AIBU to think that exs wife is not my kids stepmum !!!

[bustersgirl]

My ex's wife has spent less than a day with my 4 kids in the last 6 months, yet he still sees her as there loving step mum ( she truely can't be arsed with them ) AIBU to think that just because your married to someone it don't make them a parent ( if you see what i mean ) ?

Technically speaking, she is. Emotionally speaking, she isn't.

I think you become a stepmum as the relationship with the child or children develops and very much depends on what your role in their life is. I don't think being married to their Dad makes a difference.

Hard one. DS hasn't seen his dad for 4 yrs. (his fathers doing). His father is getting marrried soon and his wife will 'technically' be his stepmum. I will just refer to her by her name though. and him as twuntex dad.

What else is she then? Do you have any other (polite) names she could be called? It says what it needs to say surely... the wife of their father. Do you have an idea of how long a qualifying period she might need for her title?

shes your exs wife not their stepmum

I suppose it is just a name. Many men are fathers and have never spent time with their children.

I know people who spend a lot of time looking after their partner's children, but don't call themselves a step mum, because they feel their role is different to that of a parent.

I don't think being called a stepmum implies anything about the strength) or lack of it) of a relationship.

Over my dead body will she ever be called anything that resembles mum / stepmum . . . My children told me they were made to sleep in the living room because she didn't want them in her childs room !!! And that if they have a hot lunch ( even if it ment noodles / sausage roll ) they had to make do with sandwiches for dinner !!!

I have always seen a stepMum as a replacement if the realMother has died and I would NEVER accept the term while I lived. I am not seperated btw....just cannot see the reasoning behind the term if the real Mother is alive

Surely their sleeping arrangements and what they eat are down to your ex. Why blame his wife for these things?

why the hell is your ex with her, blame him not her.

Are you able to discuss the issues with your ex?

And that if they have a hot lunch ( even if it ment noodles / sausage roll ) they had to make do with sandwiches for dinner !!!

If that is all everyone else is having, what on earth is the problem with that?

RAINBOWINTHESKY / TRALALALA. . . My ex is a twat but thats another story, He goes along with everything she says.

My step-daughter used to plead to sleep in the lounge, even though she had a perfectly good bed. It meant she could watch TV once we'd gone to sleep. I'm wondering now if she told her mum that I made her. Might explain why she hated me .

SQUEAKYTOY . . . When she saw them it was only 1 day a week (not even a full day) and if i cook decent meals for them every day why can't she ? Because she is too lazy !!!

Why should she cook for them? Surely it's their father's job? WHy blame her? Is it because she has a vagina and therefore cooking and bedding automatically fall to her?

MILLYR I've tried but he can't see any problems (before her he used to share a bed with 2 of our LO's because he didn't want to pay for real beds for them )... that sort of shows what sort of man he is.

how old are the children

RAINBOWINTHESKY. . . True but as a woman with another child shouldn't she treat all the children the same?

I agree with rainbow re. the cooking & sleeping arrangements.

FWIW - if my dd has had a cooked lunch at school, I don't always cook for her again in the evening.

Technically, she is their step-mother, but I can hear how angry and sad it makes you to consider that.

I'm also really sorry to say that I don't think you get a say in what they call her. It's up to them.

LOULOUDIA. . . between the ages of 5 and 10

agree with littlefish

the children will come to their own arrangement what they feel comfortable calling her