I know IABU but just need to vent...

[Randomer1]

Have name changed for this as I fully expect to be flamed as an ungrateful cow. I know that plenty of mums get sweet FA for mothers day and I should probably be glad for what I have but I am not impressed with DH right now.

In the run up to mothers day he asked what I wanted and I pointed out a necklace to him that I liked, it's not expensive, about £20. Come yesterday morning I find my present sitting and its a cheapo teddy bear. I was told that this was bought because someone had come round his work selling them and he couldn't remember which specific necklace I had pointed out and he wasn't that keen on the ones I liked anyway . I was pretty pissed off to be honest that he didn't seem to think I was worth a trip to the shops especially since the shops are right near his work and he could have gone at lunchtime or straight after work.

On top of this he has done nothing to make the day special, no breakfast made for me, did not offer to get up early with the baby, sat and watched me do all the housework. This is my first mothers day as a mum and I was looking forward to being spoilt a bit. I had a pretty horrendous labour and delivery a few months ago and now feel like he doesn't give a shit about anything I went through. So AIBU to feel that he has ruined my first mothers day with his inconsiderateness?

i had exactly the same thing. sorry to rant on your thread too. he watched me do everything, and when i said how can you just watch me do everything, i know weekends are for relaxing but exactly when does my weekend start and end. so he went upstairs and went on the laptop. safe to say we fell out yesterday.

I'm on maternity leave at the minute, but with a baby in the house there is always washing to be done and mess to be cleaned up, I didn't purposely save up all the housework to see if he would offer to do it, it just worked out that once I started on one task it reminded me of another one that had to be done and so on.

Yes I am grateful that he is supportive the rest of the year and that it is better than treating me like shit and spending loads on one day, that's why I stated in my original post that I do realise I am probably being a bit unreasonable, but that's the beauty of the internet, it gives you a place to get things off your chest. I have told him that I am slightly hurt but don't want to keep going on about it to him, just wanted to post on here as a sort of closure on it I suppose.

YABU

He loves you, he cares for you, he goes out and earns money to provide for you and your dd, and he marked the Mothers Day occasion with a teddy bear. If you need more than that from your husband, then it may be more about your own insecurities than it is about how much value your dh puts on Mothers Day.

Well he asked what you wanted, but didn´t have to get it.

I´m also of the "pampering not presents" stance.

Flowers &/or choccies or some crap lovely thing made by the child(ren) excepted, of course.

Maybe he thought that a teddy was appropriate for a baby to mother?

he needs a realkick up the bum, you are not being u to expexct that dh makes the effort, it took years to get my dh to tow the line re card and gifts (still have to make a list thouhj???grrrr) he needs to know how you feel and that you feel let down, you should have had a first mothers day card and at least a ly in, hunndy needsd boot camp, tell him he has to take responsibility for mil and fil gifts it will make him think twice, don't think he was being nasty though just lazyxxx

YANBU but I think you have taught something on this occasion ! I have been a mum for 7 years now and yesterday was the best mother's day ever ! Why ? Because I had no expectation at all !!! The dds gave me lovely cards, I have stayed in bed for a lie in and requested a breakfast in bed then we all went to the restaurant (I booked the table myself) then a lovely walk in the park then back home for a dvd !

This day was all planned by me and everything went according to MY plan !

Sorry for my bad english, I have meant I think you have learned something !

I don't like Mothers Day at all, too much expectation there and it leads to so much stress and disappointment to all concerned.

However, I remember when I was a new mum and it was the first Mother's (Mothers'? Mothers?) Day for me and it kind of seemed like a big deal at the time. So YANBU in that respect. I too was disappointed that dh didn't acknowledge it the way I'd have liked him to. Now that I'm older and wiser all I want is for my children to appreciate me all the time, and they do, so I don't give a crap about MD.

"it took years to get my dh to tow the line re card and gifts (still have to make a list thouhj???grrrr) "

WTF? Tow the line? Well it should be "toe the line" actually. But you actually force your DH to buy stuff for you? The only stuff a DH should be buying on Mothering Sunday is something for HIS mother.

i wonder if all those who "made" their husbands go and get something, enjoyed the gift/card

i know i wouldnt. If it wasnt given with thought and love, no point in having it

mind you, i guess some just like to brag to their mates about "what they got" so meh!

My youngest got theirs from the school secret shop, so they picked them completely on their own. They were sooooo excited about giving my presents to me; I will really treasure them and it was lovely to see what they'd picked.

In contrast, our eldest is now too old for the secret shop and couldn't be bothered to go shopping for me. So DH pretty much forced him to go shopping with him to pick something. That present therefore means bugger all .

YANBU! Of course it is a day about children showing their appreciation to their mother but as your little one is so small her father should have done something on her behalf. Its the thought that counts and that which was lacking - which I think does come across in your post. Kick his ass, he did virtually zilch, did he even stand up from his desk at work? Sometimes it takes a bit longer for the parental penny to drop for dads.

Ok, so this is what you do next Father's Day:

• Buy a cheap present, there must be something at the supermarket counter you can pick up for a pound.
• Sleep in as long as you can get away with. When baby wakes, pick her out of the bed and plant her in DH's arms.
• Settle yourself on the sofa and tell DH that you will celebrate Father's day exactly how Mother's day was done: by watching him do the housework. Act clueless if he complains - surely if it was good enough for Mother's Day it's good enough for Father's Day?

I totally understand why you're upset, I would have been too.

However, I also think that he probably didn't understand how much mothers day meant to you. He probably just thought that as you're not HIS mother and as your baby is still so small, that he didn't have to put much effort in.

For the record, my DH bought me a hideous 'angel' teddy for my first mothers day, which I was less than impressed with at the time. Now though, I keep it by my bed and it reminds me of when DS1 was a baby

Genuine question for the people who have said that husbands should not be buying anything for wives, only their own mums, does that mean that those of us whose DC's are too young to sort anything out for themselves should expect not to be recognised as a mother at all on mothers day?

I don't think it's about the present so much but he should have made an effort. A lay-in is standard as is a cup of tea (breakfast too would be nice) in bed. He may just not realise so point it out to him.

does that mean that those of us whose DC's are too young to sort anything out for themselves should expect not to be recognised as a mother at all on mothers day?

No that's rubbish. Husbands should buy the present/card on behalf of small children and when they are old enough should go to the shop as well so they can chose (even if they chose something weird).

I think your DH should have made a bit more fuss of you and certainly to have helped more around the house, but the idea of you specifying a particular present makes me a bit uncomfortable: having to spell out what you want is at odds with the spirit of gift-giving in my view: you're more than entitled to try it on but you can't expect to guilt trip someone if they decide to choose something else. But it occurs to me that had you not spelled out exactly what you wanted, making it feel like a transaction, he may have been more inclined to surprise you with something spontaneous.