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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by pils trying to categorize my baby?

81 replies

Moulesfrites · 06/04/2011 09:48

I probably am BU, as everything the pils do seems to irritate me ATM, but they keep coming out with statements about 10 week old ds like:

Clearly, he's a baby who likes lying down.
He's a bubble blower
He's a thumb sucker
He's a comfort sucker

When they ave seen him do any f the above once or twice. To me, ds is just himself, and I don't understand this need they have to put him in a box.

God help me when I become a mil as they can do no right!

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 06/04/2011 10:38

This is the sort of thing you get bothered about when your baby is 10 weeks old, but don't worry - most people get over it. It's hormones and sleep deprivation talking, that's all.

Your DS is himself, but he's still only 10 weeks old and there's not a lot to say about him yet. And the GPs are just making conversation. In their own way they are as dotty about him as you are. If I was to record some of the statements you make about him you would be embarrassed to look back on it. Try to keep perspective for now - loving and involved GPs are a godsend.

MangoTango · 06/04/2011 10:43

Could you do the same but in an exaggerated way until they get the message? eg. He's clearly a baby who likes breathing.
He does like to have a bit of a nap.
He's one of those babies who does wees in his nappies.
Ooh bit of a pooer are you?
Oooh one of those babies who likes to be fed when hungry. etc

Salmotrutta · 06/04/2011 10:43

It's been said but they really are just showing an interest. Babies don't do very much and I'm fairly sure I have spouted such inanities as :
"He's a thumb-sucker/bubble blower/giggler" etc. about my grandson when he was tiny!

seeker · 06/04/2011 10:50

"Could you do the same but in an exaggerated way until they get the message?"

Get what message? That they can't say anything not on a pre-approved list?

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/04/2011 10:52

MangoTango, why on earth would the OP want to challenge PIL over a comment about him liking blowing bubbles. This is so precious it's untrue. Being in a family is about being kind to each other and trying to see the good intentions through the minor irritations, not trying to put people in their place before they've even started.

diddl · 06/04/2011 10:55

I don´t see how they are putting him in a box, tbh.

Perhaps they should say nothing, then you can moan that they aren´t interested?

gkys · 06/04/2011 10:57

stig of the bump???? really? am stunned? Shock OP its an grandparent thing, my mother in law is obssed with what time the boys get up what time they eat, how much, she constantly says "your not hungry are you?" and "when are you going to get some teeth?, they love em too, at least they are paying attention, just smile and let em get on with it, its honestly because they care, my il and i aren't close (ihave some weird ideas apparently and other such things that irrititate them so i am aware its a two way street Grin) and they are a huge part of the boys life,

diddl · 06/04/2011 10:57

Maybe I´m odd as I think that what olivettis MIL did was quite thoughtful.

Apart from the use of the word "difficukt"

diddl · 06/04/2011 10:58

or even difficultBlush

Sidge · 06/04/2011 11:03

They're just making idle chit chat, relax.

Let's be honest 10 week old babies are pretty dull as they don't do anything much - other people can hardly comment on the baby's roller skating skills or ability to colour nicely within the lines.

Commenting on personal appearance and weight gain are a potential minefield so they're just choosing something totally innocuous to chat about.

Salmotrutta · 06/04/2011 11:09

I agree diddl! Sending a blanket was a nice thing to do surely Confused?
Agree about the word "difficult" maybe being a tad provocative though!

NinkyNonker · 06/04/2011 11:11

They're just chatting. We do the same about DD, and we don't think of her as 'being in a box' at all! Really, I do think sometimes that on MN there is such a culture of MIL/PIL annoyance that we are all on the lookout for any possible error on their parts. God help any mothers of boys...

grovel · 06/04/2011 11:12

YABU

OohIsThatAFlake · 06/04/2011 11:12

My Fil called my baby daughter a tart and a prossie last night. Beat that!

theborrower · 06/04/2011 11:13

moulesfrites LOL, I get it all the time too.

DD's fingers looked long and skinny when she was born (they've chubbed up a bit now) and we got "Ooooh! She's going to be a piano player!". When she first started kicking around, we got "Oooh! She's a kicker isn't she! She's going to be a footballer!". When she stands (and wobbles) in our laps or on the floor we get "Ooooh! She's going to be a dancer!". And because she sucks her fingers we get "oooooh! She loves those fingers!". Every. Time.

