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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is this mum being a bit 'precious'

69 replies

LoveLeonardCohen · 31/03/2011 15:21

Ok I'll try to keep this short.
My DS (3.5) goes to a little nursery, it's quite small and there are only 2 other older boys (4). Anyway DS started off being quite friendly with both of them but then, for some unknown reason, has decided that he doesn't want to be friends with one of them. Anyway my DS has picked up some words, such as 'shut up', 'idiot' and 'mr poo poo', 'mr wee wee'....which is frequently embarassing for me but essentially I feel quite harmless. And sometimes he has hit out.
At the school gates outside, sometimes when this boy says, 'hello.....', my DS says, 'hello mr poo poo'....not in an angry or malicious way but sort of laughing like he thinks it's funny. I have noticed that my son has not wanted to play or be friends with this boy and I did ask why, but I can't really make sense of what he's saying. However, i think that you know whatever, these things will happen, and I have said ' you don't have to be friends, but be kind' etc etc...
Ok...so today the mum sent me a text saying can she talk to me. I rang her and she said she's upset because my DS said 'poo poo' to her DS (Oh my god as i'm writing this it sounds ridiculous)...she's concerned about the way my ds is treating her DS etc and so on. I said ok I can only try and keep bringing it up with my DS (which i do anyway).
BUT.....AIBU to think that some boys of this age do go through a stage of saying poo poo and wee wee and think it's funny. And that they will wrestle and hit each other. I have other mum friends with boys who don't mind at all if our sons have a roll around and pretend fight (as long as it's no scratching or grabbing at faces). AIBU to think that when our DS's start school this is something they;ll have to contend with on their own?
What if anything can I do about it, the more I draw attention to these words the more my DS annoyingly thinks it's funny. Now I just feel so uncomfortable with this other mum. Then again my DS is my eldest, I don't have experience of 3 yr old boys.....AIBU or is she??

Sorry long post about something a bit trivial really

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 31/03/2011 15:23

YABU She's not being precious. They often go through phases of using rude words but you have to stamp on it straight away and say 'that's not a nice thing to say - stop it now'.... not just stand there being embarrased or thinking it's harmless or just a stage he's going through.

sloggies · 31/03/2011 15:25

Don't think you can do any more really IMO boys only stop thinking poo is funny when they're about 45.....

Claz1001 · 31/03/2011 15:26

My DD of a similar age also thinks poo poo and wee wee is hilarious, but I think that what is upsetting the mother of this boy might be the fact that it's directed at her son, rather than the words themselves. It sounds like this boy feels victimised, and perhaps rightly so. Not that there is anything you can do other than try and explain how other people have feelings too, etc. Not easy for them to understand though.

wobblypig · 31/03/2011 15:26

Heavens above - if she is offended by ' mr poo poo' she has a long hard life ahead of her. IME that's boys for you - maybe girls too but my DD too young as yet. Don't think you can say anything to change her mind though - she will learn in her own time not to fret about these kinds of things.

Original poster

LoveLeonardCohen · 31/03/2011 15:27

Chil1234 I have said countless times that saying 'poo' or 'wee' or 'idiot' is not a nice thing to say to friends, or to anyone and picked my DS up on it. I definately don't just 'stand there' by any means. BUt short of gagging my DS there's not much else I think I can do

OP posts:

WriterofDreams · 31/03/2011 15:28

Tough one to call. On the one hand you're right that young boys love to say poo and wee but on the other I think that mother has the right to expect that her son won't be called names no matter how harmless you think it is. The difficulty is that your son is only 3 and so doesn't really understand that he might be upsetting the other child. I agree with Chil that you need to try to nip this behaviour in the bud now as when he gets older he might start with more serious language that could get him in trouble in school. If he was calling a child mr wee wee in primary this could be construed by the school as bullying and could get him into trouble so you need to start teaching him that calling people names hurts their feelings and isn't appropriate at nursery.

Thomcat · 31/03/2011 15:29

I think it's a bit OTT of her to ring you over it tbh. Havign said that if a child was calling my DD 'poo poo' frequently and the mother didn't pull her child up on being rude straight away I'd be a bit put out really. I'd probably say to my DD so the mum could hear, 'just ignore him, he's being silly but don't you ever use words like that to people will you' or words to that effect so the mum knew how I felt, the boy who said the words would know how I felt and my DD would know it was wrong. I wouldn't go as far as to ring the other mum and make a bit deal out of i.

GoldenGreen · 31/03/2011 15:30

She's not upset that your DS said "poo poo". She's upset that your DS said "hello Mr poo poo" and laughed at her son. And presumably it's part of a bigger problem if the boys have fallen out. Did you say anything to him at the time? Because I would have been annoyed if I was in her position and you didn't say anything. It was a rude thing to say.

scurryfunge · 31/03/2011 15:31

On the face of it it sounds inconsequential but maybe her son is very upset by this and she has probably thought long and hard about bringing it up with you.

