to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

Actually Kungfu, I said that Gemsy's tone did not help people see her point of view, and it did not! Other people agree with her (as do I largely), but no one else was making such black and white statements, which sometimes showed a lack of compassion for others' (different) difficulties. Actually, I said, about fifty pages back, what Pagwatch has essentially said, which is that in 99% of cases, people do not need to use the disabled loos and should not, but very occasionally they might have a reasonable reason for doing so. Now none of those apply to the OP, so she should not have used them, as she has acknowledged, but sometimes life is a little more complicated than some posters like to assume and I rarely find that completely black and white approaches work well. And of of course the tone of argument makes a difference, just as it does in RL

Altinkum - I don't think anyone is denying that there are hidden disabilities. No-one is saying that this woman was right to be abusive. What I, and worryingly few others are saying, is that the OP was wrong in the first place.

If the OP had said "WIBU to use the disabled loo because I have a hidden disability and then an old lady shouted at me?" it would be a completely different situation and she would probably have had universal YANBU.

If the old lady came on and asked "WIBU to call this woman a bitch?" then she would probably get universal YWBU answers too.

All the "what ifs" are a complete red herring. The OP didn't have disabilities - she chose not to wait. As a result someone who needed the facility had to wait. She said sorry - she knew she was in the wrong. She got a mouthful from someone who, for whatever reason, chose to be unpleasant. Wrong on both sides.

TBH if you can't handle the basic care of that number of children when you're alone you shouldn't be out with them

Agree with Kungfu. Enough said.

"I have used disabled loos before because (TMI time, sorry) i regularly get IBS with really bad cramps. So if that happens i have to get to any nearest loo asap or it's very painful. Many women have continence issues due to childbirth or disability. Then there are those who need to empty stoma or catheter bags. And the very obese who don't fit normal cubicles. Then there are old grannies whose family have to help them. Etc."

And if every mum decides to use the disabled loo because it is easier, or in some cases "nicer", then none of those people will have access to the facilities because there will be a long queue of buggies.

Its wrong to be rude. Its wrong to be abusive. Its wrong to incovenience those with greater needs because you cant be bothered to wait in a queue. Im not saying for one minute people who dont 'appear' disabled have no need to use disabled toilets. I am simply responding to the OP and other people who have used pathetic excuses for using facilities made to make disabled people's lives easier. Thats all ive said from the very begining.

2and as I said to you gemsy, she may have had, and it is a possibility, however the OP has a right to be annoyed at being verbally abused in public. disability or not. The person may not be able to help their disability, but at the same time, its not nice and is unpleasant to be foul mouthed in public, neither is wrong."

sorry but if people are going to use the "oh how did the lady know if the op had sn" argument this doesn't work, as it means you can't excuse the op's selfish b actions either.

YANBU. Where's the equality in a disabled person not expecting to ever have to wait to use the loo like AB often do?
cowering

There are lots of things we could do if we really really had to, but then again, there are lots of things that we don't because we think that there is a perfectly acceptable alternative.

It really doesn't matter what everybody else on Mumsnet thinks does it (I feel I've just had a profound moment). You had a perfectly reasonable justification for using the accessibility loos, and to you, the potential to inconvenience a disabled person who would need immediate access was outweighed by the potential risk to the numerous children in your care (some of whom weren't your own and were therefore unpredictable).

I would be happy with that calculation. No harm was done, apart from an angry woman who may have had other issues.

Is anybody actually reading the OP, she used the disabled loo because she was LAZY!!!!

Oh Altinkum you have been just as rude and pressumptious so drop the poor got at innocent victim act please.

I have a friend with MS whose disability varies and is not always obvious. She has suffered some appalling rudeness and behaviour from people who misjudge her and believe themselves to be more deserving of disabled facilities / parking spaces, etc than she is.

Whilst a disbility is an awful thing to have it does not excuse this sort of behaviour. A disabled loo or parking space does not come with a guarantee of no waiting.

I am working on the assumption that it was a specifically designated disabled loo because the OP said "disabled loo".

And she also said that she "decided not to wait", not that she had concerns about the kids, or couldn't cope with them.

She was pretty open and honest about her reasoning.

The OP did not say that she was in the loo a minute.

She said that while they were washing their hands, one of the children opened the door so she saw that the woman in a wheelchair was waiting. After that, she took less than a minute.

Four DC under 5 had to have taken at least 5 minutes, probably more like 7 or 8 mins.

x-posted with Slightlymad

Its up to the parent to risk assess the situation and do what feels right for them, I personally would not feel happy leaving a baby in a pram outside the cubicle door, I would rather take the baby in the pram in a disabled loo and risk the wrath. Like others have said the disabled loo is a loo which is wheelchair accessible and should be used used by anyone who has an need in which a standard cubical would not be appropriate. It does not say that ONLY disabled people or those in wheelchairs can use the loos, like there are for parking spaces which stipulate that only blude badge holders can use them.

Plenty of people have said that she was BU in this case slightlymad72, but have just made the point that there may be some cases where it would be justified because the thread moved on a bit.

"TBH if you can't handle the basic care of that number of children when you're alone you shouldn't be out with them"

She can handle their basic care, and she decided that the best thing would be to use the loo that would keep them the safest.

Slightlymad

Never let the bloody obvious get in the way if a good " but what if the woman had recently been the subject of an alien extraction and had forgotten that disabled loos are primarily meant for those with disability rather than the overly entitled and idle"

But you would think.....

Disabled toilets are only called disabled toilets so that people needing to access a specially adapted toilet, can do if they need.

There is nothing that says able bodied people cannot use them and it really annoys me, when there's a massive queue, when people tut if you use it. Perhaps they are just jealous that they didn't feel assertive enough to use their common sense.

People keep referring back to the original OP and implying that she is reasonable in her actions because she had the safety of the kids to consider, that is not what the OP said she specifically said that she used the loos because she didn't want to wait. Her reasoning had nothing to do with child protection, negotiating 4 kids, pushing prams, incontinence or anything else, she used it because she couldn't be arsed waiting.

The thread might have moved on and might have gone off at tangents but when people keep misreading what was originally said and commenting on it then people will carry on pointing out the error.