DH now takes the p*ss and whenever she does anything normal he says "Oooooh! She's going to be a piano playing, ballerina that plays football etc ad infinitum".

But chill out. Just humour them and smile :)

messylittlemonkey · 06/04/2011 11:14

YANBU, but it is par for the course though, isn't it?

My my MIL did this the other day.

Said that DD1 looks like me but has her dad's (i.e her son's) personality - DD1 is independent, fairly confident, articulate etc...). She then said that DD2 looks more like their family, but has my personality. Now, that would be fine, but DD2 is only 12 months and has been in clingy phase for the past few months. She sees PILs about twice a month and quite oftens cries, especially when they first arrive. I felt like saying "You obviously see me as whingy cry baby then - thanks!".

I just ignore it and DP and I have a laugh over it after they've gone!

theborrower · 06/04/2011 11:14

oohisthataflake Shock

Skinit · 06/04/2011 11:15

YANBU my MIL labels mine all the time...she MICRO Grandparents them....obsesses about everything "do you think you ought to get a doctor to look at that?" about DDs BIRTHMARK! Its tiny!

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/04/2011 11:16

To me, one of the great things about grandparents is that (if they are nice ones) they enthuse about your children. Ok, it is irritating when they say, 'she could be a ballet dancer' but I know lots of people who really relied on their grandparents to be enthusiastic and see the good in them, perhaps when their parents were struggling a little (not applicable to babies, very applicable if children are going through a phase, or the teen years). My granny used to call me her 'shining star', now, of course I'm a perfectly ordinary person but that slightly over the top admiration never goes amiss as your children grow.

upahill · 06/04/2011 11:16

Can't do right for doing wrong eh?

DurhamDurham · 06/04/2011 11:19

YABVU. They're just being kind, they're talking about their Grandchild, much better than the alternative.

Mine are teenagers now so maybe I've just forgotten but I never minded people talking about my babies. New mothers tend to talk about their babies a lot and usually do not mind other people talking about them either. There's not really a lot to say so it just ends up being idle chat about being happy, the way they suck their thumb etc.

DeWe · 06/04/2011 11:19

My MIL with dd1 (who was her gc1) put everything she did to one of her family. It came to a head for me when I went to take dd1's hand at about 18 months and she put both hands firmly behind her because she didn't want to hold hands and mil cried out "oh look my ds (not my dp) used to walk round with his hands like that all the time." I said "she's only trying to stop me holding her hands." Her reply "Oh he did it then too..."

redvelvetmooncupcake · 06/04/2011 12:43

OP, do you see more of your PILs than your own side of the family? I think you are being somewhat U but the tone of your post suggests you know that and are trying to have a sense of humour about it all.

Just rise above it, like others have said it's quite hard to make conversation about a 10 week old as they are so new, and at least your PILs sound interested in your DS.

If you find them generally quite irritating I recommend you get them involved in some hands-on babycare and then they will be able to take him out or round to their house and you can have a rest! Or get your DP to take baby to see them now and again - they will enjoy having "their" boys to themselves sometimes.

My PILs annoy the heck out of me as they show bugger all interest in DD and have never offered to help us with anything, despite both being retired and living 10 minutes away. I bent over backwards to try and get them involved for the first few months but now I can't be arsed (especially since they told DP that I shouldn't be working and DD shouldn't be in nursery, but didn't offer to help out with money or childcare...) and let DP deal with them.

Do try and hide your irritation though, your PILs sound essentially nice and well-meaning and they could turn out to be really valuable allies as your DS grows up and something you do have in common is being in love with the baby!

pinkytheshrinky · 06/04/2011 12:48

Crikey - get a grip!

whatsallthehullaballoo · 06/04/2011 12:52

YANBU!!!

It is infuriating - like my parents always trying to assign traits to each parent or great uncle 4 times removed...,.

Oh she likes cheese....takes after her dad..
Oh she doesn't sleep well...takes after her mum
Oh she has ear infection....takes after her cousin...
Oh she has pooed again...takes after her uncle

blah blah blah ffs.