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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that DH won't take a day off work when DD is sick?

68 replies

theborrower · 05/04/2011 10:47

This is a bit of a moan, forgive me.

8mo DD has been sick since Thursday - vomiting and diarrhoea, but we've seen a doctor (twice) and she's getting better. DH has Sundays and Mondays off, so I was looking forward to getting a bit of help and perhaps a wee rest over the weekend, but then DH gets a vomiting bug on Mother's Day and I have to take her round to her GPs to give him some peace. Not his fault I know, but typical! Wink

Anyway, DH is back at work now but DD is still a bit poorly - on rehydration sachets from the doctors. This morning she squirted poo all over her, me, and the carpet. All this time she's screaming and I'm trying to stay sane get her cleaned up and soothe her. I sent DH a text telling him that DD was still ill and he might have to come home from work because it was hard trying to clean up the mess and look after her at the same time. And I'm knackered and fed up, you know? He sent me a text back saying to ask my dad to come round to help instead.

AIBU to ask him to take a holiday from work to come back and help? He acts like he can't take a day off from work, but I'm thinking "Your DD is ill and I need some help for a day". Or am I just a crap mother that I'm finding it hard to look after her on my own, and being unreasonable that I expect him to help a bit more?

Be kind to me...

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/04/2011 10:49

YABU. I think it's a bit harsh to expect him to take a day's holiday to help you with one child. If you had seven with squitty bottoms that would be a different mater.
She is only eight months old, she will surely be sleeping at some point. You could scrub your carpets then.

BluddyMoFo · 05/04/2011 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 10:51

OMG yes you are being VERY unreasonable Shock

Sorry but welcome to parenthood. Even if you had twins you really need to suck it up and get on with it.

I'm not saying it's easy, but really one child with D&V and you're asking him to come home?

Daisypod · 05/04/2011 10:51

In one way YANBU, it is bloody hard being at home with ill children. BUT at the moment I know many people are not taking time off work as they are so worried about the stability of jobs and do not want togive any reason to be the one to be got rid of should the need arise. Is he worried about his job? Also if you have never been in the situation of being home with an ill baby it is not easy to understand how hard it is.

Take it easy today, do only what is nessacary and sleep when you DD sleeps. If he moans about housework not being done when he gets home tell him to sod it!

gorionine · 05/04/2011 10:51

Ok, first of all you are not a crap mother, it is quite draining when the dcs are poorly but really, does it need the 2 of you to look after her?

My advice would be, while she is poorly focus on her and any unurgent chores can be left for later, possibly when your |DH is back from work and can help too?

Hope she get bettr soon and you can rest a bit.

herbietea · 05/04/2011 10:51

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Bogeyface · 05/04/2011 10:52

I dont think it is unreasonable. He doesnt help at all but the OP can take the DD out of the house when he is ill?!

Looking after a sick child is hard work at the best of times, and this isnt just a day or so. Also, what does he plan to do if the OP gets the bug? He will HAVE to take time off then.

cauchemar · 05/04/2011 10:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazylula · 05/04/2011 10:52

You are not a crap mother, it gets very wearing when you have a sick child to contend with but I do think YABU to ask your DH to come home and help. Sometimes we just have to get on and do I am afraid.

Original poster
theborrower · 05/04/2011 10:52

Ok, fair enough, but I'm just knackered! :(

She's sleeping now, by the way, and I've already cleaned the carpet. I'm not ignoring her or the mess :)

OP posts:
ScroobiousPip · 05/04/2011 10:53

I feel for you theborrower, v and d is awful.

Do you work too? If so, then it is perfectly reasonable to expect your DH to share the load when a child is sick. He can take that leave as sick leave I believe.

On the other hand, if you are a SAHM then I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to take annual leave without notice - great if he can, but if he has meetings or other work commitments it's not always going to be possible.

Perhaps you could ask him to book a day of annual leave for later in the month, at a time that's convenient to his job, so that you can take a day off?

seeker · 05/04/2011 10:54

You're not a crap mother - but if he had a hard patch at work would he ring him and ask you to come in and give him a hand?

