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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fucking stupid people

261 replies

knittedbreast · 05/04/2011 14:32

They have only gone and burnt down 50k worth of play equiptment at the local play park.

Thanks

Why?

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 20:17

Why Confused It isn't in the least bit demeaning, perjorative etc. It's purely discriptive.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/04/2011 20:19

Because there is no 'the disabled'.

Disabled people are individuals not a hemogenous mass.

Thats why.

BeerTricksPotter · 05/04/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissPenteuth · 05/04/2011 20:21

I agree, it's a bit like saying 'the Chinese' or 'the blacks'. Just doesn't sit right. And RNIB changed to the Royal National Institute of Blind People (rather than Of The Blind), presumably for the same reason.

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 20:23

I used that phrase and I disagree that it could be construed as offensive.

Terms such as 'the Catholic community', 'The Asian community' are commonly used and as far as I know never been deemed as offensive.

Oh, and I'm quite aware that disabled people are 'individuals' because I live with one Confused

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 20:24

This thread has just become a whole lot weirder Hmm

BeerTricksPotter · 05/04/2011 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heliumballoons · 05/04/2011 20:28

I agree TFMD. I know you (or think you will Blush) agree with me its child/person etc with X. The person always comes first. Their illness, special need etc is something they have it's not what they are so to speak.

I know its quicker to say 'the disabled child in DD/DS' class' but it should be 'child x, who has y/ uses a wheelchair etc'. Even then you only actually need to refer to a persons disability/ DX/ illness if its relevant to what you are saying/ describing.

No-one refers to me as helium - who wears glasses, unless the fact I wear (can't see without the buggers) is relevant to the conversation.

Sorry its rambly but hope you get what I mean.

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 20:29

The sentence I wrote was as follows:

'I just find a lot of the attitudes on here towards the disabled very patronising.'

How that could possibly be construed as offensive is absolutely beyond me Confused

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/04/2011 20:34

I dont think its weird. I think it is interesting.

You said your son would not like being described as vunerable and that people on MNs seemed to thing ASD was the only SN (or similar). I take this to mean that you dont think that all people with disabilities are the same. Which is perfectly true.

So why refer to 'the disabled'. Its like saying 'them'

Like my family for example,

DD leukemia made her a wheelchair user and gave her epilepsy.
DS LDs, ASD and APD
OH Multiple Sclerosis.

ALl totally different people with totally different needs. All would be classed as having disabilities though.

Nagoo · 05/04/2011 20:35

Gkys really, go and find a nice bit of MN, and then do AIBU.

AIBU is dangerous, other places lovely.

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 20:41

MrsDeVere.

It's my DP who is disabled, not my DS.

I think you are definitely reading too much into it if you honestly think I am saying your family are 'them' by saying the disabled.

A very quick google of the words 'the disabled' would tell you that some amazing organisations in the UK who work with disabled people who are happy to use the words 'the disabled.' Dogs for the disabled being one, for example.

No disrespect. You are entitled to be offended if that's how you see it but we must all take our cue on these issues from somewhere and to be honest, I'm happy with my choice of words.

Given my own daily experiences with disability, I'd be pretty offended if you were accusing me now of being 'disablist.'

SaintGeorge · 05/04/2011 20:42

grovel what the feck are you on about?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 05/04/2011 20:44

SG Shock Grin

iwantadogbutarabbitwoulddo · 05/04/2011 20:46

the women, the women over there!!!!!!!!

you're all being grouped! you're not individuals!

the benefit cheats! you're all being judged as well!
the bankers!
the British! We're 60 million clones now!
the dogs! (all one breed)

sorry i know i'm being facetious (please dont tell me im being offensive though, im getting really paranoid now! Blush Actually, im not kidding.

i

SaintGeorge · 05/04/2011 20:48

Baroque!!! Wink Grin

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/04/2011 20:49

I didnt call you disablist.
I commented on your use of language.
I didnt accuse you of calling my family 'them'
Perhaps you are 'reading to much into' my post?

There are lots of organisations working in the area who do wonderful work but still have people shaking tins shouting 'help the handicapped'. Doesnt mean their use of language shouldnt be challenged.

