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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that DH won't take a day off work when DD is sick?

68 replies

theborrower · 05/04/2011 10:47

This is a bit of a moan, forgive me.

8mo DD has been sick since Thursday - vomiting and diarrhoea, but we've seen a doctor (twice) and she's getting better. DH has Sundays and Mondays off, so I was looking forward to getting a bit of help and perhaps a wee rest over the weekend, but then DH gets a vomiting bug on Mother's Day and I have to take her round to her GPs to give him some peace. Not his fault I know, but typical!

Anyway, DH is back at work now but DD is still a bit poorly - on rehydration sachets from the doctors. This morning she squirted poo all over her, me, and the carpet. All this time she's screaming and I'm trying to stay sane get her cleaned up and soothe her. I sent DH a text telling him that DD was still ill and he might have to come home from work because it was hard trying to clean up the mess and look after her at the same time. And I'm knackered and fed up, you know? He sent me a text back saying to ask my dad to come round to help instead.

AIBU to ask him to take a holiday from work to come back and help? He acts like he can't take a day off from work, but I'm thinking "Your DD is ill and I need some help for a day". Or am I just a crap mother that I'm finding it hard to look after her on my own, and being unreasonable that I expect him to help a bit more?

Be kind to me...

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 12:38

How do you think single parents cope? YOu clean her up put her in her cot/pram whatever, and then clean yourself and the carpet.

It isn't rocket science.

purepurple · 05/04/2011 12:39

YANBU to want him to be at home to help you.
YABU to expect him to.
It really doesn't take 2 people to look after 1 baby, not even a poorly baby.

MillsAndDoom · 05/04/2011 12:39

OP I think you have had a hard time on this thread - yes ywb (a bit) u, but you're tired, still recovering from being ill and looking after a poorly child so probably needed to vent.

Just do the bare minimum to get through the day.

And well done for taking the responses so well

schmee · 05/04/2011 12:41

OMG - I thought you were both working when I read the title of the thread. Honestly if you are not completely incapacitated yourself to the point where it is dangerous, then I don't think you can expect your husband to come home from work because your baby is ill. That is ridiculous.

Kewcumber · 05/04/2011 12:44

He is being irritating but you are being unreasonable. I'm a lone parent and had no help when DS was sick AND had to take time off from work when he was if he was too ill for my mum to have him.

Swine flu when he got it then I got it was no joke!

It is hard. But there's really not much point wasting his holidays when you can actually manage on your own. The fact that he doesn't appreciate that would irritate the hell out of me though

mollymole · 05/04/2011 13:19

Unless you are ill yourself then YABU - it can be draining looking after a small sick child but this is just the way it is - just look after the child - daily chores can wait

PorkChopSter · 05/04/2011 13:23

I understand how you feel, really, I do but it's a one person job. Nice to do with two, but not necessary. You will need some time out later - he can be in charge when he gets home from work

However, I'd be spitting that he didn't take the time off when you were ill.

plopplopquack · 05/04/2011 13:33

When he's home later you should get him to take over for a while. He can't just "give up"!

diddl · 05/04/2011 13:37

What is unreasonable is that you took her out because he was ill

Original poster

theborrower · 05/04/2011 14:57

Ok, quick update - DD is sleeping again and the house is back in order. There was another major poop accident, but we got over it. I/we have to keep the house in fairly good order as we go because we're in a small one-bed flat. If I leave poo stains and vomit all over the house it's not only a health hazard but I can't retreat to another room!

Ok, I know I was being unreasonable expecting him to take a day off. I'm tired and was needing to vent, I know I need to just get on with it. And I have :) But we've all been fed up and wanted to scream when Baby sh*ts all over the house, right? I'm a first time mum and this is the first time she has been ill like this - it's just a bit of a shock, and draining, yes. Go easy on me :)

And I go back to work next month. If DD gets ill again (ok, when) I would expect him to share the days off needed to look after her. What bugs me a bit is that he has never looked after her for more than about 2 hours on his own, so the "I give up" bit, although said in a bit of jest, irritated me because he's going to have to do better than that. And he'll be looking after her one day a week while I'm at work, so he's going to have to learn how to soothe her when I'm not around.

On a more serious note, though - at what point do I call the Doctor again about her diarrhoea? I thought she was getting better, but the last bout was a serious bad one. What a mess. She's been on reyhdration sachets for 24 hours now, and I'm sure he said to give them to her until her poo firms up, then move onto watery formula, and if everything remains normal, to go back to proper formula. I'm a bit worried as she's already had 4 bottles of the rehydration stuff today, and I don't want to give her too much (is that possible?). Will her poo go back to normal if she's only on these water things?

OP posts:

MenaZovut · 05/04/2011 15:00

I;d give her milk too personally if she'll take it. If she's eating that much she must be hungry and she'll get plenty of liquid if she's taking bottles of milk. I have to syringe the stuff down ds by force if he's in a bad way!

cestlavielife · 05/04/2011 15:02

call the health visitor for advice they more accesible than doctor.

cestlavielife · 05/04/2011 15:03

milk can exacerbate bad tummy give her some bay rice mixed with water or dry toast

cestlavielife · 05/04/2011 15:03

baby rice

Original poster

theborrower · 05/04/2011 15:03

Yeah, I thought she was hungry but the Doc had said it was gastroenteritis and it wouldn't help. We saw a Doc at the hospital on Saturday (we'd called NHS24 and they said they wanted to see her) but she said that there was no evidence on whether avoiding milk helped, as her gut still needed fed. And the man on NHS24 also said to give her whatever she'll take. When I told my Dad that we had given her milk, he was like "NO Borrower! I told you not to!". I'm confused

OP posts:

MenaZovut · 05/04/2011 15:07

I've always had the advice from hospital to feed ds. I'd hate to be starved on top of having the runs!

sprinkles77 · 05/04/2011 15:17

A bit unreasonable. Sadly this is the reality of motherhood, or of being a stay at home parent. it is hard, at least it's just some explosive diarrhoea which will eventually get better. If you're having lots of leaky nappies try a 2nd bigger nappy over the 1st one to catch spills. I got extra baby grows to help keep up with the laundry. And stock up on nappies. Maybe DH could sort these out for you, and help with some washing and cooking when he gets home (ok maybe he can get you a takeaway!). Whenever I feel my husband is not pulling his weight I remind myself who's bringing home the bacon at the moment....not me!

plopplopquack · 05/04/2011 15:46

Wow first time she had been ill! You're lucky. I think I said earlier that I have 2 with reflux, so far it's been years of vomit every day!

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