AIBU to think WTF is going on?

[ScaredWorriedAndAngry]

We recently realised we may had been burgled my DH noticed weird notches and marks on our front door...so he called the police they came and confirmed that someone had definately been into our house and we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost..anyway the police officer asked to look upstairs so my husband said ok...when she cam back down the stairs she said 'how many children did you say you had?' my DH answered 2 ..she then said well why is there just 1 bed/mattress upstairs?' my DH explained that we will be buying a futon for them and that we are just in the middle of things.

now for some back-ground...my DDs bless their cotton socks are home-wreckers...they had a lovely IKEA bed but they jumped all over it and smashed the slats beyond repair..they have also dug holes in the walls and pulled off their own room door when they made a 'swing' on the handle amongst other things..unfortunately my DH is not a DIY person a nor am I...we chucked out the bed bits and just had the made up mattress on the floor (which they think is bluddy marvellous and like a 'sleep-over'),we have a new bed that we brought originally when we brought the first bed..but decided not to put it up because they might end up breaking it again, we decided to buy a double futon so they can jump as much as they want till we have set up DD2's room...

We have lived in the house for quite a while but we are really struggling with decorating and many things have gone wrong with the property,mould, bolier broken, man half fitted the kitchen and ran off with the money..plus other personal stuff.. so yes it looks a bit of a state decoration wise and at the moment we just don't have the time money or energy to sort everything out and it's also very cluttered not dirty..just messy...and we also have alot of wine bottles in bags in the kitchen because I'm too lazy to walk round to the bottle bank often enough (more fool me)...so it looks a bit much when I look at it from someone elses perspective..maybe they think we are drunks or something?

Well after they left and I came home my DH mentioned what happened and said he thought she might say something..I said no way because our house is a bit messy and you explained about the matress etc etc...

2 weeks later the police return and we thought it was the discuss the break in..no..it turns out there we some concerns with our children and their living arrangements??, 2 officers from the youth crime reduction team are here?? they ask to come in the house is a bit wild because I'm doing washing..they said they have spoken to the school about us and our children and about the time off they have had etc...and last year my DDs caught quite a few colds ansd stomach bugs and the school policy is you must keep them off for at least 48 hrs so yes their attendance looks dodgy but not more so than other children..they asked us if there was food in the house??...we both work and have decent jobs but bills a mortgage and debts and I don't want to get into anymore debt..

so now a day later they are coming back again with another person...and I'm sure I saw them drive pass the house earlier...we asked for help from the police and now we feel like suspects for something we haven't done...am i overrating/paranoid?..is this normal practice?...am i in some kind of denial?..are we on a list?

I have been trying to hold this all in but I'm tearful/angry and worried and too ashamed to talk to anyone about whats happening...

sorry this is so long..

I can't be the only one who thought if this is true Thank goodness for outside intervention?

No-one is saying they are going to remove the children. The point is the OP should NOT be living in the way she describes - squalor, no beds, poor attendance at school, holes in the wall etc etc. No one is saying she is abusing her children, but all of these things, quite rightly, will set alarm bells ringing.

lesley33 far above listed the things that the powers that be are looking out for in their efforts to protect vulnerable children. Op certainly ticks some boxes there. If she needs help, I hope she can get some.

I don't think I've used the word fantastic tsc I just think 'shit mum' is extremely harsh. They need to do some diy and tidy up ffs they're not beating their kids. I suspect there are a lot of kids suffering actual abuse whose houses are immaculate who would give their right arm to live in the OP's house.

OP also mentions the youth crime reduction team coming round - perhaps there is more to it?

I really hope she gets some help because it's not normal and it can't be pleasant to live like this.

I have had the police come in to my house twice. Once when I was burgled and another time when I got home to find the front door open (but we hadn't been burgled). We live in an exceptionally cluttered and sometimes very untidy house (have lots of bits and bobs of building work going on) - and I have made a joke about it with the police (ha ha! don't worry that the place has been ransacked, this is quite normal for us, actually - that sort of thing) and the policeman has had a laugh with me and said something like, yes I know how it is with kids, etc.

They have not called ss on me.

I would trust them to have experience of normal chaos and something worse, in most cases. Imvho.

Maryz I agree that the house is obviously neglected I just don't think that ss will remain involved unless there are actual hazards to the kids welfare rather than cosmetic issues.

bibbitybobbityhat - that reminds me of the story my mil told me that when they were burgled when DH was a teenager the police said that they had ransacked DH's room (PIL returned from holiday to find they'd been burgled) and MIL had to tell the police that she didn't think they had been in DH's room

Yes come back and update OP!

thing is though button the op said that there was a spare bed but that it hadn't been put up because they were afraid of it being trashed again.

At the very least these parents are not coping with their children's behavior, and don't seem to recognise that such behavior is not normal (op called children that did all this damage boisteress).

SM have to say the platitudes always make me as well - on any thread.

LOL Maryz at the teenage trashed room!

I was "lucky" because my Dad cleaned and tidied mine when I was out. He did absolutely brilliant passive-aggressive things such as storing the make-up bag I used every single day on the shelf of the built-in cupboard where I couldn't reach it for example.

Oh and he kept the grass outside my (ground-floor) bedroom stunningly neat, even mowing the lawn the day after he had mown it if he thought I might have a hangover and banging the hoover against my bedroom door without vacuuming anything else.

Come back OP, please, we're not all judging and want to know that today has gone well

wannaBe I didn't quite understand about the bed. I read it as though they didn't put it up straight after the old one was trashed but repaired it instead?

WHy the hell are you not addressing your children's behaviour rather than making them sleep together ona mattress on the floor.

Seriously - you can not just allow them to smash things up, take no responsibility for their actions - you will be going down a slippery slope. They need to understand that their behaviour is wrong and that has to come from you two.

They are 7 and 9 - blimey it gest worse - you are the sort of parents we have in at work who think we can fix their kids after years of having no consequence for socially unacceptable behaviour.

Is it just me who thinks the OP been on a wind up with the date?

The thread was started yesterday, wasn't it? My concern is that today's visit has not gone well, and the op doesn't want to tell mn, what with surely already feeling very judged and not necessarily supported....

I did wonder that in the OP she says the police could tell someone had definitely broken in (how?) but then I am always being told off for troll hunting so what the heck. And everyday is April Fools on here after all

Presumably the police can tell if a door has been forced open by the marks on it?

I did put on my post 'if this is true' because I'm not sure could go either why.
Who knows Grovee?
If it is a hoax we all know how to fool social services now

The door obviously wasn't "forced" open as the op had no idea anything was even missing until after the police had been.

"we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost.."

I can't be the only one who thought if this is true Thank goodness for outside intervention?

nope

i report it to ss everytime i have the slightest concern when seeing people in the context of my job - i would rather report in error than let a little one suffer

I think you can force a door open and then close it again {shrugs}. Doesn't really matter to me either way. If it is true then I hope the op is able to sort her fmaily and home out OK.