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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there's something not right with my relationship

86 replies

chickenmama · 04/04/2011 11:02

I've not had many serious relationships so I haven't got much to compare it with, but if, in the middle of an arguement, your bf picks you up and tries to throw you out of his house (reason: his daughter is sleeping upstairs) and then when he doesn't succeed, he pins you up against the wall by your throat, feet off the ground and you can't breathe... is that pretty much the end of the relationship? I'm a little bit confused right now.

OP posts:

Original poster

chickenmama · 04/04/2011 17:01

No, BluddyMoFo, it was not like that. I was not drinking, thank you. I got annoyed with him refusing to say goodbye as I was leaving and said 'oh fuck off then'. Yes I should have held my tongue but it gets so frustrating when he acts like that. He doesn't do discussion, unless it's him talking at me and me agreeing. All I wanted was to end mother's day on a good note as it had been a lovely day, I went in to apologise for swearing and to say goodbye properly. Is it wrong to want to make up so we can part on good terms? I can see now I shouldn't have bothered, but it bothers me falling out with him all the time.

OP posts:

Shakirasma · 04/04/2011 17:02

Hey I have not once defended this man for his actions and I have never once said the op was to blame for him hurting her physically.

But I still stand by my view that the op was the one who escalated what should have been a minor tiff into a full blown row by her refusal to respect his need to have her leave the house and get out of his space.

I am not ashamed of that and reiterate that they are both better off out of this relationship.

FABsBackAndIsWell · 04/04/2011 17:03

All of this doesn't matter any more if you are going to finish the relationship. Are you?

QuintessentialShadows · 04/04/2011 17:21

But is there any getting through to you though, chickenmama?

What are you going to do with this relationship?

Original poster

chickenmama · 04/04/2011 18:12

What else can I do? It's an unhealthy relationship. I've been in worse but none have ever been physically abusive. All those were before I had my DD and I swore I'd never get treated badly again because I couldn't put her through it. And yet the longer I stay with him, the more attached she's getting, to both him and his DD, and the more she's likely to witness. I can't stay with him for both our DDs sakes.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 04/04/2011 18:16

I am glad you are recognizing how unhealthy this is. You must end it, for you, and for your dd.

plopplopquack · 04/04/2011 21:23

If he doesn't do discussion I don't see how things can continue. I just feel so sorry for his daughter. Imagine what it will be like for her growing up with a dad like that.

audreyroberts · 04/04/2011 21:42

it is the end - get well away now.

RosyApples · 04/04/2011 23:31

I wouldn't just be ending the relationship I'd be going to the police, I understand if you don't want to because of his DD but I'd be just as worried about her staying with him if he's so volatile. Hope you're ok and realise you don't have to stand for this. If he really loved you he wouldn't have been so angry over you wanting to make things up.

Original poster

chickenmama · 07/04/2011 18:20

What makes me sad (but also very happy, as it makes everything so much easier) is that 4 days on and he's not attempted to apologise for hurting me (I've got bruises all over and my neck was incredibly sore, both to touch and to swallow until today). One text, 2 days ago, to ask if I got home ok, but nothing else (which I didn't reply to). It makes me realise he's got issues. If that was the other way round, I'd be wracked with guilt, never mind who's fault I felt it was who started the argument. Surely no normal person can do that to someone and not feel bad about it. Can they? Immediately after the event he completely denied it, like I was making it up and it didn't happen. Can't help thinking that's very odd and he has some kind of anger management issues. It's so hard for me to comprehend, especially because I really thought that he loved me. In fact, I don't doubt it, I just think it was a messed up kind of love. Not one I need to be involved in. I'm so glad to have had this time to think about it all, and I'm already really enjoying single life again. No worries, no stress, no bickering. It's great :)

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 12/04/2011 08:57

I'm really glad to hear that, chickenmama :) Now lurk on the relationships board like crazy and learn those red flags

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