Name calling is never very nice and needs to dealt with positively by you. I would not excuse nastiness and hitting as just one of those things.

MorticiaAddams · 31/03/2011 15:31

YABU to think it's a boy thing. One of my biggest bugbears is blaming it on being a boy - it's a kid thing. Pretty much all 3 and 4 year olds find poo and wee completely hysterical.

YANBU to think this mum's being precious and if she can't handle that then goodness knows how she's going to get him through school. Tell her you'll have a word and let your son know that it's not nice and her son is upset by it. I do think it's normal behaviour but your son also does need to understand that he can't behave like this to other children.

MrsTittleMouse · 31/03/2011 15:31

Yes, children of that age are obsessed with wee and poo and will go around talking about it and laughing.

But it sounds as though this is directed at the other boy. I'm guessing that this is the worst stuff that your DS knows. In which case it's like swearing to him. If he says "hello Mr Poopoo" to him then that's like one adult calling another "shitface" in my opinion.

My DDs are constantly going around giggling about toilet humour, but they aren't allowed to call anyone else Mr Poopoos. We had "Mummy Poopoos" for a while, but I stamped down on it, it isn't nice.

Mandy2003 · 31/03/2011 15:31

I was in the supermarket today behind a group of 4 decorators (in their 20s I'd guess). Right in front of the cold meat section they decided to have a (possibly) pretend farting contest. So no, boys don't ever grow up!

OP - perhaps if saying it is getting DS into trouble then you should take him for time out or whatever discipline works with him when he says it to break him of the habit? Not much chance of it working tho IMO!

Thomcat · 31/03/2011 15:32

Just to be clear, conversationally, how do you deal with it when he calls a=out 'hello my poo poo' or whatever it is he says?
Do you look over at him and say 'DS, that's not nice' and leave it there, or do you get down to his level, make him look you in the eye and say 'no DS, we don't use words like that, it's not funny, I don't like it, stop doing it' or similar?

Hullygully · 31/03/2011 15:33

Imagine it the other way round. Your son is the upset one because there are only two other boys and one of them is being unkind to him..

Original poster

LoveLeonardCohen · 31/03/2011 15:33

Thanks writerofdreams, I have just tried to explain to DS that calling his friend 'mr poo poo' hurts his feelings and we don't hurt our friends. I will definately be pulling him up on this as I don't want my DS getting into trouble at school.

OP posts:

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 31/03/2011 15:34

My DS went through a stage of thinking words like wee, poo and bum were hilarious....I think she is very OTT to speak to you about it.....after all, sometimes the more you draw attention to something the more they do it!!! I dunno whether you are BU or no to be honest........it doesnt sound like your DS is being malicious, just a typical 3 year old.

crw1234 · 31/03/2011 15:35

My Ds1 is 5 and there is a boy who says hello mr poo poo etc to everyone and he (and his friends don't like it at all) - they think its mean.

i think its different joking about poo in general very normal -and not just for boys ,, and I don't make a big thing of it - but if its addressed to another person who is upset by it; I would say don't do it - it was my child - and if they continued they would have been in trouble - ie naughtly step when I heard it -

Original poster

LoveLeonardCohen · 31/03/2011 15:36

Okay I'm getting some good viewpoints here....I guess the difficulty is trying to get him not to say it

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 31/03/2011 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 31/03/2011 15:38

If my three year old was treating aniother child this rudely I'd punish him

Hullygully · 31/03/2011 15:38

Yes, I think you have to forget the actual words (they are only what that age would use) and think about the intent and the action.

Skinit · 31/03/2011 15:39

I agree with golders....it sounds like your DS is making a habit of calling her DS Mr PooPoo etc...that's not the same as her gettig upset because your DS just said the word poo poo.

As you said...your DS also hits. YABU

cantspel · 31/03/2011 15:39

have you actually tried punishing him for doing it?
rather than just telling him it is not nice.
No favorite tv program or no trip to the park on the way home.

colditz · 31/03/2011 15:40

And actually there's quite a lot you can do about it, contrary to what you seem to think.

the best thing to start with would be, perhaps, telling him off when he is rude.

3rdnparty · 31/03/2011 15:40

I think the other mum is being brave to call you ..I would hate my ds to be called names and if he was saying it to another kid I would pull him straight away every time and repeatedly until he did understand its not ok- I'm sure he would be pulled up by the staff if happened at nursery... I did it as part of 'manners' with ds so along with please and thank you..you call people by their name - but there are different approaches ..its all part of growing up..... I'm not sure I would have the guts to call would probably use Thomcats approach personnaly if my ds was on the receiving end - but may be a good excuse for a chat face to face with her next time you meet...

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