Sounds a silly question but I always found it easier to think of looking after my dcs as a job. That way, as well, I felt less guilty when I had the occasional break from it.

You said she's getting better - hang in there!

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 10:57

Also, what does he plan to do if the OP gets the bug? He will HAVE to take time off then.

Yes and maybe that's why he doesn't want to take it off now as it's not necessary yet!

OP it is draining I know...but really if you were a single parent or if you hade more than one child, you really would learn to cope fast.

Sometimes it's easier when you don't have someone willing/able to drop everything or you might never learn coping tactics.

Hope she's better soon Smile

mumblechum1 · 05/04/2011 10:57

YABU.

I wouldn't have dreamt of dragging dh home from work because I couldn't deal with one baby.

Original poster
theborrower · 05/04/2011 10:58

Daisypod said Also if you have never been in the situation of being home with an ill baby it is not easy to understand how hard it is.

What annoyed me a bit yesterday is that when he was home, and she was screaming etc, he was holding her then passed her back to me saying "I give up". In a bit of a jokey way, but I was p*ssed off because it seemed that he didn't understand what it had been like the past few days.

I should also add, that I myself had a vomiting bug 2 weeks ago and had to look after her all day on my own - she spent most of the day in her bumbo in the bathroom watching mummy puke. He said he couldn't take a day off work then either. So that's why I'm a bit annoyed.

OP posts:
ChristinedePizan · 05/04/2011 11:00

The 'I give up' comment would have irritated me too. Crying, ill babies are exhausting.

louloudia · 05/04/2011 11:00

i think you are being unreasonable

what can he do at home that you cant

WoodysHat · 05/04/2011 11:00

YANBU to want him to be at home to help you but you are being unrealistic I'm afraid. Given the choice, we would all want a second pair of hands to help at times like this but the reality is that he has to work. After all, it's highly likely that you will succumb to the bug soon and he will need to have a day off then to look after your DD so it's best if he works while he can.

It's hard when it's your first but believe me it gets harder the more you have! 2 weeks ago I had 9 month old DS I'll with Bronchiolitis, 3 year old DD at home all day plus 2 other DC to get to school and back - I really did struggle but you have to knuckle down and get on with it I'm afraid.

If your OH won't take a day off if you come down with the bug then I would definitely say he is BU :)

Hope your DD is better very soon.

louloudia · 05/04/2011 11:01

to be honest, if i took a day off work cos OH needed desperate "help" then i got home and they were faffing around on the internet, i would be less than chuffed :)

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:01

His work pays for the roof over your heads presumably?

Do you have any friends or family as a future back up plan if you were to get ill again?

MenaZovut · 05/04/2011 11:02

Oh I feel for you, before my son was diagnosed with milk allergy I could have over 20 runny poos a day (20 was the point where I always lost count and curled up in a ball!)

My advice is deal with it while he's at work BUT don't accept that because he's had a 'hard' day at work he should do nothing. Be very clear you NEED a break before you run yourself ill too. He can deal with her from when he gets in to when he goes out and you rest tonight. It's no harder working than it is with ill babies and one night while you rest won't kill him. Do nothing. Go out if you have to to rest (my husband always bothers me even when I am 'resting'). Or take a whole day at the weekend, go shopping or flop at a relatives.

MenaZovut · 05/04/2011 11:03

I don't blame you though for popping online! I remember it could be very isolated and stressful with a sick baby and popping online was a mental break and a form of social contact.

WoodysHat · 05/04/2011 11:03

Agh, crossed posts there. He was BU not having a day off when you were ill, especially when you had to take your DD out for the day when it was his turn!

RatherBeACyborg · 05/04/2011 11:05

You have my sympathies as I also have a poorly 5 month old, (and a potty-training toddler so have had to clean carpets this morning as well). But I'm sorry YABU.

I know it's hard and if there is someone else to call then ask them to come round but you can't really expect your DH to take time off. Make sure he takes the baby at the weekend so you can rest though.

BeerTricksPotter · 05/04/2011 11:05

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