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To be annoyed by pils trying to categorize my baby?

81 replies

Moulesfrites · 06/04/2011 09:48

I probably am BU, as everything the pils do seems to irritate me ATM, but they keep coming out with statements about 10 week old ds like:

Clearly, he's a baby who likes lying down.
He's a bubble blower
He's a thumb sucker
He's a comfort sucker

When they ave seen him do any f the above once or twice. To me, ds is just himself, and I don't understand this need they have to put him in a box.

God help me when I become a mil as they can do no right!

OP posts:

Olivetti · 06/04/2011 09:51

YANBU. It is the most annoying thing in the world. My MIL visited when DD was 3 weeks old, and naturally the baby was crying quite a lot at night. MIL departed, and promptly left message on answerphone saying she was sending me a special blanket for "difficult babies who won't settle". Angry I feel your pain.


Chrysanthemum5 · 06/04/2011 09:54

YABU, they are his grandparents and they probably just love talking about him, and are making harmless conversation. They are not putting him in a box, just chatting about their grandson!


Bubbaluv · 06/04/2011 09:56

There really isn't much you can say about babies, so people prattle on with anything that comes to mind. You PIL seem to be looking for positive or neutral comments at least so YABU and a bit PFBish maybe?
It could be worse - see Olivetti's post, and even that is not too bad really - just a bit Hmm
Have a glass of wine and relax.


WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 06/04/2011 09:56

They are just talking about him, get a grip and chill out.


AlpinePony · 06/04/2011 09:57



slowshow · 06/04/2011 09:58

"A baby who likes lying down"? Grin


Domesticbodess · 06/04/2011 09:59

I can understand it could be a bit annoying, but at least they are interested. Thinking about it, it must be quite hard adapting to being a GP (if this is their first grandchild). You've got a new baby who is part of you and that you adore, but you're one removed and not in control like when you were a parent. Hmmm, not sure I'm looking forward to it.

Keep stumm and smile sweetly. Congratualtions on you new DS!


Domesticbodess · 06/04/2011 10:00

*I mean congratulations


confuddledDOTcom · 06/04/2011 10:03

YANBU, I have the rare visits when they seem to become experts! My biggest peeve is "Daddy's girl"! They're not at all but because he works away a lot he does everything when he's back and he's the nice parent. People only have to see him pick them up (which I can't do because of my back) and it's "aw! She's such a Daddy's girl!" I guess you just have to let them get on with it really and be glad you don't hear it more often.


StigoftheBump · 06/04/2011 10:08


My pet hate is when they tell me that DC3 is such a happy baby (because they see him for short spells, when he gets 100% attention and coos away at them).

Also hate GP's ranking grandbabies in order of difficultness (not a word, I know) without taking into account that they saw about a billion times more of some than others, based on geographical location.

All of which I can live with, until they fecking contradict me if I happen to say that eg DC3 has been a bit grumpy/not sleeping etc: "oh, but he's such a happy baby!", or "at least he's not like grandbaby X" (who lives almost next door and spent most of the early days in GP's company).

Sorry, I think this touched a nerve


Viagrafalls · 06/04/2011 10:11

Grin at 'baby who likes lying down'


lesley33 · 06/04/2011 10:14

I have said to mothers that their baby is such a happy baby. I'm not stupid I know the baby may not be like that the rest of the time. But I had always seen this comment as a neutral comment to make about a baby.

Because tbh there is a really limited amount you can say about a baby and obviously you want to avoid negative comments. So what should people say about your baby stig if they are just trying to show an interest?


Chaotica · 06/04/2011 10:14

YANBU because it's infuriating. But at least they're talking nicely about your baby.

You haven't been told that he's flirting Angry, spoiled Confused, robust Hmm

Congratulations, btw. It's good to have a baby who likes lying down.


BluddyMoFo · 06/04/2011 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quenelle · 06/04/2011 10:17


I agree, they just want to talk about him. Far better than showing no interest at all. I kept my ILs at arms' length when DS was tiny and really regret it.

Fortunately I came to my senses and he spends lots of time with them now, he adores them and they adore him.


Onetoomanycornettos · 06/04/2011 10:17

Not all babies like being put down, many cry if they are laid down on a flat surface, so it's not an entirely unreasonable thing to say.

They are taking an interest, yes, they are not saying profound things. But try not to take all this stuff so personally, they haven't said anything negative, they are just appreciating him and commenting on his activities, not boxing him in.

Great PIL/own family support is so important, as all the threads on here moaning that no-one ever visits or babysits show. I would try not to get het up about what appear to me very harmless remarks.


Moomoomie · 06/04/2011 10:18

They sound like they are very interested grandparents, who love their grandson.
You are lucky to have them in your life.


StigoftheBump · 06/04/2011 10:18


It is a nice, neutral comment to make, and I wouldn't take exception to it if made by a mum on the school run, say.

Bit more galling from GPs who know that said baby (while gorgeous) has spent a lot of his first few months yelling his little head off, bless him.


seeker · 06/04/2011 10:23

Hmm. One more thing to add to my list of "don'ts" for when I'm a MIL.

Don't say anything at all about the baby.

Shame this contradicts with my last entry on the list - "Remember to show an interest in the baby"

FFS, OP, what are they supposed to say?


cornsilkily · 06/04/2011 10:28

God you can't say anything to new mothers these days.


GnomeDePlume · 06/04/2011 10:30

Dont worry, it carries on:

  • GC1 is 'academic' because she learned to read before GC2 (who is younger so errr... yes
  • GC2 is 'sporty' because she rides her bike a lot (we lived in the Netherlands so it is kind of compulsory)

    and on and on and on.....

    smile and ignore, smile and ignore. Think of it as spare time to think about other things!

stleger · 06/04/2011 10:33

My MIL once caused an incident by telling her dd (not a dil!) that her new baby had a 'very big face'. That didn't go down well.


StigoftheBump · 06/04/2011 10:34

OP, comfort yourself by thinking of my sister's MIL who refers to herself, when talking to GC, as "Mummy" Shock


GwendolineMaryLacey · 06/04/2011 10:37

Blimey, what a fuss about nothing.


faverolles · 06/04/2011 10:38

Yanbu. My ds is the same age, and the thing that really bugs me is when he cries (which doesn't happen that often) people always comment that he must have tummy ache.
Why must he? How do they know? Did he tell them? Is it not possible that he's crying cos he's hungry? Why is it always tummy ache?

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