Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention to DDs teacher that a classmate appears to have hygiene issues

115 replies

Crazybit · 03/04/2011 13:04

or shall I mind my own business?

DD1 is in year 6 and is always mentioning that a girl in her glass stinks. I feel really sorry for the girl. Her mum doesn't seem the type of person I could approach so would it be really wrong to mention it to DDs teacher and perhaps suggest a little chat with the whole class about the importance of person hygiene? I also wonder if the girl has an infection of some type as DD says she smells of fish and her knickers are often black from urine, I assumed meaning she hasn't wiped after going to the loo.

Or should I keep stum and tell DD to stop being so horrible and keep her mouth shut about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazybit · 03/04/2011 13:19

TBH Worra-from what I can gather, the cousins mum has also had a discussion with DD about it!! DD isn't here atm, so I can't clarify for definate.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/04/2011 13:20

That's the Right Thing to do I think, op.

Flisspaps · 03/04/2011 13:22

Definitely speak to the teacher.

I know that when we had our chat from the Tampax Lady (think it was Y6) part of what was included was a chat about BO and hygiene as well as the basics of menstruation.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:22

whether or not you have a word with the teacher is not going to make a bit of difference...it is the teachers job to notice these things...am sik of ppl assuming they know better....it is also called a confidential policy and it will make you look like an interfering guttersnipe.....

BuntyPenfold · 03/04/2011 13:24

I would have a private word with the teacher, in case the issue is being ignored. Or what if it was an inexperienced teacher, or a male teacher who doesn't like to say something, or a teacher with no sense of smell?
Of course remind your child to be kind if necessary, but it isn't unkind for her to tell you, her mother, of this child's problem. It is only natural for her to speak to her mother about her concerns, not unkind or nosey.

Original poster
Crazybit · 03/04/2011 13:25

Doormat-I do not assume I know better. I'm worried for the poor girl and TBH I would rather be seen as an interfeering guttersnipe than turn a blind eye to something that I believe could be harmful.

OHs mum is a teacher, albeit at a secondary school, she is coming later so will ask her what she thinks.

OP posts:
cybbo · 03/04/2011 13:25

doormat in Year 6 a teacher may not notice things about a girl such as the state of her knickers, more likely in lower years where kids get changed for PE etc

Its how its mentioned that is important, the OP is clearly concerned

lesley33 · 03/04/2011 13:26

Just in case it is the illness where wmen smell of fish - I'm sure I have read that not everyone can smell this. Whether you can or not is genetic. So if the girl had this, the teacher may not be able to smell it and so wouldn't have done anything. I think you need to have a discrete word with the teacher and then leave it up to the teacher about the best way to deal with this.

TheSecondComing · 03/04/2011 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PonceyMcPonce · 03/04/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:29

really crazy u r making an assumption that u know better and the teacher hasnt noticed....this could of been a one off remark that has been elevated by young kids in bullying mode....and you havent asked what other posters have asked and that is how do they know the colour of her knicks....

cybbo a teacher will notice...they will also notice what is going on and that a bit of bullying is going on....

kids r kids and mud sticks unfortunately

Original poster
Crazybit · 03/04/2011 13:30

Thanks Lesleyy33 that is interesting. Not sure I should say that though, makes me look like I've spent too much time researching it!

I wasn't intending on giving her names, although she may know who I'm referring to. I'm sure the girl must be aware too as DD said the boys have made nast comments before now. I just think that she will have enough to worry about when she goes to secondary school, without this type of thing hanging over her, and let's face it, there are a lot more children at secondary who will probably have no qualms about letting her know if she smells.

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 03/04/2011 13:30

I don't see how the OPs concern for an apparently neglected child makes her an interfering guttersnipe.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:32

poncey i am not uninformed i work with children...i know the system, i have all the quals and more including child protection and safeguarding...

i am sure the staff r doing there job unless it is is haringley council....

ninah · 03/04/2011 13:32

I would def mention to teacher
in fact a friend of mine in this situation did exactly that, mentioned in confidence and the situation was resolved

amerryscot · 03/04/2011 13:32

The teacher will have already noticed.

However, if you suspect a child protection issue (neglect, in this case), it is your duty to follow up. Don't assume that someone else has done this. The school will have a CPLO who can hear your concerns.

cybbo · 03/04/2011 13:34

doormat teachers do not notice LOTS of things unless they are pointed out. They have 30 children in their care. But so what if he/she's already noticed? Isnt it right that a concerned adult speaks up about their concerns about a child? No one is finger pointing

you are very bolshy!

Original poster
Crazybit · 03/04/2011 13:35

Doormat-I have answered the question about the knickers, read the thread.
I also stated that I do not know how true it is, but I am hardly going to try and verify it for myself now am I.

Thesecond/Worra-I don't believe DD or the cousin are being nasty about it, they seem more concerned about it tbh. BUT even if they are being nasty about it, it has been mentioned several times, not just the once and so I feel like I should do something just in case.

OP posts:
PonceyMcPonce · 03/04/2011 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:40

cybbo...it is r job to notice...and if we dont its called getting the boot...i dont mean to come across bolshy and there is no offence intended..am sorry if this comes out but it is not the case....i am really a nice person...

this thing annoys me as we do r jobs...if they havent done their job they must be held accountable....

i am a nursery nurse and u will be very suprised how many children come into nurseries stinking..even after getting a bath in the morning...we do not make assumptions that they are being neglected unless there are other issue relating to this...ppl wouldnt like the thought of this with their child would they but believe me it happens...we cannot pass judgement

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 13:41

I think a discreet word to the teacher is a good idea, the child has a problem and needs help if everyone involved is telling the truth.
Just don't expect to have further input or to be kept 'in the loop'

cybbo · 03/04/2011 13:42

Yes but if a parent kindly pointed out to you that another child smelt you would take that information on board and decide how to deal with it. No judgements

I work with children too FWIW. No one is saying the teacher isnt doing their job, or would point the finger that they hadn't noticed.

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 13:43

Doormat, at 11 the child needs to be taught how to take care of herself. If the input isn't coming from home, the school have to get involved. School nurse is often the first point of reference.

PonceyMcPonce · 03/04/2011 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:48

i agree goblin...school nurse should be there...

cybbo no i wouldnt to be fair....

crazy if u really want to mention it...i would put it on the understanding that you fear the child is being BULLIED because of hygeine issues and leave it at that....dont go into the nitty gritty of black knicks etc...