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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the mother's day service at big school today was out of order being soooooo sexist?

71 replies

deaconblue · 01/04/2011 13:58

The children did a kind of poem thing that was all about mum being great at:
making beds
ironing
cooking
cleaning up after us
hugs and kisses (don't mind this bit but the rest has me going grrrrrrrrr)

was surprised that the female teachers hadn't tried a bit harder to get the children to appreciate their mums for stuff that was a little less Stepford Wife

OP posts:
Chaotica · 01/04/2011 14:00

YANBU

I can imagine my own mother standing up to say something about that (don't know whether I'd have had the nerve though).

ivykaty44 · 01/04/2011 14:00

then write a letter to the head and let them know what you think to the mysoginist crap poem they wrote, only don't be as agressive as I would be Grin

Original poster
deaconblue · 01/04/2011 14:01

my friend and I just looked at each other like this Hmm and I did a little grrrrrr under my breath.

OP posts:
Iklboo · 01/04/2011 14:02

Maybe they asked the children themselves what they thought their mums did (not defending it, just a thought)?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/04/2011 14:02

Maybe they asked the children what things their mums were good at and that's what they said? Maybe that's what their mums do? Getting upset by this sort of thing is ridiculous and smacks of picking a fight over nothing.

Skinit · 01/04/2011 14:02

YANBU....the teacher who chose it chose badly...there are LOADS of poems about Mothers which are great...I would write to the head and ask that things like this are given decent consideration as perpetuating stereotypes isn't healthy

controlpantsandgladrags · 01/04/2011 14:02

was it a poem the children had written?

orangeeyebrows · 01/04/2011 14:03

dont you do those things then?

maybe when its fathers day they will say the same things

Carrotsandcelery · 01/04/2011 14:03

I am Shock! There are so many things a parent can be thanked for doing that don't involve sexist stereotypes.
I would calmly point this out to the head teacher for the future.

Skinit · 01/04/2011 14:04

Was it a "real" poem or one written by the kids? Even if the kids wrote it, that was a lost opportunity for the teacher to ask them some guiding questions..."What else do Mums do when they're not with you?"

Etc.

Skinit · 01/04/2011 14:04

I mean whilst they were writing it...not during the assembly!

Iklboo · 01/04/2011 14:04

Sorry, just read your full post - but this is the kind of things kids really appreciate as it sort of makes them feel safe & loved. I'm sure my DS would say something similar rather than 'she's one of the top performers in her team and has recently been selected to head up a special project for the CEO'.
(STILL not defending it - still just a thought)

Skinit · 01/04/2011 14:05

Oh Orange! Of COURSE they won't! They'll say

Daddy is funny
Daddy digs the garden
Daddy drives the car

And crap like that!

manicinsomniac · 01/04/2011 14:06

mmmm, I don't know, I think maybe you are being a bit unreasonable.

The teachers probably asked the children what their mums do and those were the answers. Those are the kinds of things that children see and appreciate their parents for. hey don't care that we go to work, they might not even know what we do. They care that they come home and get their tea cooked and uniform ironed. And, like or not, the majority of those tasks are still done by mums. Not saying it's right but that's what children will see because, statistically, that's how it still works. Not to mention that a huge percentage of children are from single parent families where it is nearly always mum doing everything. In many areas it would equally eye brow raising worthy to assume that there was a partner in the house.

Iklboo · 01/04/2011 14:07

At DS's school it's more likely to be:

Who?
Daddy turns up late on a Saturday & takes me to McDonalds
Daddy buys dirty beer & watches football

DurhamDurham · 01/04/2011 14:09

The children probably came up with the ideas, and what's wrong with that? I mean if they came up with those ideas that must be what they see their mums doing. I'm a benefits advisor but I doubt my children have much interest in that, it's not how they see me. I'm their mum.

If I'm going to be 'defined' I'd rather it be my children who did it rather than being defined by the job I do.

lazylula · 01/04/2011 14:10

I think it depends on the age of the children involved, if the 'poem' was written by them. I worked in a Reception class for 8 years and and those are the types of responses we would get from them if they were asked what their mums were good at. For dads we would get watching tv, mending things, other diy chores, sleeping ect. If it was written from the point of view of young children then it is probably what they see.

SandStorm · 01/04/2011 14:11

This all hinges on how old the children are and did they write the poem themselves?

If they wrote the poem then this is clearly how they see their mothers and in no way can the teacher be held responsible for the mother/child relationship. My year 5s wrote a poem about mum and I only censored one of them (for reasons that don't need explaining here). In some cases I hope those poems are a bit of a wake up call for the mum although obviously not in all.

If, on the other hand the teacher chose a published poem then yes, it should have focussed more on 'what mum is' rather than 'what mum does'.

woodsies1975 · 01/04/2011 14:12

The kids at DD's school sang a similar song this morning and although I would normally bauk at such things, I actually thought it was very sweet and took it in the spirit in which it was intended. My daughter was very excited about singing those songs to us all, and I was proud to watch her.

Carrotsandcelery · 01/04/2011 14:12

The teachers could have guided responses though to provide a more rounded picture of what a mum is - it doesn't need to be her job but it could be more about love, support, listening, kissing better, etc not about domestic drudgery!

lazylula · 01/04/2011 14:15

Re reading the OP it does sound like these ideas came from the children. What would you like to heard from the children? These are all things that a child will see day to day, so will be the first thing they will think of when asked what mummy does. I bet in some cases the teachers would have had to work hard to get them as often children think all parents do is sit and watch tv drinking tea (was a common response we got so encouraged them to think harder).

BreconBeBuggered · 01/04/2011 14:16

I've been annoyed by this kind of thing before. But kids are selfish little sods and don't give a fuck that you write great reports and have flawless taste in fine wines. I'd be admiring of the poetic licence if I got any accolades for being good at cleaning.

ivykaty44 · 01/04/2011 14:19

|I owuld like to hear that I am loving and kind and guide my children through life, that mothers help make us who we are and keep us safe, mothers know when we are sad and take time to listen to us

Not that I am a mean f*cker with an iron and can hoover really good Grin who gives a monkeys poo that I keep a clean house or not

lazylula · 01/04/2011 14:26

Ivykaty, depending on the age of the child, the things you want them to see are very hard things to see, but as they get older they will see them. If they are young children they see the physical things, the obvious things. The other thing they will see is the cuddles and kisses but the poem wouldn't have lasted long if 30 children said the same 2 things!

BeerTricksPotter · 01/04/2011 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.