Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that DH won't take a day off work when DD is sick?

68 replies

theborrower · 05/04/2011 10:47

This is a bit of a moan, forgive me.

8mo DD has been sick since Thursday - vomiting and diarrhoea, but we've seen a doctor (twice) and she's getting better. DH has Sundays and Mondays off, so I was looking forward to getting a bit of help and perhaps a wee rest over the weekend, but then DH gets a vomiting bug on Mother's Day and I have to take her round to her GPs to give him some peace. Not his fault I know, but typical! Wink

Anyway, DH is back at work now but DD is still a bit poorly - on rehydration sachets from the doctors. This morning she squirted poo all over her, me, and the carpet. All this time she's screaming and I'm trying to stay sane get her cleaned up and soothe her. I sent DH a text telling him that DD was still ill and he might have to come home from work because it was hard trying to clean up the mess and look after her at the same time. And I'm knackered and fed up, you know? He sent me a text back saying to ask my dad to come round to help instead.

AIBU to ask him to take a holiday from work to come back and help? He acts like he can't take a day off from work, but I'm thinking "Your DD is ill and I need some help for a day". Or am I just a crap mother that I'm finding it hard to look after her on my own, and being unreasonable that I expect him to help a bit more?

Be kind to me...

OP posts:
Original poster
theborrower · 05/04/2011 11:05

menazovut yes, just grabbing a break. The carpet is clean, the bottles are all washed out, and she's still asleep. A bit longer than normal though, will have to check on her again...

And this thread has given me some perspective too. Ok, I'm being a bit unreasonable, but you can see why I'm just a bit fed up and needed 10 minutes out.

OP posts:
ScroobiousPip · 05/04/2011 11:05

theborrower - I think if you and DD were both sick, that's a different situation and your DH was being a bit U. Obviously if you can cope by yourself you should but if it's a case where you cannot provide proper care for your child then DH could take a day's sick leave.

I suffer from very bad migraines - mostly I manage them with medication but occasionally I miss the window and there have been two days since DS was born where I have been utterly unable to care for him - my ex DH took both days off work thankfully.

You sound tired and run down at the moment. Sort some time off, whether DH takes a bit of annual leave or you get a day to yourself at the weekend. Get some sleep and enjoy a few hours to yourself.

mousesma · 05/04/2011 11:08

YANBU unreasonable to expect him to help more when he is at home but YABU to expect him to take time off at such short notice.

You have my sympathies too though because even with one baby it can feel relentless when they are ill. You're definitely not a crap mother just a very stressed out one :)

everyspring · 05/04/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MenaZovut · 05/04/2011 11:09

Do you have many 'mum' friends locally. It's what saved me, though in my case the illnesses pretty much went on 5 months or so and borderline tipped me to PND!

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:10

Actually you should feel quite proud of yourself now and grateful he didn't come back.

You've managed to cope with a situation that you were sure was beyond your capabilities.

If he had come back, you wouldn't have coped alone and at least now, you know in the future what you're capable of Smile

Original poster
theborrower · 05/04/2011 11:10

Oh, and no, his money does not put a roof over our heads - our money does. I'm on mat leave just now and I'm still paying 50% of our bills at the moment. Just to clarify. Not that it's relevant just now, but...

OP posts:
Original poster
theborrower · 05/04/2011 11:12

worraliberty thanks :) I've just texted him to say that we're doing fine and not to come home, we'll be fine. I hope he pours me a Wine later though.

Right, I can hear DD stirring - better go, back to cleaning up the poop...

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 05/04/2011 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eroded · 05/04/2011 11:14

YABU.
I'm afraid you just have to get on with it.

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:14

I said 'his work pays for the roof over your head presumably'...I didn't mention anything about whose money belongs to who.

Either way, could you both manage if he lost his job was the point I was making.

janetsplanet · 05/04/2011 11:18

to the person who said if OP was ill he would have to stay off work. why would he? plenty of parents have been ill and had kids in the house. mums just get on with it. its not nice having to put the baby down every few mins whilst you run to the toilet, but thats life

Onetoomanycornettos · 05/04/2011 11:19

I would learn to nap when the little one naps pretty sharpish. Saved me from going absolutely doolally when I was so tired. Don't worry about when they are going to wake up, just get your own head down, they will soon let you know if there is a problem (as indeed you do at night). I had both mine napping at the same time every day so I could have a nap.

walesblackbird · 05/04/2011 11:20

You have a lifetime of sickly children ahead of you - your husband can't take a day off each and every time. Vomit, poo and all the rest of the revolting bodily functions are what happens when you have children. It's hard when you have to to clear up and manage small children but it goes with the territory.

ineedagoodsolicitor · 05/04/2011 11:21

Well..... if he was having a really tough day at work and asked you to ask the GP's to mind DD so that you could go in and help him with his 9-5 workload, would you be annoyed ?

He should however pitch in when he gets home to share the load.

Cymar · 05/04/2011 11:48

Welcome to parenthood. If you think it's bad now, just wait til your DC go to nursery/school. They'll pick up loads of bugs when they come in contact with other kids.

MorticiaAddams · 05/04/2011 11:55

YABVU. Yes it's not nice but you need to learn to cope with sick children on your own and you'll also need to learn to cope when you're sick too, unless you're really ill. There are many perks to being a sahm but this not one of them!

plopplopquack · 05/04/2011 12:13

Well I do sympathise, but as someone who has 2 young children both with reflux (one has it very bad) and no fucker ever helps me I don't feel that bad for people who have 1dc with a temporary illness. My DH is great but I can't expect him to stay off work every day!

altinkum · 05/04/2011 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 05/04/2011 12:23

"You have a lifetime of sickly children ahead of you - your husband can't take a day off each and every time."

Well one of them will have to and presumably it might be him!

walesblackbird · 05/04/2011 12:30

If both parents are working then ideally care will be shared. But OP didn't say she was working? I'm a SAHM and so it falls to me. The thing is when children are ill it is generally their mothers that they want. Not necessarily it's fair but it's how it works here.

StealthPolarBear · 05/04/2011 12:33

The OP clarified that she is on mat leave at the moment, and in fact contributes half to the family pot. So in fact her previous work is paying their bills, and presumably this "lifetime ahead" includes the part of her life where she isn't on maternity leave?

plopplopquack · 05/04/2011 12:33

OP is SAHM at the moment so her job.

I have been in the situation where both my children are ill and I am as well. In those cases DH will take the time off work usually but last year when I had a very bad illness and could do no more then give my children a bag of crisps, he was only able to get home a couple of hours early. It was awful!

lazylula · 05/04/2011 12:37

As you are on maternity leave at the moment, does that mean you intend to return to work? If so then bare in mind your dh will then need to take a turn in having time off to care for your child when ill so far better to save time off for when it is truly needed than now, when things maybe tough on you but you are at home anyway.

Those saying OP's Dh will have to take time off if the OP gets it, is that really what happens in your household? It certainly hasn't here! Mind you DH is self employed so no work means no money but even so, I just tend to muddle through with the children... Incidentally, though, I would not have taken the children out to give DH a break when he was ill, he may take to his bed but he puts up with the children around just like I do!

BramblyHedge · 05/04/2011 12:37

As someone dealing with a chickenpoxed 2 year old, a screaming cluster feeding 5 wk old and having to negotiate the school pickup for the 5 year old later you have my sympathy but yabu and this is parenthood. kids are ill alot and it isnt practical for the father to take time off when it happens. i understand how you feel though it is hard work.