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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that exs wife is not my kids stepmum !!!

63 replies

bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:01

My ex's wife has spent less than a day with my 4 kids in the last 6 months, yet he still sees her as there loving step mum ( she truely can't be arsed with them ) AIBU to think that just because your married to someone it don't make them a parent ( if you see what i mean ) ?

OP posts:
GoldenHaze · 03/04/2011 21:34

YANBU.

I'm in theory step-mum, but I don't think of it like that at all. DP's DS has a mum. He doesn't need or want another mum!

I take responsibility with him, as any other adult relative would, but that's not being a mum

My dad re-married, so I technically have a step-mum and two step-brothers, but it's just daft and I'd never refer to them as such. I have a mum and a brother of my own already!

rainbowinthesky · 03/04/2011 21:34

She's spent elss than a day with your 4 kids in the last 6 months. I dont see why their care has to fall to her. 4 kids is a lot and it's down to their father to care for them, not her. Your anger seems misdirected.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:34

LITTLEFISH. . . They don't want to call her step mum but he is pushing on them. I have a partner and the kids either call him by his first name or daddy / dad but that has been there choice.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 03/04/2011 21:35

I assume your partner does the cooking, laundry etc.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:38

RAINBOWINTHESKY... before the last 6 months it was once a week ( but then stuff happened between her and ex, so the kids stopped seeing her - his fault not mine ). . . The care shouldn't fall to her but when it does shouldn't she try and do her best.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/04/2011 21:39

Maybe she isnt a good cook? A meal doesnt need to be hot to be nutritious. It also does not mean she is lazy either.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:41

Yes my partner does :-) cooking, washing, bathing, cleans up when they sick, tidys up after them. . . We share the resonsiblity of the 4 children.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 03/04/2011 21:41

YABU

She is their stepmother, like it or lump it.

Sorry.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:43

Squeakytoy. . . the sandwiches were jam ( yack ). If my LOs have sandwiches at home they have salad and fruit withn them.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 03/04/2011 21:46

Yes but they weren't in your home, they were in hers and if she makes jam sandwiches..what's wrong with that as long as they eat them?

What is your relationship like with her on a one on one basis? Do you and her talk much?

squeakytoy · 03/04/2011 21:46

Maybe they actually enjoyed the jam sandwiches! Perhaps they were offered a choice and that is what they chose.

You do sound incredibly bitter about this woman I'm afraid, and that is clouding your judgement.

Bearinthebigwoohouse · 03/04/2011 21:46

So are your children getting different meals to hers?

Classwar · 03/04/2011 21:49

Your partner isn't their Dad either.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:50

I don't see this woman, And my LOs wouldn't have choosen jam sandwiches.

Yes my LOs did say they were given different food to hers.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/04/2011 21:51

Legally she is their step mother, you may not like the way she is filling the role but she is their step mother and always will be as long as she is married to your ex.

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 21:51

Classwar... It was my childrens choice to call my partner dad.

OP posts:
DaisyDaresYOU · 03/04/2011 21:52

My dad has a wife.Thats how I have always refered to her as.She will never be my stepmum.I think its an insult to step parents that actually love and care for thier step children

worraliberty · 03/04/2011 21:53

Why wouldn't they have chosen jam sandwiches if they like them?

I think it would be a good idea for you to perhaps extend the olive branch a little. Maybe ask her round for coffee or something? Do any of your DCs have a Birthday coming up? You could maybe invite her and your ex round.

You never know, you two might quite like each other and it has to be worth a try for the happiness of the kids surely? Smile

Littlefish · 03/04/2011 21:54

You're making a huge deal out of the food thing. So she gave them sandwiches. There could be loads of reasons why. It won't kill them. They won't starve.

You seem so, so angry about her. Are you equally angry with your ex? Is there any counselling you could access to help you deal with this?

Bearinthebigwoohouse · 03/04/2011 21:55

Yes, getting jam sandwiches aren't that big a deal IMO, unless everyone else is sitting down to a take-away or big meal that they aren't being offered.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 03/04/2011 22:01

i like jam sandwiches, so do my little ones Smile

worraliberty · 03/04/2011 22:03

If my youngest got jam sandwiches, she'd never get rid of him...he'd want to stay there forever!

Original poster
bustersgirl · 03/04/2011 22:03

WORRALIBERTY... I have tried inviting her to partys but shes either not turned up or given really bad excuses to why her and her LO can't come.

.................................................................................................
And yes i do make a big thing out of the food thing, me and my OH feed them decent meals day in day out, so is it so hard that when they have them thet feed them good food.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 03/04/2011 22:08

She's seen your kids for less than a day in the last 6 months so it's not like she makes them many sandwiches is it? Why are you obsessing over that? Confused

Bearinthebigwoohouse · 03/04/2011 22:12

One of the things you have to accept when your children go to the other parent's is that things won't necessarily be done how you would.