There is a lot of unease amoungst activists re the way organisations fundraise and the images/languages they use. Depicting people with disabilities as vunerable and sad, something I would assume you wouldnt like either, given your comments re your DP.

If you look a bit further into this I think you will find that 'the disabled' is not a generally accepted term.

But if you are happy to keep using it go ahead. I will continue to be offended by it.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 05/04/2011 20:50

do you know - I even clicked on your name to make sure you weren't an impostor when I saw your post up there hahahaha

(you won't beat my score Wink)

SaintGeorge · 05/04/2011 20:53

Lol, we both thought that last week and look what happened Wink

I am trying to build up mojo at the moment instead of going for a score.

MintyMoo · 05/04/2011 20:54

Another disabled person not overly keen on the term 'the disabled'. Prefer people with disabilities, or people with whatever the disability is. It doesn't bother me as much as 'handicapped' or 'crippled' though. It annoys me more when being used by DM posters 'oh the disabled think they can have their cake and eat it, why should they get benefits just for being disabled' type comments.

Just because I think people forget how varied disabilities are.

My ex had Aspergers, his needs were different from mine as a person with Dyspraxia, my friend with Dyslexia again has different needs. My needs as a person with Dyspraxia are to different to my needs as a person with Fibromyalgia. Some of those needs overlap such as the need for regular breaks, some clash - as someone with Dyspraxia I need to be able to write things down to remember them, to do lists etc. I need written instructions when I have a job. As someone who has Fibromyalgia I struggle to write these down because of the pain in my finger joints, I have some hypermobility in my fingers which increases my Dyspraxia related difficulties with holding a pen and writing. I need time to take my meds with Fibro, Dyspraxia doesn't require medication.

I recently did an assessment centre for a training placement for people with disabilities, the people who had Autsim there had different needs to those with Cerebral Palsy, who had different needs to those with Downs Syndrome. It was great being there though, was so nice to meet other people my age with disabilities (went to mainstream school, have a few friends with learning difficulties like me but not in my main group). I didn't have to pretend to be NT :)

heliumballoons · 05/04/2011 20:55

TFMD agree again. Thats what I was saying above. I didn't want to post your families personal details here - thats your job Grin.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/04/2011 20:59

In the big picture 'the disabled' is offensive but not (IMO) as 'the Downs child' or 'the luekemic' (as someone referred to my DD once ).

Its a term that makes me wince a bit but I wouldnt think the person saying it was a bastard. I find it very offensive when used by MPs for example. When giving speeches they say it over and over until I want to chuck something at the screen.

I dont put it in the same league as 'retard' or 'spaz'. No one likes being pulled on something they say. I dont. If someone does I have to listen though surely?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/04/2011 21:00

helium Grin

iwantadogbutarabbitwoulddo · 05/04/2011 21:01

my problem is,

no matter what word you wish to use someone will always use it offensively, if they wish to do so. They will do this for any word that signifies a minority.

'god you're so disabled' is just awful as well. But 'disabled' isn't inherently a horrible word until someone starts using it as one.

We get to a point where you cant say anything because of the word's connotations. You can be racist without using the terminology associated with it, as well as you can not be a woman hater but still say 'you cunt'

It is too easy to be offended sometimes, and im not one for condoning bad language unless im very annoyed.

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 21:02

I am of course in agreement that the term 'the handicapped' is offensive and I would certainly challenge anybody using that language. Having said that, and I don't know where you are in the Country but it is a very long time since I have heard that term.

For every person who says 'I am offended by the phrase 'the disabled', I'm pretty certain there will be others who are fine with it.

I'm pretty familar with the Dogs for the Disabled organisation and I can tell you they are an upbeat, postive group of people who do not in any way play up the fact that they are dealing with disabled people.

I am sorry that you are offended. I would not want to offend anybody deliberately. To be honest, if I was in the company of somebody I knew disliked the term I wouldn't use it. Not because I think they are are right, but out of common courtesy, similiar to making sure I wouldn't say the 'f' word in front of an elderly relative.

That said, every person has to make moral judgements on these things and I believe the phrase is fine. As such, I would and I will continue to use it.

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