Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly gobsmacked (build a bear party)

54 replies

macdoodle · 03/04/2011 16:07

Best friends DD has gone to a (9th) birthday party today at build a bear.
She had to drop her into the middle of town - so pay for parking. They will be getting the train home.
But gobsmackingly, they were told (at school via the birthday girl, no communication from the mum), that they had to bring £20 with! Shock
When best friend queried this with the mum on arrival, was told yes they needed £20, as that was what was agreed with the birthday girl, for extra's Shock
So we assume, the mum is paying for the basic bear and party, but is expecting the parents to pay for the extras.
This was not discussed or mentioned by the mum in the run up to the party. And would you want your child to be the only one not having the extra's.
It was only 5/6 girls invited, so surely they should have stuck to an amount they could afford. You don't ask people to contribute to a party surely?? So parking, present and card, and fecking £20! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 03/04/2011 16:08

£20 is a lot of money to expect people to just shell out.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 03/04/2011 16:08

Bloody hell I'd have gone mad at the mum. What a silly idea

worraliberty · 03/04/2011 16:09

What is build a bear? I've seen it mentioned on here before, but other than that I've never heard of it.

shushpenfold · 03/04/2011 16:09

No - YANBU. They book a damn expensive party, they pay, END OF. Are you sure that this came from the parents though - it could have been the girls talking and deciding between themselves.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 03/04/2011 16:09

No, that's not on. If you are going to have a show-offy party like a BABW Party, then you should bloody well pay for it all yourself. It's not fair on the parents of the children you have invited.

So no, YANBU.

violethill · 03/04/2011 16:10

That's bloody ridiculous, and very unfair on her dd, because it will backfire - all these parents will steer clear of any future invitations

Original poster
macdoodle · 03/04/2011 16:14

It was definitely the mum, my best friend thought it might be the girls. So went in and checked with mum, who said yes they need the money because thats what the birthday girl wanted on extra's.
The mum has a reputation for being very soft on the girl, who is I am afraid rather spoilt.
Thank god my DD wasn't invited, I wouldn't have let her go, and made damn sure mum knew why.

OP posts:
lockets · 03/04/2011 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vjg13 · 03/04/2011 16:16

I think it would be wrong to expect any parents to pay any extra let alone £20.

prettypurpledaisy · 03/04/2011 16:21

My DD went to a party where she had to pay £20 for the photography studio and then pay for her own meal afterwards. I was stunned that the mum thought this was ok, I only found out when DD ran back to the car to ask for the money, she was already there so I felt pressured into it. Ended up £30 for meal and party plus pressie and card.
I would be too embarassed to ask for money, if I couldn't fund it I would not have it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/04/2011 16:21

A friend's DD had a BAB party and the staff were really good at keeping it within budget. The kids chose more expensive bears (before the party started) so the staff just offered them t-shirts rather than a whole outfit to keep the cost similar. They rigged it so the birthday girl got the outfit for her bear. I was quite impressed as they could have stung the parents for loads of extra money.

I'd be really annoyed and only give DD what I could spare (or at 9yo she'd need to take her own pocket money). I'd probably also ask the parents when I dropped DD off and if it is truly the case (and not just girls talking), then DD wouldn't be going again.

Underachieving · 03/04/2011 16:27

Worra this is Build a Bear

charmum3 · 03/04/2011 16:35

what a bludy cheek, ino you either pay for a party or don't have one gggrrrr

ashamedandconfused · 03/04/2011 16:36

BAB is expensive, yes. My DC went a few weeks ago and spent some birthday money. their money their choice! even so we limited them to £20 each
when DD went with brownies they were told they could have £5 paid from subs, £15 we paid for trip and to bring any extra money if they wanted to

i think if you a re having this sort of party you need to either pay for it all, set a limit obv what each child can spend, or it needs to be up front with the parents, not via kids, about the extra ££ - even then, why do they feel they get to dictate how much extra you should send just cos thats what they ahve said their kid can have??

by the way we once did a DIY BAB party - bought bear skins with a zip, all the stuffing, lovely carry-home-bags, T shirts and pens to decorate them with and it was £6 a child all in!! it was called be my bear if anyone wants to look

bruffin · 03/04/2011 16:37

We had a build a bear party for DD in hamleys and it waslovely
We wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone to bring money
Just laid out from the beginning what they were allowed to have ie bear with voice box and little tshirt
DD wasnt allowed to have anything extra either

muddyangels123 · 03/04/2011 16:39

My friends DD had a party at BAB and it ended up costing her £300.

geordieminx · 03/04/2011 16:45

We have been on a couple of times when they have had parties on... Looks like it could be very expensive for what doesn't amount to very much

Skinit · 03/04/2011 16:51

In my experience the staff know your budget per child and make them stick to it..the woman may have wanted the extra for pizza afterwards or someing...but that's not twenty quid! How weird!

elphabadefiesgravity · 03/04/2011 16:54

Surely the whole point with a build a bear is that once you have the basic bear you can buy extra outifits and accessories at any time. Dd has one and saves up her pocketmoney if she want a particular outfit.

Totally out of order from the birthday mmu.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 03/04/2011 17:14

Bloody Cheek!
Id have told them to bugger off!
BABW is my least favourite place in the world EVER. It like HELL!
Even Dante couldnt have conjoured up something like that!

Groovee · 03/04/2011 17:50

That's ridiculous!

2 girls in Dd's class had a joint party. The children were told at the begining that they were only allowed 1 type of bear and then the 2 mums took them all to Mcdonald's and they had cake there too. It seemed perfectly reasonable to me. I would have told the mum that she should have thought about the extra's in the invites.

unfitmother · 03/04/2011 17:53

That's terrible!

Lancelottie · 03/04/2011 17:57

Second vote for Be My Bear here, though I think it cost a bit more than that (but we had a mix of ages and sexes coming, so opted for a range of beasties rather than just bears). Still well under a tenner a child, though, and they were more than patient when I rang to change the order details twice in one day...

flyingspaghettimonster · 03/04/2011 17:58

WOW, YANBU, they are. We have done over-priced, frivilous parties and have always paid all the costs - in one case we said parents and other siblings were welcome thinking that only kids were charged for - we ended up with over 100 people and were charged per person, not per kid... we just took the hit as it was our fault, we couldn't ask the guests to buy their own entrance into the farm...

I would tell the Mum next time I saw her that it was not acceptable.

heliumballoons · 03/04/2011 18:01

Shock YANBU. DS has a BAB as GP's bought a voucher for xmas for him. Any extras he wants he saves for or my M&d or Sis t\ke him and give him a limit.

I couldn't afford £20 so quite simply my DS would have had to been taken home. Sad