievement, rather than trying to look "hard" by filling her face with metal, and ending up looking like a glue-sniffing loser.

Yukana · 08/04/2011 09:57

Your daughter is right. Piercings other than genital and nipple piercings I believe can be done at 16, without parental consent. I had four lip piercings done as well as three ear piercings on each ear all without parental consent as I was of age by that point.

If she's following a trend I can see why you'd be upset about it, (seems young girls have a trend of getting lots of ear piercings and a nose piercing) but if she genuinely wants to well... You can try and stop her until she is of age but guaranteed if she still wants to by then she will go ahead and do it.

You don't come across as uptight at all, and although I understand your daughter may think that way - (I thought the same of my mother when she objected to the idea at first at that age, but she was okay with it later on) - now that some years have passed I can understand a mother's point of view. Just make sure she knows it's what she wants to do, and give her some time to think about it more.
Secondly, I wouldn't call piercings 'mutilating your body' either. This is just a personal view however and something I respect others may not feel the same about. I see it as more of an art, it is something - or rather an expression - on your body, similar to a tattoo.

Above all, if she does get a piercing, make sure she sees a professional and if it is an ear piercing I would highly recommend not letting her get it done if the person is doing it with an ear piercing gun. Also, she needs to treat it accordingly and the piercist should advise her before or after she gets it done on that one.

KBlatherskite · 08/04/2011 09:58

Shock Those judgy pants must be really tight Butterbur!!

Gemsy83 · 08/04/2011 10:01

Im sorry but a 14 year old with 7 ear piercing/lip piercing/nose piercing? FFS whats wrong with the world?

Butterbur · 08/04/2011 10:05

Yep. Complete camel toe, KBlather! Grin

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