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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly gobsmacked (build a bear party)

54 replies

macdoodle · 03/04/2011 16:07

Best friends DD has gone to a (9th) birthday party today at build a bear.
She had to drop her into the middle of town - so pay for parking. They will be getting the train home.
But gobsmackingly, they were told (at school via the birthday girl, no communication from the mum), that they had to bring £20 with! Shock
When best friend queried this with the mum on arrival, was told yes they needed £20, as that was what was agreed with the birthday girl, for extra's Shock
So we assume, the mum is paying for the basic bear and party, but is expecting the parents to pay for the extras.
This was not discussed or mentioned by the mum in the run up to the party. And would you want your child to be the only one not having the extra's.
It was only 5/6 girls invited, so surely they should have stuck to an amount they could afford. You don't ask people to contribute to a party surely?? So parking, present and card, and fecking £20! AIBU?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 03/04/2011 18:07

Yanbu at all.

She will forever be known as the mum who made everyone fork out 20 quid for her kids party.

Rude bitch.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 18:13

What a cheek, she should have put that on the invite, so that you have the option of not going to the party, not just throw that in at the last minute. How rude! You can get bear clothes for a fraction of the price of e bay.

DilysPrice · 03/04/2011 18:13

Very tempted by that Be My Bear thing - DD would love it, but it wouldn't be as crazily ostentatious as Build a Bear.
We could get some fabric pens and they could decorate the bears' T shirts - where do you reckon would be the cheapest place to get a bulk pack of teddy-sized Tshirts? EBay I guess.

Ellie4 · 03/04/2011 18:28

I just checked out the website about parties there and it states that accessories (sp?) cost from 1 - 13 pounds so maybe your friend was asked to contribute for more than just the accessories.

Definately bang out of order to get guests to contribute to party cost and even worse that it wasn't put on the invitation which would have given parents the chance to decline.

bubblecoral · 03/04/2011 18:38

Very rude. I hope someone pulls her on it!

FABsBackAndIsWell · 03/04/2011 18:45

I think the be my bear must be what DD has from a party she went too. IMO they are much nicer than the BAB bears.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/04/2011 18:52

Oh FFS I really hope this doesn't happen to DS at ay point - mind you I don't think 7 year old boys are generally as likely to go in for BAB parties so maybe we will escape. THing is, if htat had happened, I would have been in the awful position of having to take DS home on the day, as I would simply not have had £20 to give him.

LynetteScavo · 03/04/2011 18:57

Don't just the bears pants cost £5? Hmm I was well and truly fleeced at build a bear once. Grin

This mum has done herself no favours in the popularity stakes. I mean you just don't do this. What next, a bowling party where people have to pay for their own food? Hmm

Hulababy · 03/04/2011 19:00

You can't ask party guests to cough up £20 each in order to come!!! I am so shocked she did just that. Disgraceful behaviour ont he party of the mum.

You chose and pay for a party that YOU can afford. Guests shouldn't have to bring any money with them.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 19:02

So did any parent refuse OP, if they they did serves her right, it would be good if all refused, that would have taught her. There were only 6 she should have got her card out and paid.

tallwivglasses · 03/04/2011 19:03

I'm flabbergasted.

In my day the only outlay was £3-£5 for a present. You finished up with tat in a bag and a big lump of cake. Perfect.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 19:03

What if parents did not have that cash on them, would they have been made to go to the cash machine Shock

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 19:04

tat thats how it is now, well the parties dd has gone to anyway, she is 4 though.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 19:05

sorry meant tallwith not tat Blush

expatinscotland · 03/04/2011 20:02

I've heard of parties for children that age where the invite actually mentions to give the kid cash as a gift!

Dropping someone in it like the birthday girl in the OP is just cheek beyond belief!

We have three children and are low-income/working poor, there's no way we could afford £20 like that! I wouldn't even have it on me. Nor would DH. And at some times of the month, we don't have it to spare at all! I'd have had to turn around with my child and go home!

Mine have a few Build-a-Bears, but only one was purchased full-price. The rest were given as gifts or scored on Ebay for a fiver. A good friend gave the DDs a load of clothes and accessories her own children had outgrown and my sister's teenage girls also gave them a load of stuff, so we don't buy it at all. But I'd sew it.

tallwivglasses · 03/04/2011 20:53

I'm glad. piglet. Smile Maybe we should have a bring-back-the-traditional-party campaign...

poorbuthappy · 03/04/2011 21:16

We had a traditional party for dd1 last year. Well traditional as in party games and food. The plus point for parents was that it was in the pub! Unsuprisingly only 1 parent left their kid, all the other decided to stay and join in with the "festivities". Wink

expatinscotland · 03/04/2011 21:26

Thankfully, all the parties round here are 'traditional'.

Bluebell99 · 03/04/2011 21:32

My dd has had two parties there. The first yr we set the limit at £20, and second yr £15. One of the mum's complained to me that her dd had said the limit would be £20! I said she was welcome to bring extra pocket money as at least one of the other children had said she would, but she said she didn't want to. I thought she was pretty cheeky complaining I wasn't spending enough on her dd! This yr we had a cinema party and pizza, but dd would like to have another build a bear party.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 21:36

We recently had a MacDonalds party for dd who turned 4 in March, just £35 it cost us for food, party bags, cake and decoration, for 9 kids. The party room was free, and next to it had a mini soft play area, sorted, no need rent a hall, provide food, and rent a bouncy castle.

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 21:37

MacDonalds every year me thinks until dd says otherwise, she has ASD so is not that fussed Smile

mamasmissionimpossible · 03/04/2011 21:51

My ds has been asked to a BAB party next week. I really hope we won't be asked to stump up £20 for something that I know will gather dust after a week.

A1980 · 03/04/2011 22:13

YABU at all!

That is such a piss take. Build a Bear parties are shite anyway. When I've been in there to buy gifts Ive often seen parties in progress, they're shite! Who wants a party in a busy shop, tripping over other shoppers.

herbietea · 03/04/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VivaLeBeaver · 03/04/2011 22:32

YANBU.

I did a build a bear party for DD. She was only allowed 3 friends because of the costs. I told them all they had a £20 budget each which was enough for a bear and an outfit. I weakened slightly and let them all get a bear passport and necklace as well so I think cost was between £20-£25 each. But I paid for the lot, bear was instead of a party bag though!

No way would I have expected parents to pay.

We didn't do a proper party as you need at least 6 kids for that. I just took them and helped them choose bears. The actual party doesn't include food so you just get a teenager who sings some songs with them. I decided I could manage without.