What should I do about an unreasonable ex?

[schnauzersrock]

My husband has a 7 year old for an ex-girlfriend and we also have a 16 month old together. The problem is that his ex has done everything she can to prevent my husband from having visitation. She has put us through 5 years of court and accused my husband of everything she could and also has called childrens aid on us for bogus complaints. As of right now his ex says we can't see his daughter anymore. She won't tell us why. She called the house after the last visit this past sunday and kept yelling at me to put my husband on the phone. I told her he wasn't home but she refused to believe that. I asked to take a message or if I could help just thinking that maybe the daughter left something behind. She then yelled at me and said I have no say in her daughter's life or decision ability and put my husband on the phone. Again I said he's not here can I take a message. then she said yeah you can tell him he will never see my daughter again. My husband has called and emailed but she won't respond. So I have no idea what her so called reason is this time. i'm getting so tired of trying. How do you prusue being a part of his daughter's life when his ex makes it impossible. We have been willing to do whatever we need to make things work and have jumped though hoops for this woman, but she still does whatever she can to keep us out. What do you do when the other party is hellbent on keeping you out? it's just the same circle of events over and over. His ex freaks over something we try to appease her adventually she calms d and we have a visit then she freaks again. btw the last visit before this was boxing day. She hardly ever allows visits and we can't afford to go to court AGAIN to enfore parental rights to visitation
This is just the beginning of the story this woman is horrible. I have no idea is she has some sort of mental condition that causes her to be so crazy or if she is just nasty. we had to get a court order just so I could see my step-daughter and his ex refuses to talk to me. we have actually gotten emails telling my husband that I am not to speak to her not even say hi. what do you do when you are dealing with a mental case and she refuses my husband to have arole in their childs life?

its a matter of fact that its his daughter. i'm not involved in anything i just get to see her when she comes over and i posted on the stepparent board and there is no response
I don't get hom me being home with my children is inflaming this I have never said that his ex has said anything to me she says nothing to me i'm not even around when she is
i\ve been researching and this is a clear case of parental alientation she meets all of the signs such as:Signs of Alienation:

-Children appear uneasy around target parent - they resort to "one word" answers and fail to engage openly in conversations as they previously have done
-Children are uncharacteristically rude and/or belligerent to target parent
-Access time is not occurring as agreed upon or court ordered - visitation is being unilaterally cut back by the other parent
-Hostile Aggressive Parent (HAP) parent undermines the other parent or speaks disparagingly about other parent in the presence of the children
-HAP parent starts making reference to other parent as being abusive and a risk to the children with no apparent good reason
-Allowing children to choose whether or not to visit a parent, even though the court has not empowered the parent or children to make that choice;
-Telling the children about why the marriage failed and giving them the details about the divorce or separation settlement;
-Refusing the other parent access to medical and school records or schedules of extracurricular activities;
-Blaming the other parent for not having enough money, changes in lifestyle, or other problems in the children's presence;
-Rigid enforcement of the visitation schedule for no good reason other than getting back at the other parent;
-False allegations of sexual abuse, drug and alcohol use or other illegal activities by the other parent;
-Asks the children to choose one parent over the other;
-Reminding the children that the children have good reason to feel angry toward their other parent;
-Setting up temptations that interfere with visitation;
-Giving the children the impression that having a good time on a visit will hurt the parent;
-Asking the children about the other parent's personal life;
-'Rescuing' the children from the other parent when there is no danger.

Deep breath.....

OK this is the last time!

SHE HAS SAID IN THE PAST THAT SHE DOESNT WANT YOU TO SEE THE DAUGHTER. BUT INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING THAT AND ALLOWING YOUR HUSBAND TO SEE HER ON HIS OWN, YOU WENT TO COURT TO FORCE THE ISSUE AND THIS ANNOYED THE EX EVEN MORE (SHE SAT IN THE CAR AND REFUSED TO SPEAK TO YOU OUTSIDE THE COURT)

SO, BUTT OUT

STOP INSISTING YOU SEE THE DAUGHTER. GET CALLER DISPLAY AND DONT ANSWER THE PHONE IF IT IS THE EX CALLING, MAKE SURE THAT ONLY YOUR DH ANSWERS THE PHONE. MAKE SURE YOU ARE OUT WHEN HE SEES HIS DAUGHTER, OR THAT HE TAKES HER OUT AND YOU ARE NOT THERE. THEN HIS EX CANNOT USE THE FACT THAT SHE DOESNT WANT THE DAUGHTER SEEING YOU AS AN EXCUSE FOR STOPPING YOUR HUSBAND FROM SEEING HER TOO.

OK?!!!!!!

Frankly if you are this dense when you are dealing with the ex I am not altogether surprised she doesnt like you! I feel like smacking my head against the wall and I have never met you!

why does his ex have any right to say who can be around but my husband has no say as to who she has around or what boyfrinds meet their kid? I have young children myself so then his daughter wouldn't be able to spend time with them either b/c they would have to come with me as one is still b/f
and his ex has never saiud that visits are stopped b/c of me usually its b/c she says that my husband used a curse word on the visit or said something that he shouldn't for example his daughter was asking about maiden names and what dad's was he siad only woman have married names like your mom's maiden name is ... and then she was like what mom was married. the ex freaked b/c she did want that known but never told my husband that

Step parenting moves more slowly than this board. Be a bit patient - actually you could use that advice generally.

I don't know what you want people to say? You say you can't afford to keep going to court, you live in Canada and the majority of MN posters have experience of the UK system but their knowledge of Canadian law and practices is...um....limited.

You say you can't understand why the ex is so angry/awful/evil. We cannot answer that question.

You say that you're not involved in the care of the child and that you cannot understand why she is stopping your husband from seeing his daughter. We can't answer that either.

Honestly confused about what you want.

X posted. The ex has the say because she is the parent with residency.

And the rest of that post was very confusing

well I guess this forum is useless I can't seam to find a cdn one

Well you took her to court for access to the girl, how is that "not involved"?!

And the rights and wrongs are irrelevant. If you being around the girl is one of the reasons the ex gives for not allowing DH to see her then dont be around! His relationship with his daughter is more important that what you think is right!

shirley is right, you are in the wrong place.

You need a step parenting/legal issues board based in Canada, then you might get the correct information.

And if all the answers you have had dont tell you what you want to hear then either you are not asking the right questions, or you might actually.......be unreasonable?! Just a thought!

Yep. Maybe.

here you go

If it isnt in the right area I am sure that they will direct you to a more local board!

the access was so that the grandparents and uncles could see the child too not just me and mainly it was so he could have her for whole weekends and overnights. really I should get a hotel room so they can be alone? be kicked out of my house?

thanks bogeyface i'll try that one