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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

teen mums? really...

76 replies

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 01/04/2011 21:40

Ok i know thread about a thread, bad.

but im curious.

I was a teen mum, 18 when ds arrived, dp worked fulltime we privately rented a house and were comfortable. We had dd 16mnths later. I worked where and as i could around the children doing things like avon and temping in a preschool when i could. When dd turned two our world collapsed and now 4mnths later we have nothing...

So what i ask is, Now my familys fallen on bad times and we are homeless and broke are we crappy teen parents who ''shouldnt have had kids if we couldnt support them''

could this have not happened to a couple of older parents?

(fwiw i start training for my new job next week and dp is shortlisted for two new jobs too, we work our buts off)

or does being a younger parent mean im always going to be judged to be like some small minority to have life handed to them on a plate and get pregnant to live off the tax payer.

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 01/04/2011 21:45

You'll only be judged by nobbers.

Ignore them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2011 21:45

I followed your earlier threads. You are having a hard time and I hope things get better soon. YANBU.

honeybehappy · 01/04/2011 21:49

it can happen to anybody, it happened to us 2 years ago. DH lost his job our dd's were 1 and nearly 3. Homeless and broke.

I glanced at the OP earliar and i can't be arsed to read threads like that. In my opinion if people can't say anything nice then they shouldnt say anything at all. Obviously people are entilted to their own opinions and people love to judge others...let them get on with it.

I really hope things get better for you soon.

nailak · 01/04/2011 21:52

not everyone thinks like that, you never know what the future holds, and short of forcin people to have abortions what can be done? teen mums can be just #as ood, i know a lady who had her first kid at 17 and now has 4 under 4's (twins) but to look at her she is just a normal mother, i didnt even realise her ae!

it is normal for youn women to have babies and not a criminal offence imo

AgentZigzag · 01/04/2011 21:54

It was just a wind up thread wasn't it?

Does the opinion of someone who thinks like that really matter?

I agree that it can happen like that to any time, whatever age they are.

You definately don't have to justify why you're having a tough time.

CheerfulYank · 01/04/2011 21:56

I have known wonderful teenage mothers and crap ones, I have known wonderful older parents and crap ones.

I wouldn't judge. I'm sorry you're going through such hard times! :(

Bringonthegoat · 01/04/2011 21:59

Yes there will always be judgmental losers out there. You have paid in and now need some help - that is what the system is for. I have paid in all my life and now get some tax credits as a LP. amazing what some of my own friends think about 'single mums'. Predjudice comes from ignorance - challenge it.

YANBU to think this could've happened to anyone at any age. Hope things change for the better soon.

tethersend · 01/04/2011 22:00

Where did t'other thread go?

Bringonthegoat · 01/04/2011 22:01

tethers -Imagine it was deleted as OP was a vitriolic cunt

tethersend · 01/04/2011 22:07

But it's Friday!

What's a Friday night without a vitriolic cunt to ignore?

Everyone was talking about oatcakes and squirrel fleas and she got so frustrated she tried to join in the derailment of her own thread.

Back to S&B for me.

iwantadogbutarabbitwoulddo · 01/04/2011 22:08

i was enjoying that thread too :(

usualsuspect · 01/04/2011 22:09

I missed it

StayFrosty · 01/04/2011 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend · 01/04/2011 22:15

usual Sad

We could have made up the full fucking moron trio. Shirley was there.

I'm beginning to think we'll never be reunited.

usualsuspect · 01/04/2011 22:17

Well me and shirley were on a thread ..where were you ?

Tortington · 01/04/2011 22:18

yes it could have happened to older parents.

but i think the question is - is being a teen parent the ideal?

no, it's not.

that doesn't mean they can't be good parents.

but its something i don't think we in society should strive to normailise

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 01/04/2011 22:31

custardo i completely agree, as i strive to make sure my two enjoy being young and understand i have no regrets having them BUT they need to have fun make mistakes and stretch there wings first.
thanks for the lovely comments

OP posts:
tethersend · 01/04/2011 22:40

I am doomed to walk alone, usual, catching brief glimpses of the two of you laughing and cheering with my nose pressed up against the cold, hard glass.

Underachieving · 01/04/2011 23:47

I was a teenage Mum. It was my experience that there will always be some dickhead ready to pronounce you less worthy than they. I find these days I am bored with turning the other cheek and wont suffer fools at all, let alone gladly. It saves a lot of bother in the long run I find. Try it, you might like it.

I'm sorry for whatever caused your world to fall apart, but I'd bet whatever it was also happens to older people.

usualsuspect · 02/04/2011 00:14

well tethers ..what can I say

3s a crowd

everthebeliver · 02/04/2011 00:28

yanbu, ignore any negative comments here and in RL. You, your dp and your dc's are as worthy as the next person. I hope things sort themselves out for you all xx

MillyR · 02/04/2011 00:33

I think that for some people the ideal time to become a parent is in their teens, and for some other people the ideal time is in their twenties or thirties.

The problem is that however good a parent you are, there will always be someone who will take issue with your choices. You just have to see it as their problem, not yours.

Tortington · 02/04/2011 00:34

its rarely ideal to become pregnant in your teens - unless there is some medial reason

LDNmummy · 02/04/2011 00:36

Custardo I agree with you. But I think the problem here is the stigmatization of teen parent's. This stigma pushes teen mothers especially to the outer fringes of society and makes them untouchable's, so to speak. It makes their live's harder and thusly their children's live's harder. It also creates a self fulfilling prophecy or a downward spiral via stress, depression and eventually seeing one's self as this social parriah. This is then passed down to the children who face stigmatization as the offspring of teen parent's, especially in single parent families.

MillyR · 02/04/2011 00:36

I disagree, and will certainly be telling my kids to ignore all the hysteria over teen pregnancy. If they want to have children in their teens, I will support them in any way I can.

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