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To not want other people to put pictures of me and my family on Facebook...

52 replies

Asinine · 04/04/2011 13:31

...when they know that I don't want to join facebook? My sister knows that my dd isn't on Facebook as she is not old enough and I think it is not a great use of a person's time, besides all the child safety issues. In fact my dd is not even sure she wants to be on it when she is old enough.

Despite knowing that, my sister shows my dd various people's pages or walls whenever we meet. I find this irritating as it feels like she is undermining our parenting. Last time we saw her she had put lots of pics of my children up with comments of who we were and where we were. I was supposed to look at these and be impressed that people I'd never heard of had commented on these pictures.

Now I'd love to see her photos normally but feel uneasy about her putting them in cyberspace. I didn't say anything but want to say something next time it happens.

I know I am being protective but it seems that everyone has to be on Facebook whether you like it or not because even if you don't join people can see you on there.

So AIBU or was I just born in the wrong century?

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millie30 · 04/04/2011 13:40

YANBU. My sister has some pictures of my DS on her facebook, but she asked my permission first and has privacy settings so that only her friends can see them. You should tell your sister to remove them if you're not happy.

valiumredhead · 04/04/2011 13:42

I am the same - don't like pics of me or my family on FB at all.

WereOffToSeeTheWizard · 04/04/2011 13:43

Yabu what exactly is your concern?
What do you think is going to happen to the photos?

Asinine · 04/04/2011 13:45

If only her friends can see them, is it impossible for the friend's friends to see them? Sorry if that's a silly question, or does it then depend on the friend's privacy setting?
I was going to say something but I thought I was maybe overreacting so I thought I'd pass it by mumsnet jury first. Smile

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ruffletheanimal · 04/04/2011 13:46

i do not see the problem at all.

Bringonthegoat · 04/04/2011 13:46

YANBU - it is your choice to have photos on net or not. She is being childish to go over your parenting decisions too. Ask her to remove them and report to FB if she does not.

ragged · 04/04/2011 13:48

I can't being to understand why you're bothered, but nonetheless it's reasonable for you to ask her to take them off if it makes you uncomfortable.

Asinine · 04/04/2011 13:48

Were off
I suppose it's a privacy thing, I just feel odd about people being able to view our lives, when I don't know them. Nobody was naked, or doing anything outrageous though.

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Newgolddream · 04/04/2011 13:49

I enjoy FB and put photos up all the time of my boys, its a great way to keep in touch with people, but if you think its a waste of time then thats your choice, Im unsure what your worries are though about your children?

manfromCUK · 04/04/2011 13:50

YANBU DP has put pics of our DD on FB despite knowing I didn't want her to. I agree with you 100%. I do have a FB account, but it only has a pic of an old car on it (with no explanation) and is not in my name - I don't really use it but just got it from a pal who bullied me into it and then complained about some of the groups I signed up to!

ragged · 04/04/2011 13:50

My understanding is that when people comment on the photos, even if the original photo is restricted to friends only, then the "comment" will be broadcast maybe with the photo to people who aren't on the original "friends list".

Which is a long winded way of saying that MAYBE someone not on the friends list will see them.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/04/2011 13:50

I don't understand it either. People view your life every step of the way, photographs make no difference to that. But, if you don't like it you have to ask them not to do it, nothing else you can do.

millie30 · 04/04/2011 13:50

No her friends friends can't access the photos. It doesn't even matter if you ARE overreacting, if it's something you're uncomfortable with then you have the right to say so.

LillianGish · 04/04/2011 13:52

I share your unease. I read a truly dreadful article in one of the Sunday papers (trying to remember where exactly) describing an internet chatroom for paedophiles where members downloaded photos of kids from the internet - not pornographic in themselves just snapshots garnered from the internet - and discussed the kids in them. It made the point that when you post photos on the internet you have no control over them - you don't know who they will be passed to and where they will end up. Very sickening - I would certainly think twice about it having read that article.

cuteboots · 04/04/2011 13:54

Im not down with the whole facebook thing at all! Maybe Im getting old but back in my day if you wanted to talk to someone then you phoned them?? Im not sure why there are really young children also with facebook accounts ? The whole things just scares me...

Asinine · 04/04/2011 13:56

Of course mumsnet is never a waste of time Grin. It's the opposite of RL because everyone's fairly anonymous and you can find out what people really think.
I suspect I'm in the minority when it comes to wanting privacy, but I feel that the choice is taken away when other people post things on your behalf.

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atthecarwash · 04/04/2011 13:57

same here. No pics o f kids on fb and I only have mine on my profile. I really don't get why people make their dcs birthdays etc public....ask her to get them off.

NessyBay · 04/04/2011 13:58


We were at a wedding recently - neither bride or groom were FB'ers and politely requested that our pics of their wedding day were not posted.

I completely agreed with them/you.

Asinine · 04/04/2011 13:59

'People view your life every step of the way'

Now I am getting paranoid >

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Newgolddream · 04/04/2011 14:00

Communicating online is just another form of communication, like the telephone. Unlike the telephone you dont need to keep an active conversation going, you can leave comments and return later. Also more than 2 people can join in, I might enjoy this but it wouldnt necessarily mean I would want a conversation on the phone with them!

Asinine · 04/04/2011 14:03

New gold
To use the telephone analogy it's like someone has recorded a bit of your conversation without telling you and put it on Facebook

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valiumredhead · 04/04/2011 14:27

To me it's the same as a friend taking pics of your family and then putting them up on the Tesco's notice board in town for everyone to see.

And privacy settings are nonsense - there are FB 'blips' all the time and FB often changes and you have to reset the settings etc.

I watched Social Network the other week - very interesting Grin

Asinine · 04/04/2011 14:31

There is a right to privacy in the human rights act.

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OwlsEverywhere · 04/04/2011 14:36

YANBU, I freaked when a friend of DH's somehow used his pictures of DCs, which until then had been private. I hadn't wanted the pictures to go on facebook in the first place. I suppose it's the combination of face and name I want to keep private, not have available to every stranger, which I think is a creepy outcome.

Asinine · 04/04/2011 14:38

Has anyone read this book?

Ben Elton Blind Faith (excerpt)

The story takes place in London approximately 50 years after many parts of the Earth have been subjected to rising water due to global warming. The remaining population believes that "only perverts do things in private" and obsessively blogs and uploads their lives in a sort of voluntary panopticon society.

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